Sunday Family Humour 6th January Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

British Humour

Thanks to Tony H.

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43,

who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing.

That’ll keep the lazy bitch busy.

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.

Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex

Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.

That’s when he realised he had made it home safely.

Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on Friday this year”.

Mick said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th then.”

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak

Came home today to find all my doors and windows smashed in and everything gone.

What sort of sick person does that to someone’s Advent calendar…

I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.

To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.

Nothing.

A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years.

The dad says, “Never mind son, maybe next year you’ll get a speaking part.”

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That’s a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

Breathtaking Photos

Thanks to Paul S.

Breath-taking Photos

Monty Python - Bruce

Thanks to Mike C.

Flowers of Holland

Thanks to Paul S.

Made from flowers in Holland, since 1936!

What began in 1936 as a flower parade has become the oldest and most celebrated ode to blooms in Europe.

Ever since its inception, Zundert in the Netherlands has hosted an annual flower show Bloemencorso, with an average 50,000 visitors descending on the town to look at the brilliant displays.

Creators use dahlias for their breathtaking displays and build gravity defying sculptures.

Let's hope the wind doesn't blow too hard! The flowers have been meticulously placed to create the giraffes, even down to their eyelids and hair that lines their neck

A roaring good show: The intricate blooms have been manipulated to create this gravity-defying impressive model of a tiger and her cubs

Every float is made from dahlias. This twisting house, which is as high as other apartments, weaves its ways through the narrow streets

Just by using dahlias, volunteers created this show-stopping piece, where a startled antelope flees the clutches of a leopard that gives chase

Udderly brilliant - thee competitors left no detail out - they even included the numbers on the tags on the ears, and what appears to be the inner workings of a milk-processing plant within the cow's body

Something fishy about this: Bloemencorso saw this elaborate fish display, which saw a shoal of fish whirl around each other - even using light-coloured dahlias to shade in the light bouncing off the eyeballs

Each of the competing districts of Zundert - which was the home of Vincent Van Gogh - construct their own entry and compete in the parade, which occurs every first Sunday in September.

According to those behind Bloemencorso, the parade is all the work of dedicated volunteers, who do not profit from the colourful display.

A staggering six to eight million dahlia flowers are used to produce the floats.

Visit http://www.bloemencorsozundert.nl/ for more information.

Bloemencorso began in 1936, and since then has spiralled in popularity, as the small population makes huge efforts to outdo one another so they can create sculptures like his huge organ

Even the meerkats get a mention! The curious animals are brought to life, as creators perfected every inch of the models, even down to their nails and shading on their tails

Out of this world! Every float here is made from petals and, despite being made from such a delicate, tiny structure, take on gigantic proportions which people clamour to see

It's really taken off! Bloemencorso has grown in term of popularity and in the sheer size of the creations, with thousands flocking to the home of Vincent Van Gogh to gasp at the displays

Held on the first Sunday of every September, the quaint town becomes packed with visitors and, on this occasion, a huge rhinoceros made of delicate flowers

Make it snappy! Thousands turn out to Bloemencorso, as hamlets compete with each other to create the most beautiful display - including this sinister-looking fishy creature

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