Duke Nukem Forever

Rating: M

Score: 11/10

Fifteen years is a long development time for any game-the world record longest, if I remember correctly. Development started fifteen long years ago, only to be delayed again and again. Soon enough, Gear Box (maker of Borderlands) stepped in to say "Okay, this is nonsense. You're all fired, this game is getting made". As you'd expect, fifteen years of development made it the best, most polished game in the world. This godly piece of work is available for the Xbox 360, Playstation 3, and PC.

You start off in the most epic way, fighting the last boss of the last game to prove you mean business. You're Duke Nukem, a war hero thanks to all you’ve done for your country. Another threat attacks your country, and you fight them one vs them all, like a man.

The dialogue is even better. Everything said by Duke is in such a rough and tough voice, and all the dialogue spoken by him is so threatening, you'll feel like you're in a movie! It's Dirty Harry mixed with Chuck Norris and Mr. T. The testosterone levels couldn't BE any higher.

Unfortunately for the aliens, they aren't intimidated, so Duke takes his best weapons and shows them whose boss. Games like Call Of Duty and Halo can't even compare to Duke's shooting. It's so much smoother and more violent than the mainstream first-person shooters. This is no doubt from the long development time; all games should be detailed several years to reach such perfection.

Not only is it so much better than all other shooters, it parodies all the other shooters and calls them out on being terrible! That takes guts, but Duke isn't afraid. It knows all games will now strive to be nearly as good. It's the benchmark game of all of eternity!

Even when you aren't shooting, almost everything is interactive. Sinks, water coolers, boards, mirrors, microwaves - it must've taken roughly fifteen years to program all of these things! It adds a lot to the Duke Nukem experience, knowing even when you don't have your hands full with bad guys, you can still have fun playing around in the game world.

Of course, the game is based around your ego. Your ego is your "shield", if you will, and having no ego will make you susceptible to damage. It goes without saying Duke always has full ego normally, but they needed a way to balance the game so that it was at LEAST a fair fight.

Iin all seriousness, this game is very...mediocre. The combat is mediocre, and it has glitches that should've been fixed during the FIFTEEN YEARS they had to fix them. Despite that, it's a hilarious game. From the ego meter to the hilariously bad one-liners to the fact it took fifteen years to make a game so mediocre, to the fact the load times are UNBEARABLE. Let’s score it a generous 6.0, with humor keeping this game about average (even though nothing else is). Not even Gearbox could save the Duke.