i. rain-lover
i love rain in the same way i love
long, mediocre television shows that i will never finish.
though they are boring,
at least i do not have to muster up any more
fake emotions.
i am not sure how to explain it but, i will say this.
ii. melancholy
i love rain because she is supposed to bring a gloomy day.
she sets you up for a grand failure outside the grasp of
your desperate, weary little fingers.
every mistake you make falls into the soft cushions laid by her precedence.
i love things that were doomed from the start,
because the pressure to live perfectly
makes me want to
weed out fine strands from my scalp until only red glean remains.
i love things that were doomed from the start,
because now you can make something out of nothing,
instead of fearing that you will waste your something until it is
nothing.
iii. parasites
a million unwanted thoughts contend themselves before me,
parasites that refuse to leave me alone.
amidst
overlapping chatter,
harsh disapproval, screaming imperfection, rain sounds like silence and tastes like freedom.
iv. savior
i want to sink my nails like daggers into a sallow face that is no longer mine.
i trace the holes beneath my eyes with fingertips gone cold.
i want to throw something with such piercing force that the wall becomes its new home.
but rain listens.
she beats and batters the life out of every shameful thought until her silent hymn is
the only voice left in my conscience.
v. rain-lover, again
as others scramble from her unforgiving touch, i stand there and allow her to
defeat me.
i let her flatten my
carefully coiled hair,
smear the intricate black lines weaved across my eyes,
dilute layers of meticulously matched powder. i succumb to her heavy hand, let myself go.
and then i inhale,
gratefully,
her crystalline breath.