“There's no point in wishing. We can't change anything about the past. We can only remember. We can only move forward.”

After losing her mother to suicide, Leigh can’t help but focus on the past. How can you not? Similar to Leigh, I lost my father to suicide around Leigh's age. So, this book was difficult for me to read at times because Leigh's story matched my own experiences. I'm grateful though to Emily X.R. Pan for writing this book and only wish that I could have had this book back in 1998 because my own healing process could have started a lot sooner than it did. Pan's author's note does mention that she lost someone to suicide, so it's clear that she is writing from experience, one that I'm happy she is sharing with the world because it’s a topic that we all need to talk about more openly.

“Once you figure out what matters, you'll figure out how to be brave.”

Leigh becomes convinced that her mother has turned into a red bird and so, what matters most to her, is to embark on a mission to find the bird, figure out what it's trying to tell her, and to save it before the traditional grieving period ends. This task takes Leigh and her father to her mother's homeland where she meets her maternal grandparents, who she never knew existed before. While there, through elements of magical realism, Leigh begins to confront familial secrets that begin to show her what was REALLY going on with her family before losing her mother. It is through these encounters and experiences that Leigh and the rest of her family begin the healing process. The genre of magical realism made me a little nervous because it hasn’t always been my favorite. Nonetheless, the magical realistic elements enhanced this story and added to the healing and grieving process that Leigh and her dad experienced. Make sure to tread lightly knowing that these elements exist, otherwise you might misinterpret the book and lose the message that Pan is trying to convey.

Although I would have loved to give this book 5 full stars, there were a few things that bothered me: I didn't care a WHOLE lot for the romance between Leigh and Axel. On one level, I understood why Pan included it in the story. I believe that it showed how grief affects every relationship of those left living and how each person handles sorrow in a different way. It also makes a lot of sense in the end and leaves the reader with some hope and positivity for the characters, especially since the rest of the story is sad. All in all, I just felt like it was an unnecessary toss-in of romance to a story that didn’t need it. Must ALL young adult books delve into a romance?

The other thing that I didn't like is that it was hard for me to believe that Leigh was 17 years old. She seemed a lot younger based on her internal dialogue. The positive part of this is that she can still appeal to younger readers, as well as high-school aged students.

Regardless, this book receives major thumbs-up for diverse characters, raw emotion, heartbreak, love, family, magical realism, and addressing grief in a real way.

So, I leave you with the following quote:

“The purpose of memory is to remind us how to live.”

This book will remind you to truly live your life.