Grandma's Visits: Common Errors in Usage

1. No you:  When we speak, we sometimes use the second person pronoun (you) to mean "people in general." "You shouldn't smoke crack," a police officer might tell a crowd. But if he wrote the same words on a piece of paper and handed it to you, personally, you would feel accused, wouldn't you? When we write about people in general, we can talk about them in the third person plural (they, them), or we can include ourselves with the first person plural (we, us). But if we write the word "you," we are talking to and about that one single particular person reading what we wrote. You do not know enough about my life to write about it in your papers. Do not use "you."

2. No contractions, no abbreviations: When we write, we want our readers to know that we care about the ideas we are trying to communicate. If we abbreviate, we tell them we just did not feel like writing out the entire word. It's It is the same with contractions: they're they are designed to imitate the way that, for the convenience of everyday speech, we elide the sounds of common sound combinations. We don't do not want people to think we can't cannot take the time to write what we're we are meaning to say, do we?

3. No run-ons or comma splices: An independent clause stands on its own. Two independent clauses in the same sentence need either a semi-colon or a comma and a conjunction. Three ways to fix the following comma splice:

I love juggling goats, the goats enjoy it too. 

A: I love juggling goats. The goats enjoy it too. 

B: I love juggling goats; the goats enjoy it too. 

C: I love juggling goats, and the goats enjoy it too. 

4. No fragments: Because not everyone knows what an independent clause is. 

When we start a sentence with a subordinating conjunction. 

(do you see how both of these red sentences are incomplete? could you finish them?) 

Because not everyone knows what an independent clause is, __________________________________. 

When we start a sentence with a subordinating conjunction, ___________________________________.

5. Italics for titles of full-length works. Quotation marks for titles of short works (short stories, essays, poems). Herman Melville, for instance, wrote both "Bartleby the Scrivener" and Moby Dick. Moby Dick is much longer than "Bartleby the Scrivener," but both are fascinating.

6. Blend quotes into the structure of your sentences.

The words we quote must fit into the grammar of the sentence. Here's an idea from a student paper: 

 Later in the poem, it brings on a different emotion, sadness. Near the end, it says “But losing his balance in the process, inexplicably falling, hitting the floor” (30).

The quotation does not fit into the structure of the sentence. Do you hear the improvement if we revise this way?

Near the end of the poem, the boy is "losing his balance," and we feel sad to see him "inexplicably falling, hitting the floor" (30).

You want to fit the words of your source gracefully into the flow of your sentence, so that, were it not for the quotation marks, we would not even know you were quoting. Your citation goes in parentheses, inside the period, since the citation is part of the sentence.

7. Avoid cliches: We use metaphoric language so habitually that we often don't hear what we're saying. When giving advice to stay away from something, we might tell someone to "avoid _________ like the plague." Well, we've been saying that for four hundred years. But who avoids the plague anymore? Heard of any outbreaks here in Colorado recently? The metaphor is dead (as a doornail. Do you even know what a doornail is?).  If you want to make a comparison, create one freshly for the occasion, a fragrant wildflower bouquet. Any phrase that we use habitually deadens our writing. Here are some to avoid, and some more:

at the end of the day           back on track           the fact of the matter           few and far between          a level playing field          in this day and age          all intents and purposes          when all’s said and done           in conclusion               in the final analysis           come full circle          par for the course          think outside the box                in the current climate            mass exodus             at this moment in time          the path of least resistance          a baptism of fire        in any way, shape, or form

8. Present tense for literature: Julius Caesar is dead. He died a couple of thousand years ago. But every time we open the script of the play Shakespeare wrote about him, he dies again. Brutus stabs him. Mark Anthony gets angry. He takes revenge. Present tense.

9. Cite correctly. It's less complex than you think. When you quote someone, let us know. Tell us the last name of the author, and the page number. Then put the bibliographic information of your source on a Works Cited page at the end of your paper. For more information, see the research guide at the bottom of this page.

Also, for context, read this article about Scott McInnis, and this one about Rand Paul. How about this amazing graphic about Montana senator John Walsh? Finally, look: a famous historian being sued for $25,000,000 on charges of plagiarism.

10. Number/amount,  less/fewer: Can you count it? A number of kisses, an amount of love. Fewer rocks, less sand. A number of chocolate bars, an amount of candy. Less wildlife, fewer kangaroos.

11. P/A agr: Pronouns need to agree in number with their antecedents. A man can become whatever they want he wants to be. No, wait. A person can be whatever they want s/he wants to be. "A man," "a person," these are singular. "They" is plural. 

12. S/V agr: A subject, even when it is widely separated from its verb, even when there are a lot of phrases between, have has to agree with the verb.

13. Its/it’s: Possessive pronouns are already possessive. They don't need apostrophes to signify possession. The apostrophe in "it's" signifies contraction: "it's" always means "it is." I see this mistake on menus all the time... drives me crazy: FRENCH DIP, roast prime rib marinated in it's (IT IS) own juices. Come on, now.

14. There/their/they’re: "There" is a location. "Their" is a possessive pronoun. "They're" is a contraction meaning "they are."

There are twelve cows over there. They're chewing their cud, as usual.

15. To/too/two: "To" is a preposition indicating direction. "Too" means also. "Two" is a number. 

You're going to a movie? The two of us want to go, too.

16. Then/than: "Then" marks the next in a sequence. "Than" indicates comparison.

I ate dinner, and then I ate dessert. Dinner cost more than dessert.

17. Lie/lay: To understand the difference, you will need to know what a direct object is. Here's a sentence: 

Frank reads.

In this sentence, Frank has a habit of casting his eyes over letters. But what does he read?

Frank reads comic books. 

This sentence has a direct object: it answers the question of what is being read. The direct object receives the action of the verb.

Now, the difference between lie and lay has to do with whether there is a direct object.

I lie on the bed, but I lay the book on the bed. 

The book is receiving the action. If you lay on the bed, there must be something (or someone) you are laying there.

It gets confusing in the past tense: the past tense of lie? lay. The past tense of lay? laid. I know. That's just cruel.

Here's a video that explains it (with strange, droll tone!):

And here's our class mini-lesson on Lay versus Lie.

18. Led/lead: The past tense of the verb "read"? read. The past tense of the verb "lead"? led. Not lead. Lead pronounced with the short e sound is a heavy metal.

19. Affect/effect: There is an exception, which I'll be happy to explain, but in general "affect" is the verb, and "effect" is the noun. This music affects my feelings. It has a calming effect. 

20. Loose/lose: The first is an adjective, the second a verb. The bolt was so loose I was afraid I might lose it.

21. Definitely learn to spell this word. If you spell it wrong, I will think you might be defiantly refusing to learn anything in English class. Notice the word FINITE inside of the word definitely?

22. if fallacy: If my aunt had a beard, she would be my uncle. But she doesn't, so she isn't. Similarly, when we make a literary argument, we argue more strongly if we analyze what DOES happen, rather than speculating what might have happened if... 

If the bears had been gone a little longer, Goldilocks would have escaped.

True? We don't know. The story says the bears came home. Write about what happens in the book.

When the bears come home, they find Goldilocks still asleep. And mighty tasty, too.

23. based ON: Think about a statue. We don't base the statue off its pedestal, do we? That would look ridiculous. Similarly, if they are any good, our arguments or judgments are based ON facts or research, not based OFF of them. 

24. Quotation marks are only appropriate when we directly quote someone, and can attribute that quote. No quotes for emphasis. Air quotes only work when we are talking.

25. the reason... is because... This is a redundant construction. The reason this is redundant is because it says the same thing more than once. The reason is that it is repetitive. This is because it says the same thing more than once.

26. Comma rules: Learn these. They save lives.

Comma for direct address: 

• Consider the difference between "Let's eat, Grandma".... and "Let's eat Grandma."

• or between "Do you know my brother Tom?" and "Do you know my brother, Tom?"

• I'll clean up my room later, Mom, after I have skinned the racoon.

Comma/conjunction to separate clauses.

• Priscilla cleaned her room, but she did not have time to skin the racoon. 

• Although Priscilla did not have time to skin the racoon, she did clean her room.

Commas to mark non-restrictive phrases.

• John, who has a cool car, won first prize at the auto show...        BUT

• Students who have cool cars can show them off at the auto show.

• Franny loves eating McDonalds french fries, which have no nutritional content....    BUT

• Her sister refuses to eat any food which has no nutritional content.

• My bicycle, which cost three thousand dollars, fell apart during the triathlon.....    BUT

• The bicycle that fell apart during the triathlon cost three thousand dollars.

Do you see the difference? If the phrase or clause is necessary to the meaning of the sentence, no commas. But if those same words simply add information or description, we use commas.

Oh, and commas for lists, of course. We prefer the Oxford comma. Here's why...

27. Parallel Structure: The elements of a sentence need to match. Avoid using a noun, and to use a verb, and then about the switch to a long explanation. This page is helpful.

28. Misplaced modifiers: When describing something in a sentence, the reader needs to understand what is being described. Here's a good guide.

29. Colon versus Semi-colon:   the   :   introduces a list or other explanation 

I love to eat exotic animals: lemurs, kangaroos, guinea pigs, and hamsters. They would love to eat me: look at my scars!

the   ;    separates independent clauses

I love to eat exotic animals; I hate to eat cows and chickens.

30. However: This word has two distinct meanings.

It means in whatever way: However you slice your lemur, the meat is delicious.

It means on the other hand: It is illegal, however, to kill lemurs for food.

It is not a conjunction: Lemur meat is delicious, however it is illegal to kill lemurs for food. This is a comma splice. 

To correct it, either use an actual conjunction...

Lemur meat is delicious, but it is illegal to kill lemurs for food. 

or 

Although lemur meat is delicious, it is illegal to kill lemurs for food.

or use a semi-colon...

Lemur meat is delicious; it is illegal, however, to kill lemurs for food.

Did you notice how, when I use the meaning "on the other hand," I bury the however in the middle of the clause? That's a good stylistic choice.