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1. Today Disney Studios announced that this Fall it will debut a new, ultra-hip Mickey Mouse Club.

CEO Monroe Grubber stated the show has been updated to appeal to the tastes of today's modern "tweens"

-- while retaining much of the original classic's wholesomeness.

1. Oprah regales her audience as she demonstrates how,

as a young child, she mounted her first Shetland pony.

2. While in Ireland, Oprah's unfortunate attempts at clogging proved an embarrassment.

3. "A fist to the throat -- a foot to the groin -- and he never mentioned "anal" to Shondra again!"

1. In the second of a series of posters created by the Justice Dept. to raise awareness of sexual harrassment, a woman is fondled from behind by her superior.

1. "Far be it from me to complain to you two about all that groaning

coming from your bedroom last night."

2. "Can you get her to stop trying to heal the coffee table?"

1. Rough and tough prison guards at Texas's Gatesville prison make their rounds in their new uniforms.

The fashion-conscious ladies say the outfits give them a powerful psychological edge over their

more mundanely clad female prisoners.