Sunday Family Humour 25th August Page 2
Sunday Family Humour 25th August Page 2
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
Twelve Rules of Spiritual Wisdom
Thanks to Peers Want to Know
1 God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
2 There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
3 Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.
4 Dear God, I have a problem, it's me.
5 Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.
6 Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.
7 The most important things in your home are the people.
8 As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home.
9 He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
10 It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.
11 Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk taking. Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out it's neck.
12 Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
Snapdragons
Here is the plan: send this flower to four people that you want to have a good day. I picked you . Please consider passing this to four people you want to have a good day as well as the person who sent it to you.. This is SO positive and there is nothing attached. Let's continue to send this along. Have a bright sunny day! (I know I picked more than four, and you can, too.)
OR Sometimes Slightly Scrambled!!
May you always have
Love to Share , Health to Spare, and Friends that Care!
Baby Panda Meets Mother
Thanks to YourTube News
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National Geographic Photo Winners
Thanks to Paul S.
Wine Guide
Thanks to David H.
29 Lines of Wisdom
Thanks to Paul S.
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every damn minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being over the hill is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few!
-
Marie Schmidt
Crying doesn't indicate that you're weak. Since
birth, it has always been a sign that you're alive.
--Unknown
Uses For Cucumber
Thanks to Health and Healing
1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need
every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin
B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin
B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron,
Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.
2. Feeling tired in the afternoon,
put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a
cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B
Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that
quick pick-me-up that can last for hours.
3. Tired of your bathroom mirror
fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a
cucumber slice along the mirror, it will
eliminate the fog and provide a soothing,
spa-like fragrance.
4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds?
Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden
will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals
in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give
off a scent undetectable to humans but drive
garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.
5. Looking for a
fast and easy way to remove cellulite before
going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or
two of cucumbers along your problem area for a
few minutes. The phytochemicals in the cucumber
cause the collagen in your skin to tighten,
firming up the outer layer and reducing the
visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!
6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache?
Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and
wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers
contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes
to replenish essential nutrients the body lost,
keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both
a hangover and headache!!
7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening
snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for
centuries and often used by European trappers,
traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off
starvation.
8. Have an important meeting or job interview and
you realize that you don't have enough time to
polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber
over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a
quick and durable shine that not only looks
great but also repels water.
9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge?
Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the
problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!
10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage,
facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire
cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water,
the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber
will react with the boiling water and be
released in the steam, creating a soothing,
relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce
stress in new mothers and college students
during final exams.
11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you
don't have gum or mints? Take a slice of
cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth
with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad
breath, the phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in
your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.
12. Looking for a 'green' way to
clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel?
Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the
surface you want to clean, not only will it
remove years of tarnish and bring back the
shine, but is won't leave streaks and won't harm
you fingers or fingernails while you clean.
13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take
the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it
to erase the pen writing, also works great on
crayons and markers that the kids have used
to decorate the walls!!
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