I woke from my slumber, which exactly was 34200 seconds. For the average minded person, 9 hours and 30 minutes. I counted each strand of hair, 110,032. Great, no balding yet. I stood up and took 65 steps to get out of my bedroom, past the five other doors in the hallway, to the elevator. It took four seconds for the elevator to get to the bottom floor to reach my boss. In a fit of nervousness, I pulled out all 110,032 strands of my hair in 1.86 seconds, and neatly collected it all in a bag. My boss looked confused when he saw me, but he didn’t say anything. I handed him the bag of hair and told him, “In a number of days equal to the number of hairs in this bag I will take a day off.”
He blinked at me and slowly took the bag. “I—okay. Sure. Why not?” I am no longer willing to be a calculator sim chip for a TI-81. Loser, spend another hundred eighty for this work you cheapo.