*An advice exclusively for the husbands*
The 8th category of Husband - *The Finagler*
(FYI - the author discusses 20 categories of husbands)
Meaning of Finagler -
1. To obtain or achieve by cleverness or deceit, especially in persuading someone
(from the freedictionary)
Short snippet from the book -
He (ie this category of Husband) is the one who applies the texts outside of their correct context, or he utilizes the texts that he sees in his favour, and he clings to them without considering the welfare of others.
I will give a few examples to make clear that which I intend.
Some husbands use the statement of the Prophet salallahu alayhiwasallam - When a man calls his wife to fulfill his need, then let her come even if she is at the oven.
And they use this statement
If a husband calls his wife to his bed, and she refuses and he sleeps in a state of anger, the angels will curse her till morning.
The author explains...
There is no doubt regarding the authenticity of these narrations and a man reminding his wife of them is a good thing rather encouraged. And it is upon the wife to respect her husbands rights in this regard. Rather it is a legislative obligation upon her. However it is also requested from the husband to take into consideration the overall benefit when requesting (intimacy) from his wife.
The wife, as was mentioned before, is a person, and sometimes she may be in a state of mind which does not help her in answering your desire (for intimacy) at any and every time, or at the time in which you requested this from her.
It is also feasible that she is expecting a child and during the time of pregnancy the wife goes through conditions and stages that the husband cannot perceive. It is possible that her cravings and emotional feelings during pregnancy cause her to have hatred for her husband and to hate him being close to her. Rather it may reach the point where she hates smelling his scent even from a distance. Therefore in this situation it is upon the husband to take this into regard and to have patience and consideration.
It is also possible that the wife may have heard of a problem that took place in her family or some alarming news reached her concerning her family, so she is perturbed due to that ; and she doesn't want to occupy you with it. Thus all these things take a toll on her mindset and her behaviour.
And it is also possible that she is tired due to household responsibilities or she is sick and does not want you to know about her situation, desiring to preserve your feelings and out of love for you. She may be busy with her children due to one of them being sick or caring for them. So what would she give precedence to? Catering to your desires or raising her young children whom both you and she are accountable for?
There is no doubt that she will be in distress and in a bad mindset resulting in her coming to you reluctantly without enjoyment and uncomfortable as if she were a mere doll. (this will be the affair) if you don't take her affairs into consideration and have patience.
Let us be just when speaking about the rights of our wives and acknowledge that our women - most of them, if not all of them, save a few who are not the norm - seek closeness to their husbands when it comes to intimacy...
End of snippet
Then the author goes on to mention 3 categories of women (wrt their intentions), in seeking intimacy...
An amazing, concise and thought provoking book
Very highly recommended for brothers who are married & also who plan to get married soon
For arabic version check
Those in Birmingham check salafi bookstore.
Those in Bradford check salafi bookstore
Those in USA check authenticstatements.