Can't Be Cool
Can’t Be Cool
It was senior prom on a Friday night
The stars were lined up the moon was full bright
My first date with the head-cheerleader
Was a green-light go and I was out to exceed her wildest expectations
And my old man’s Ford threw a Simonize glaze
As we tore off into the purple haze
And I felt like Brad with Angelina
I was damn sure the prom crowd had never seen a pair like us
Then I heard what sounded like a chainsaw cutting on a fender
And a flash of undercarriage sparks started burning off the splendor
Well you can’t be cool – I could feel my mojo sagging
Well you can’t be cool – I could see her face red-flagging
Well you can’t be cool with your muffler dragging
I’d be pushing up daisies if looks could kill
I felt like the mayor of Whitetrashville
Scraping and screeching on down the highway
And my sweet dream turning to a nightmarish Friday fiasco
That she didn’t leap out was real kind of her
And the valet parkers all ran for cover
When we roared up all big fake smiling
And both of us just flat out reviling our existence
And everybody inside heard us and that god-awful clatter
And everybody stepped outside to see what the hell’s the matter
Well you can’t be cool – I was history in no time flat
Well you can’t be cool – And she split like a scalded cat
Well you can’t be cool when your muffler's dragging
It’s a lesson I learned and I’ll teach my kids
The best laid plans can hit the skids
You gotta shake things down to get rock-steady
Gotta make damn sure that your rocket’s ready for the ride
"Cause you can't be cool . . .