Agnes Montgomery

Agnes Montgomery (nee McPhillips) - written by her daughter Jo Bollard - Adapted from forevermissed.com

Beginnings

Times were tough in Scotland back then. Scottish industry, particularly coal mining was slowing and unemployment was high. I remember mum saying that she shared a bed with her sisters and that they were often cold. Her mum would throw jackets over the bed just to keep them warm. There was no such thing as Christmas or Birthday presents back then as money was very tight, and they were often told you were lucky to have a roof over your head. 

I remember mum saying that she would literally hang on the garden fences and skate and slide all the way to school due to the icy snow on the footpath.

It turns out that the Susan Boyle winner of 2009 British got talent went to the same small school and class as mum and her older sister and lived just around the corner from them.

Coming to Australia

In the 1950’s the UK government started promoting life in the colonies with adverts that need to be seen to be believed. They talked about job opportunities in Australia and all travel was subsidised by the colonies. The immigrants were named the 10 pound poms.

Adults were charged but children could travel for free. The catch was that it was by boat and it took 5-6 weeks to get to Sydney. I remember Mum saying that it was fun getting to play with the other children on the boat but it was also a nightmare. She was constantly sea sick and remembers just about hanging off the rails being sick when someone yelled out to catch her.

Mum was 8 when the McPhillips family arrived in Sydney. The warmer weather was a welcome relief and the prospects looked great. What could possibly go wrong?

The migrants were put into huge tin hostels with shared bathroom facilities and kitchens. The jobs they were hoping to find in Australia weren’t as promised. The family spent a grueling few years here.

Eventually things picked up and the family got a small flat, all sharing a small 2 bedroom unit, in the same area as the Bee Gees brothers who sang at the local corner shop. 

Mum’s favourite memory of that time was when she was 16 walking home one day from school and a boy from the neighbourhood ran out announcing that she’d won 2 front row tickets to see the Beatles in Sydney. He had seen her name in the Sydney Herald paper. She took Mary, her older sister, with her.

Mum used to talk about attending the local Catholic school where some of the nuns weren’t too kind, especially to the girls whose parents couldn’t afford the school fees. One of the nicer nuns at the school would rummage through the lost property box for jumpers or other clothing for mum to wear.  

When mum got to year 9, Mary got a job and started earning money. Mum saw this opportunity as a way out of her miserable home life. She decided to leave and start work even though she had good grades. When mum did get her wage, her mum used to take her earnings and only just leave enough for her to get to work and home again. This was pretty common at the time and her parents were struggling with a family to support.

Mum started to venture out onto the social scene. One night when she was in a lift with her best friend. The doors opened and the “Beach Boys” walked in. They got their music guide signed by all the band members.

Dad was a carpenter and he built their first home in Henderson Auckland. They had three children, Catherine the youngest, my brother Paul and myself. We had a close knit family in New Zealand but mum was terribly homesick, hearing that her sisters were having children. She had visions of her children playing and growing up with their cousins.

In 1975 mum and dad sold everything they owned and migrated to Australia with only a couple of suitcases. It was a complete culture shock. They could only afford a 2 bedroom unit in the Eastern suburbs and very few of the neighbours could even speak English.

The Mount Colah Years

Mum and Dad worked hard and on weekends Dad would travel an hour and half to Mt Colah to build a house. Tiring of the travel, they moved to a tiny caravan on the property. Five people and a dog. There was no plumbing and we had baths in a plastic garbage bin. Mum and dad made a makeshift shower and we had an outside toilet. We lived like that for 2 years.

I have fond memories of mum cooking pikelets on weekends, family movies, and playing games. Mum was the hard saver, the ideas person and the brains. She was our advocate for when I struggled at school being bullied, she helped my brother get the extra help he needed for school and she helped us get the careers or direction we needed in life.

When I was in primary school, Mum decided to better herself and went back to school to sit for the HSC. She got into the top 10% in the state for English. Her high marks gained her entry into Macquarie University to study Law. Unfortunately raising three young children and studying took a toll and she realized that she was missing out on a lot of things. She decided to drop the course and go back to work.

When I was 16 mum had a major operation on her back which led to several others. She put her faith into the doctor’s hands but unfortunately the operations only made things worse. Mum was in constant pain, she would try everything they offered and I remember crying to her saying to her that I wish I could make her feel better again.

Despite the pain, mum and dad still managed a few trips away and she had fond memories of their trip to Vietnam with life-long friends Anne and Roger.

Mum loved her food, if we went to New Zealand she absolutely loved dad’s Aunty Alice’s apple crumble, my Aunty Louise's pavlova, Lou’s husband Murray’s famous mash potato and my Aunty Karen’s fruit cake.

I made the mistake once when mum came over for a cuppa, I gave her a slice of Aunty Karen’s fruit cake. On her next visit mum asked for another piece and I said it was all gone. Living with boys they had devoured it. Mum was not impressed with me.

Later Life and Hardship

As the years went by, mum’s pain became worse and my parents put walls up. They couldn’t participate in social occasions and they mainly stayed at home. If they did venture out it meant that mum was on a lot of medication for her pain. She needed her walker. Eventually, mum and dad’s world became a tiny bubble and they didn't let anyone in but each other. 

Mum was very talented and could sew, knit and crochet. When I got married, Mum made my veil, my bridesmaid, Catherine's dress and also the dress for our flower girl, Aimee. Her knitting and crochet skills went into overdrive when mum found out she was becoming a Grandma at 50. Mum got to see my boys Kaelan and Tristan grow into fine young men. She was so very proud of them and they gave her something to live for. 

In March 2013, we lost my young brother Paul James and ultimately this led to the death of both of my parents. The anguish and grief never left mum and it never subsided, clouding even the brightest of days. A couple of months later, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy on her birthday - followed by months of radiation and chemotherapy. 

My dad picked up the pieces as best he could and took her to all her appointments but the grief took a toll on him too and he passed away in October 2014.

Mum seemed to give up on life after that but even in the darkness, there were still some bright spots. One of those was in 2017 when we took her home to Scotland. It was something I'd heard mum and dad talk about many times, I knew it was important to her. 

When we arrived at her old home, she leapt out of the taxi, grabbed her walker and power-pushed her way down the driveway and into the backyard to see the shed that her father had built. Nothing was going to stop her! Not even the owner of the property who wasn’t impressed. 

The other thing we did in Scotland was go to the Edinburgh tattoo. Mum always loved it on TV but going to see the real thing was a huge highlight for her. My boys and I will always treasure those precious moments we spent together with her on that trip. The memories will live forever in my heart.

Mum was a generous kind hearted person. She instilled all the best qualities in me and my boys. There are a lot of special memories but my boys will always remember the time Grandma made a cake to bring to my place. As they were driving there was this strange noise and then on one particularly tight corner, they all saw the cake flying off the roof of the car.