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1. The Justice Dept. today issued new graphic guidelines illustrating atypical examples of sexual harrassment.

2. Calvin Klein VP Edgar Gnash demonstrates the resiliency of the company's new "Run Impossible" hosiery.

3. Newly found in the wilderness after being raised by wolves, "Ted Bear" -- as he is known -- dons his first suit

and tie and is off to Tribeca with the Museum of Natural History's Mona Rothstein.

1. "Badge? I don't need no stinking badge!"

2. "Charm school? What the fuck is charm?"

3. At HUAC hearings, Shakira refuses to name illegal aliens, and asks: "Have ju no chame?".

1. The Obama administration today announced that America's

traditional masculine icon "Uncle Sam" will be replaced by the

feminine "Aunt Nanny", who will better represent the caring,

nurturing values of progressivism.

1. The Iranian ambassador is greeted at JFK and whisked into a waiting limo.

2. Mayor Bloomberg cracks down on restaurant patrons using too much salt.

1. Johns Hopkins has unveiled a new "french kiss" study which found that by

measuring pulse rates, children whose eyes were covered could easily tell

whether or not tongues were inserted during a kiss.