Can't Be Cool

Can’t Be Cool

It was senior prom on a Friday night

The stars were lined up the moon was full bright

My first date with the head-cheerleader

Was a green-light go and I was out to exceed her wildest expectations

And my old man’s Ford threw a Simonize glaze

As we tore off into the purple haze

And I felt like Brad with Angelina

I was damn sure the prom crowd had never seen a pair like us

Then I heard what sounded like a chainsaw cutting on a fender

And a flash of undercarriage sparks started burning off the splendor

Well you can’t be cool – I could feel my mojo sagging

Well you can’t be cool – I could see her face red-flagging

Well you can’t be cool with your muffler dragging

I’d be pushing up daisies if looks could kill

I felt like the mayor of Whitetrashville

Scraping and screeching on down the highway

And my sweet dream turning to a nightmarish Friday fiasco

That she didn’t leap out was real kind of her

And the valet parkers all ran for cover

When we roared up all big fake smiling

And both of us just flat out reviling our existence

And everybody inside heard us and that god-awful clatter

And everybody stepped outside to see what the hell’s the matter

Well you can’t be cool – I was history in no time flat

Well you can’t be cool – And she split like a scalded cat

Well you can’t be cool when your muffler's dragging

It’s a lesson I learned and I’ll teach my kids

The best laid plans can hit the skids

You gotta shake things down to get rock-steady

Gotta make damn sure that your rocket’s ready for the ride

"Cause you can't be cool . . .