Sunday Family Humour 26th May

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

UK Royal Navy News

Thanks to Tony H.

HMS Daring

The Royal Navy is proud of its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers. Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from Brussels , renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence. The next five ships are to be named HMS Empathy, HMS Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist.

Costing £850 million each, they meet the needs of the 21st century and comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights laws.

The new user-friendly crow's nest comes equipped with wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paint-balls to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counselors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day and each ship will have its on-board industrial tribunal.

The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability. Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in line with Brussels Health & Safety rules, even in wartime! All the vessels will come equipped with a maternity ward and nursery, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.

Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in the wardroom and messes. The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for; "Rum, sodomy and the lash"; so out has gone the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced by sparkling water. Although sodomy remains, it has now been extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available but only on request. Condoms can be obtained from the Bosun in a variety of flavours, except Capstan Full Strength.

Saluting officers has been abolished because it is deemed elitist and is to be replaced by the more informal, "Hello Sailor". All information on notices boards will be printed in 37 different languages and Braille. Crew members will now no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or mustaches and this applies equally to women crew members.

The MoD is working on a new "non-specific" flag because the White Ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities. The Union Flag had already been discarded.

The newly re-named HMS Cautious is due to be commissioned soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She will gently slide into the water as the Royal Marines Band plays "In the Navy" by the Village People. Her first deployment will be to escort boat loads of illegal immigrants across the channel to ports on England 's south coast.

The Prime Minister said, "While these ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking, they are also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation coming out of Brussels ."

Carlow Rally Crash

17 seconds is all it needs for three complete 360's, with only superficial damage, and drives off with a loss of about twenty seconds, two spotlights and a bit of bent bodywork.
and a bit of extraneous bodywork. Note how the first spin would have hit the wall if it hadn't had a gap in it for someone's driveway.

Carlow Rally Crash

Things You Don't See Very Often

Thanks To Tony H.

Things you don't see very often

Pole Dancing Like You've Never Seen Before

The Shaolin Temple gymnastics troupe 
really gives the girls a run for their money!

Video (1:25 mins):

Pole Dancing


When A Dog Knows

Thanks to Ray O'.

Have you ever heard that a dog 'knows' when an earthquake is about to hit?
Dogs 2

Have you ever heard that a dog can 'sense' when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away?
Dogs 3

Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia,
dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed?
Dogs 4

Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other serious illnesses and danger of fire?

Dogs 5

Somehow they always know when they can 'go for a ride' before you even ask.

Dogs 6
How do those dogs and cats get home from hundreds of miles away?
Dogs 7

I'm a firm believer that animals - and especially cats and dogs - have keen insights into the Truth.
Dogs 8

And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance.

Dogs 9
Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn't right... when impending doom is upon us.

Dogs 10
They'll always try to warn us!
Dogs 11
We should have listened

One Sunday In Bamako

Thanks to Ray O'.

Sunday 1

Sunday 2

Sunday 3

Sunday 4

Sunday 5

Sunday 6

Sunday 7

Sunday 8

Sunday 9

Sunday 10

Make Your Day

Thanks to David H.

Your Day

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