Nostalgic Reviews: Ninja Golf

Rating: (This game is before the ESRB's time, so it doesn't have a rating. It probably would be rated E, though.)

Score: 9.5/10

“Nostalgic Reviews” is a new series where I review older games. Why? Because there are some games that received less credit than they deserved. Some games were not appreciated as they were considered minor characters in a minor game. Ninja Golf is the third in this series.

Ninja Golf was not a typical overlooked minor player. Everyone has played Ninja Golf, right? Oh yeah, it was on the Atari 7800...a system no one owned. This game had the misfortune to be released on a poor platform. Otherwise, this game was a masterpiece. You took one look at that box art, and you were hooked. I mean, come on! That ninja is loaded with golf clubs! Everyone knows: The only thing worse than a ninja is a crazy ninja with golf clubs.

The story is told in one sentence right before the game. “After many long years of ninja training, you are finally ready for the most difficult test of all...nine holes of Ninja Golf!” I have no idea why the game designers would choose golf of all sports. When I think of a sport ninja’s might be ininterested in, fighting/wrestling (such as the ninja in Virtual Fighter), or perhaps épée (using their talent with swords), but certainly not golf. Although golf is hard, so they might have something after all.

It starts out as a normal golf game: You aim your shot, and you swing. It’s after your swing you find out your ninja doesn’t have a golf cart; he just runs to the ball! Other ninjas don’t want him to win, so what do they do? Feed him a freshly baked knuckle sandwich, of course! They aren’t the only ones who plot this ninja’s demise. Gophers, birds, mutant frogs, snakes and even sharks are all trying to stop your ninja. Luckily, you’re armed with shuriken, and you can find more shuriken (if you run out), and other potions and medkits on the ground.

So, between you and your golf ball are multiple ninjas and gophers/snakes/mutant frogs/birds/sharks (depending on where you are: Normal course has gophers, bunker has snakes, tall grass for mutant frogs, water for sharks, and birds for forest). If you survive to the green, then you must take down a dragon! You expected your ninja to start putting? No, he shoots shuriken at the dragon to finish up a hole.

The first few holes are pretty easy, but then the game will get harder. Even on easy difficulty, you’ll probably not make it through the game. Also, this is likely the first game ever to have a “Kamikaze” difficulty. It might even be the only game, even though it’s one of the most amazing names for an “expert” difficulty for a game.

If you don’t own an Atari 7800 (which you probably don’t), you’re in luck! You can find a remake online under the same title. It’s worth checking out, although it doesn’t quite do the full game justice. It has much better graphics, and actual music, but it doesn’t quite have the solid controls the original did. Considering Ebay is the only place you’ll find an Atari 7800 nowadays, you might as well try out the flash version (Ebay prices can range from 1$ to 60$, but it probably won’t work anymore).

This game has it all. Ninjas, sports, sharks, dragons, good controls, and even a great challenge! It’s a shame such a game was never played because no one had the Atari. The only chance people will have of playing the original is if (in the unlikely event) it gets released through Virtual Console, Xbox Live Arcade, and the Playstation Network. It’s very unlikely, but one can hope.