Cowboys, Aliens and the Tuesday Group 8/2/11

The Tuesday Group opted for air-conditioning and aliens this day as we fired our retro rockets for a landing at the AMC Hampton Towne Centre 24. We were there to view the much anticipated flick "Cowboys and Aliens" starring Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford. Saddling up this day were Dottie (dressed up in her best cowgirl duds and Spock ears), Bruce and Margaret J, Vic and Margaret P, Ellis and Marti, Ed and Jane M, Sandy B, Sandy C, Jane O, Curt, Dan, Ron and Sue, and Phyllis. The movie opened to a moderately damaged, semi-conscious and very dirty (but still quite attractive) Craig waking up to a funky bracelet on his wrist and 3 skanky bounty hunters about to do him wrong! Craig quickly dispatches the desperadoes, grabs one of their horses, finds some boots and heads for the town of Absoluton where the fun begins. He meets the girl, beats up a bad guy, gets arrested and goes to jail. Then we meet Harrison Ford who plays the crusty, curmudgeonly cattle baron who has a bad attitude and a bad relationship with his son. The town is then viciously attacked by aliens, Craig escapes from jail and a bunch of townsfolk are abducted by high-tech lassos from the alien ship-including the sheriff, the wife of the saloon-keeper and Harrison Ford's worthless son. Craig discovers that his bracelet is actually a death ray capable of blowing big holes in anything that gets in his way. (Oh, by the way, Craig cannot remember who he is, where he's from or how he got the cool bracelet. We know he is the much maligned but good-hearted stagecoach robber, Jake Lonergan). Craig and Ford join forces and ride off to rescue the abducted family members. They spend the night in an upside down boat where we get to see an alien close up-shaped like an ape, beady eyes, 4 arms (2 of which are concealed behind a secret door in the chest) and lots and lots of yucky mucus. The movie really takes off then as the rescuers are besieged by bandits, Apaches and more aliens. The Apaches help Craig regain his memory and his girlfriend (now dead) gets reborn (not her clothes) in a funeral pyre. It turns out she is a good alien (beautiful, nice eyes, 2 arms, no mucus) and will help them defeat the bad aliens. So, cowboys, Apaches, good alien, reformed bandits and one dog set off together to find the alien rocket ship (which is also a drilling rig for gold-which is what they are really after). They find the ship in the middle of the desert and they blow up part of it with dynamite. This makes the aliens very mad and they come scurrying out of the ship after the cowboys, Apaches and reformed bandits. Meanwhile, Craig and the good alien sneak inside the ship and rescue all the abducted townsfolk. Craig is captured by a Nazi alien who straps him to a torture table and prepares to make mincemeat of him with a LASER beam. But Craig manages to escape and kills the alien in a shower of molten gold. Meanwhile, the cowboys outside are really beating the crap out of the rest of the aliens. The aliens finally realize that they’ve worn out their welcome and decide to leave. They blast off and have nearly made their escape when the good alien (in the ship’s central core now) sets Craig’s death ray bracelet to system overload and drops it into their reactor. Ship and aliens all go BOOM.

The townspeople return to Absolution all wealthy from the alien gold. Harrison Ford is now the crusty and curmudgeonly yet benevolent cattle baron who opens the new town bank and charges outrageous service fees. His son has forgotten that he used to be a nasty bully and decides to open a hair salon. Daniel Craig has lost his human girlfriend, his alien girlfriend, his cool bracelet, and all of the gold. But he still has his hat.

Best of all...the dog was okay.

And then we had lunch at the Crab Shack. Another great day for the Tuesday Group.

Phyllis