Sunday Family Humour 31st March Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

2013 WORLD ECONOMY EXPLAINED WITH TWO COWS

Thanks to Tony H.

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.

You eat both of them.

The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.

The IMF loans you two cows.

You eat both of them.

The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.

You are out getting a haircut.

What the Fire Commander Said

Thanks to Andre M.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.

For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

Not fair to make judgement of this, until you see what the Fire Commander says!!!!

In South Auckland , a 4-flat property was destroyed by a fire.

A Samoan family of six, all welfare recipients and gang members, lived on the first floor. They died.

An Islamic group of seven welfare cheats, all illegally in the country from Pakistan , lived on the second floor. They, too, all perished.

Six Black Power & ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor. They, too, died.

A white couple lived on the top floor.

The couple survived the fire.

Hone Harawira, Tariana Turia and Pita Sharples were furious!!

They flew into Auckland and met with the fire commander.

On camera, they loudly demanded to know why Samoan, Muslims and Black Power people all died in the fire and why only the white couple lived?

The Fire Commander said, "They were at work."

Yorkshire Airlines

Thanks to Chris A.

Nature

Thanks to Lee

nature

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Man

Thanks to Forbidden Knowledge

Short animated movie of the history of man

China Clipper

Thanks to David M.

Funny Signs

Thanks to David H.

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