The Drow Campaign

players being a part of the lowest noble house, De'viir. During the time of the Drow Campaign, the Menzoberranzan was at war with an alliance of surface races: humans, elves and dwarves. Part of this could be attributed to the order of society being weakened, due to Lolth's disappearance. This meant that their unholy energies were fading, and clerics were becoming non-existent. The drow were fighting a slowly losing battle, but the actions of the party would influence the final outcome of this part of the underdark. House De'viir was always early to fall, leaving the party consisting of the last surviving De'viir household members, now in enemy territory. The group was always lead by Charaema De'viir, with Syndra being another constant across every game since her debut during the second attempt. Each reboot saw various changes in the party structure, none of which proved effective.

Player Characters Involved

• Charaema De'Viir
  • In every iteration Charaema De'viir was one of the more promising young De'viirs, on her way to becoming a priestess of Lolth. Her class was monk.
• Syndra De'Viir
  • Syndra De'viir went through many changes, as a sorceress in her early concepts, to an alchemist apprentice/homebrewed caster.
• Miriam De'Viir
• Daenerys De'Viir
• l33t male surface ASSIN
• Living suit of armor thing aka the Flower Knight
• Action-Jackoff's stoner drow man
• Wannabe zany (but the exact opposite of) Kender

Attempts

First Attempt

• The first attempt of the Drow Campaign was small scale, and featured the talents of the DM's dashing man-crush playing Lady Charaema, and the ever popular DM himself, masquerading, this time, as a human male ASSIN. You know, instead of actually playing a drow like he did in every other fucking game.
• Our humble clusterfuck begins with the lower than dirt, but oh so self important, male Ass-Slave being sent off to fetch someone of actual importance, Priestess Charaema. Ginafae had tasked her with the assassination of a Matron from a rival house. Perhaps the Matron had a sick sense of humor or perhaps her mind had degraded into powder when she heard the DM stating that "females arnt in charge of the underdark.", but she sent the Ass-slave along with the priestess.
• Charaema soon had a plan in mind. This particular house was known for it's multiple orgy parties, and during such, the nobles freely intermingled with the servants and slaves in one large, well, clusterfuck. Charaema would obtain a small vial of deadly venom, and infiltrate the party, posing as a lowly servant girl. A trivial mission really. Step in, poison her goblet, and step out.
  • The DM disagreed. He deemed it necessary to lend his vast talents to operation, by posing as a guard. He split off from Charaema, who didn't register his presence either way, to obtain a suit of armor. Upon nearing the city barracks, he was detained by the slave mistress and brutally beaten. When she had her fill and left, DM crawled into the barracks on broken legs. Finding a random locker, he attempted to open it... only to find it locked. Cursing, and failing three more times, the guards in the barracks were getting more than suspicious. In an effort to throw them off, he sent out his famailar a shadow snake, to cause a distraction! It was quickly found and killed, and DM was captured and severly beaten again for walking about freely, entering a restricted area, and attempting to impersonate a guard.
• During all this fuckness, Charaema had already suceeded in her goal, and was enjoying the festivities herself before heading home. A few days later, Ginafae tasked Charaema with the capture of a surface dwarf commander in a nearby camp for interogation. However, good ole giggly Gina decided it would be a great idea to send the useless, unobedient and now physically as well as mentally broken ass-slave boy along with her.
• The camp was reached quickly, and Charaema decided to bide their time on the cliffs above, until the soldier's activity died down for the night. When conditions were optimal, they crept down into the camp, and approached the largest tent. Charaema cut a small hole in the side to glance in, and confirmed that the commander was indeed inside. Her plan was to sneak into the tent, knock the dwarf unconscious, and take him back to the city in one fell swoop. DM remained silent. How dare this mound of fuck-meat give him orders?! As soon as she crept around the side of the tent, DM stuck both hands through the small dagger hole, grasping and flailing loudly, as though the hole he was fisting were his own. The tent collapsed and awoke the entire camp.
• In the resulting madness, Charaema subdued the commander, and used him to deter attacks from the awoken soldiers. DM, while getting the shit kicked out of him by the men, suddenly had a great idea!
  • "If I attack you, they'll think i'm on their side, and they won't kill me!"
  • "DM. If you attack me, I'LL kill you."
• DM tries to swing at his better, but misses terribly and begins to run. Charaema, with her free hand, throws a shuriken into the ass-slave's ass, nearly killing him. She retreats with the commander, while the soldiers continue poking holes into the slave.
• DM manages to escape with 1HP, and finds shelter in a cave near the campsite. He spends one miserable day in the cave, bleeding and sobbing, before creeping back out at nightfall. He slithers back to the campsite, and out of PURE UNBRIDLED RAAAAGE... lights one small tent on fire, before running away giggling and leaking any dignity he had left into his underclothes.
• Upon returning to the Menzobarrenzan, he was stopped by two guards at the city gate. Here is the following exchange:
  • "Halt slave! What do you think you are doing outside city walls without your mistress?"
  • "Pfft." *voice lowers comically, but is being dead serious* "Yeah, I just blew up the entire surface army."
  • Guards blink at each other in a moment of pure shock at this bitch's stupidity, before beating him into unconsciousness, and taking him to the slave mistress to be beaten for the fourth time upon awakening.
• The next day, Charaema wakes up to the city under siege by surface forces. In the ensuing pandamonium her house crumbles, and many are killed. She escapes however, and makes it outside the city limits, and into the wilds with little trouble.
• DM, awakening a tangled mess of bruised and battered limbs in the bloody slave pit, had a hard time distinguishing the collapsing of the city walls, from the pounding in his cracked skull. Groggily he made his way up to the streets, and seeing them underseige decided to act like the "Bad-Ass Assassin" he was... and ran away... JUST LIKE EZIO, WOAH! Upon reaching the river, he happened across a rope, leading from his side to the other. Instead of, I dont know, actually pulling an Ezio and running across, he decided to cut it and swing across. The length of the rope was further than the 4 foot drop to the river however, so his "swing" resulted in him falling into the river, and being dragged away by the current, smashing into the many jagged rocks along the way.
• Some time later, as Charaema followed the river through the wilds, she paused a moment to rest on the riverbank and collect herself. As she begins to mediate, she is disrupted by a pathetic gurgling crying from the shore nearby. Following the sound, she happened across her missing bitchboy, now a pathetic mass of tangled bloody limbs, broken dreams, and salty tears. DM pleaded for mistress to take him back, but Charaema happily ended his miserable life then and there, by sliding the heel of her boot deep into his throat.
• It was here that the session, and the campaign, ended. This was the only iteration of the Drow Campaign to end on such a happy note.

Second Attempt

• With the departure of the DM, the second attempt of Drow campaign was looking hopeful. It featured a better, more evolved storyline, and the GM had a deeper understanding of the Underdark. The game was prepared in the more simplistic 5th edition, and there was a new batch of players to enjoy it. Unfortunately that would become the game's downfall.
• Kenders are a curious and treasure driven race, very similar to gnomes. They can be wild and unpredicatable as to what will catch their fancy next. Take away any drive and personal initative and you have our wacky zany Kender.
• What happens when you mix a warforge with a gay pride parade, and a player determined to base his intro around aforementioned Kender? The legendary lawful good Knight of Flowers, dedicated to whomever presses his "on" button. Which happened to be the Kender who nearly failed to turn him on without serious GM intervention...
• A Wizard spends his entire life dedicating himself to his craft, perfecting each spells to become the true master of the elements... or at least he should. When he's not spending his entire life savings on medieval marjuana, "Action"-Jackoff's only moment of action was opening a door from his dispicable hotbox, muttering 'I'm not high enough for this shit", before retreating back inside.

Third Attempt

• This iteration of the game was also done to 5E, but was only made up of three characters: Charaema, Syndra, and Miriam the "standard drow ranger".
• The story began with Miriam, Daenerys, and one other male drow soldier, tracking down a group of surface elves who were scouting the underdark for the surface alliance. Capturing one, Miriam was expected to torture him for information. Despite their best efforts, they were unable to learn anything. Who knew that cutting off a man's balls and poking holes in his neck (just enough to stop him from breathing) would kill him?
• Drow FUN-FACT #387: Did you know that dark elves are insanely evil and cruel beings, who will frequently kill a person of lesser standing for even the slightest infractions? When the male drow failed his duty in combat, Daenerys order Miriam to kill him. Of course Miram being the basic, common, standard drow she is, figured the best move here was to argue with her superior, defending the male, from the evil and cruel, Daenerys. Normally, such an action is punishable by death, but being the first 20 minutes of the game, the GM opted for Daenerys breaking Miriam's Jaw instead.
• Similar to the beginning of the past two, the full party was instructed by the house Matron to destroy a rival house by assassinating the Matron. There were several different ways this could be handled. The party decided to poison the Matron, along with the entire house during their large, self-indulgent feast. They were to enter the house via the sewers, by utilizing an ancient escape route buit long ago. Unknown to the players, the sewers were infested with and trapped by Kuo-toa fish people. To defeat these newfound enemies, genious tactics such as blindly walking down obviously trapped hallways, and hiding behind the Shadow Sister Charaema were, somehow, successfully used.
• Th third attempt ended after house De'viir was destroyed. After sneaking into the rival house solo, and poisoning the fat tub of lard known as the Matron, Charaema leads the other two back to the house of De'Viir when it was attacked by the Do'Urden family. Charaema managed to fight off several ninjas, before being forced to retreat after watching Matron Ginafae fall. Syndra along with her master were attacked inside their alchmest lab. When the enemies attacked, Syndra responded by transforming into mist, and promply flying out a window to watch as her master was struck down. Miriam was doing basic drow soldier stuff in the De'Viir barracks when they were overun. Miriam attempted to perform a standard retreat, but was knocked unconcious during the process. The session ended here in order to attempt a mini-trial-demo of the Magic School game. It was then the GM decided that this game should be put on the shelf along with the many other failed games.

Deaths

• l33t male surface ASSIN
  • After a laughable fiasco of being flogged repeatedly by the guards, and trying to show off to everyone how much of a l33t Marty Stu he was, the ASSIN was faced with a difficult scenario. The city was falling, due to surfacers attacking, and he needed to escape alive! Springing into action he cut a rope going across a river!... only to fall into the stream due to the rope being way too long to swing. Here he was thrown downstream in the current, taking heavy damage from the jagged rocks, on top of his damage from the guards. Eventually, he reached shore outside of the city... only to be found by his two superiors, Charaema and Syndra. Charaema, enraged at his previous betrayal, and overall incompetence, slew him on the shore there, by pressing her bladed heel into his neck.