I walked down the stairs on a lazy Saturday morning to make myself a nice bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (the superior cereal). So you can imagine my surprise when I looked down at my bowl to see not the cinnamon-covered squares that I adore, but oh, something else. Oh! The horror of that sight, I almost fainted into it. It contained everything; the sum total of all knowable and unknowable. Salt water from the seas mixed with milk, mounds of land blending in with the cereal. The bowl opened up, and a wise voice tried to communicate with me as I stepped back from the all-knowing cereal.
“Testing, testing, one, two, three,” the voice boomed out, like a presenter checking a microphone. My bowl of cereal shook with every word.
“Uh-h-h, you’ve reached B-Bobby,” I said, almost forgetting my own name.
“What a stupid name,” said the voice. I think it was God.
Then a claw reached out of the bowl and I quickly flipped it over. In an attempt to contain whatever was inside, I put my math textbook on it.
The bowl simply...ate the textbook, which I suppose I should have expected.
The monster gurgled. “My hunger remains unsatisfied,” it said. “Come here, Bobby.”