How does my mom inspire me?

I enjoyed adding an abstract aspect to this investigation, exploring more sensory and associated objects or feelings with my experience with my mom. My Tea Flower Frenzy brings the essence of my life experience,  this piece has a lot of emotion in it for me and is an exploration of my feelings in a lose expressive way that felt very freeing and transformative.

The concept behind my Yellow Home is the feeling of my house being a shrine to my mother. My mom and her house are so interconnected and so much emotion lies in its walls. I wanted to create a simplified version and then enmesh it in aspects of her garden and her things, giving it a nest-like feel. The surrealness in this painting is there and that tells a story as well, but layers and details need to be added for me to fulfill my wish for this painting, even my mom agrees.

For my sustained investigation and art in general there is often a push and pull action going on between the left and right side of my brain. A lot of my technique is controlled and deliberate while I often have a strong creative urge to be messy and colorful and add an element of freedom to my style. This is a constant battle for me. I think that with these sustained investigations I let my rational mind take over to try to create detail and technique without letting myself breathe and feel safe and calm in my process which is where my art becomes a transformative meditative thing that reflects in my work.

To be completely honest art is not a big priority for me right now. I have college stuff and so much, in general, I feel like I need to control. I think that along with my personal growth, I can begin to implement more mindful and restful art along with radically accepting my lack of control and the detriment of my unnecessary struggles. My art block and anxiety are very much correlated. I must continue to remind myself that doing art IS being productive even if it's not going to the gym, listening to a podcast, working, or studying. I think if I focus on chilling out my art will begin to blossom when I feel more safe in my life and the world.  

With art, I feel like I need to continue to push myself to be uncomfortable to grow. Painting on a dishcloth for my Kitchen Scene was scary, I admit. I think that if I continue to experiment with fabric and more tactile materials it will help me to grow as an artist and push me into overcoming my fears of failing that don't serve me.

My work has become more experimental, I'm dabbling in styles that once intimidated me. For me, my work has become more about blind expression, where the literal process, besides the initial idea, is almost separate from my investigation and then I step back and piece together what I did. I don't know if the art experts would endorse this process but it has been working for me often. I think this all also comes with being a more mature artist, as my skills and confidence have grown I find it harder to go wrong and I find a lot of freedom in that.

My art is a HUGE part of me, and it is very connected to my emotional state, I think of it like emotional maintenance sometimes. I think that reflecting and exploring what art does for me is important to me as a human and I believe if I continue along this path I will be okay.