Sunday Family Humour 16th June

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

For Your Amusement

Thank To Ray O'.

A class of five-year old schoolchildren return to the classroom after

playing in the playground during their break time.

The teacher says to the first child 'hello Becky, what have you been doing

this playtime?'

Becky replies ' I have been playing in the sand'

'Very good' says the teacher 'if you can spell "sand" on the blackboard, I

will give you a biscuit'

Becky duly goes and writes 'sand' on the blackboard. 'Very good' says the

teacher and gives Becky a biscuit.

The teacher then says 'Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?

'Freddie replies 'playing with Becky in the sand box'

'Very good' says the teacher. ' If you can spell "box" on the blackboard,I

will also give you a biscuit'

Freddie duly goes and writes 'box' on the blackboard. 'Very good' says the

teacher and gives Freddie a biscuit.

Teacher then says 'Hello Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box

with Becky and Freddie?'

'No' replies Mohammed, 'I wanted to, but they would not let me.

Every time I went near them they started throwing stones at me and calling

me nasty names'

'Oh dear' says the teacher. 'That sounds like blatant unadulterated racial

discrimination to me' ..............

I tell you what, if you can spell "blatant unadulterated racial

discrimination" I will give you a biscuit

===

A friend said to me: "I can never do the Welsh accent properly. Every time

I try it it sounds like Pakistani''.

I said: ''You'll just have to try harder, Tariq''.

===

A woman shopping at TESCO takes a fancy to the young lad who is filling

her shopping bags, and she thinks to herself "what a nice bum and lovely

blue eyes, what I couldn't do to him".

She stands waiting, feeling very horny and, after paying, she says,

"excuse me, but is there any chance of you helping me to carry my shopping

to the car?",

"Certainly Madam, no problem "

So off they set over the car park, walking behind him makes her even

randier and she blurts out, "I've got a delicious itchy fanny", he

replies, "You'd better point it out then Madam, all them Japanese cars

look the same to me".

===

One day, in Biblical world, long after the great flood waters had died

down, God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to

make me a new Ark".

Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want,

after all - you're the guv'... "

But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I want not

just a couple of decks, . . I want 20 decks one on top of the other".

"20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I

fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"

"Yep, that's right, well . .. sort of right . . this time I want you to

fill it up with fish", God answers.

"Fish?", queries Noah "Yep, fish . . well, to make it more specific Noah,

I want Koi carp - wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Koi Carp!"

Noah looks to the skies. "OK... God my old mucker, let me get this right,

you want a New Ark?"

"Check".

"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".

"Check".

"And you want it full of Carp?".

"Check"

"Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly getting increasingly

worried about either the sanity of God or his own hearing...

"Dunno", says God...."I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark".

===

Question: What do Mack the Knife, Winnie the Pooh, and Attila the Hun have

in common?

Answer: Their middle names.

===

Michael, a Donegal man, goes for a job on a building site, the foreman

says all he has to do is answer two questions correctly and they will give

him the job. He smiles confidently.

"The first question is, 'what is your name?",

he answers," errr, that would be Michael ...Michael Connor,"

"OK, the next question is, 'What's the difference between a joist and a

girder?'..."

"Oh, that's easy," says Michael,

"Joyce wrote Ulysses, Goethe wrote Faust".

Logic of a Six Year Old

Thanks to David H.

This is supposed to be a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is.

They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather

the building materials for his home.

She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow

full of straw and said: “Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that

straw to build my house?”

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think

the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...

'I think the man would have said’ – “Well I'll be a son of a bitch!! A talking pig!”

The teacher had to leave the room.

British Pub Signs

Thanks to Chris A.

Pub Signs

WHAT A MUSEUM DID TO ATTRACT VISITORS

Thanks to Ray O'.

The Rijksmuseum in Holland had an idea:

Let's bring the art to the people and then, hopefully, they will come to see more - at the museum.

They took one painting of Rembrandt’s from 1642, “Guards of the Night” and brought to life the characters in it, placed them in a busy mall and the rest you can see for yourself!

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5 Human Wonders Worth Seeing

Thanks to Paul S.

THE MILLAU VIADUCT is part of the new E11 expressway connecting Paris and Barcelona and features the highest bridge piers ever constructed.

The tallest is 240 meters high and the overall height will be an impressive 336 meters, making this the highest bridge in the world.

Parking in Germany !!

First Air Conditioned Bus Stop-Dubai!!

World's Fastest Elevator Installed In World's Tallest Building

Toshiba Elevator and Building Systems Corp announced the installation of the world's fastest passenger elevator just exactly where it is needed--- in Taipei 101, the world's tallest building. The elevator runs at a top speed of 1,010 meters per minute whenascending (600 meters per minute on the way down), which works out to 38 miles per hour.

The Elevator can go from the 5th floor to the 89th floor in 39 seconds. The world's fastest elevator offers the following new technologies:

The world's first pressure control system, which adjusts the atmospheric pressure inside a car by using suction and discharge blowers, preventing those riding inside the car experiencing 'ear popping'

The World's First All-glass Undersea Restaurant Opens

15 th April marked the day that the first ever all-glass undersea restaurant in the world opened its doors for business at the Hilton Maldives Resort & Spa. It sits 16.5 feet below the waves of the Indian Ocean, surrounded by a vibrant coral reef and encased in clear acrylic offering diners 270-degrees of panoramic underwater views.

'We have used aquarium technology to put diners face-to-face with the stunning underwater environment of the Maldives', says Carsten Schieck, General Manager of Hilton Maldives Resort & Spa. 'Our guests always comment on being blown away by the colour, clarity, and beauty of the underwater world in the Maldives, so it seemed the perfect idea to build a restaurant where diners can experience fine cuisine and take time to enjoy the views - without ever getting their feet wet.'

Created by MJ Murphy Ltd, a design consultancy based in New Zealand, Ithaa's distinctive feature is the use of curved transparent acrylic walls and roof, similar to those used in aquarium attractions. 'The fact that the entire restaurant except for the floor is made of clear acrylic makes this unique in the world,' continues Schieck, 'We are currently planting a coral garden on the reef to add to the spectacular views of the rays, sharks and many colorful fish that live around the area.

WONDER WHAT KIND OF FISH THEY SERVE ON THE MENU ???

Amazingly-timed photos

Thanks to Ray O'.

Amazingly Time Photos

Guy Stuff

Thanks to Tony H.

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