WARNING: Adult and less than happy subject matter. Adult subject matter and that is just the violence and sex. Not in order or organized yes.(And yes some disturb me on how sick humans can be? Tempted to put some at the bottom?)Poems here are cause I share them the most of my poems, either email, facebook, tagged or other means..Some are for friends now long dead but the pain is still there.. I do need to review my poetry, and edit some for spelling, format and add brief dedication or why or like. Not all my poems are about my life, but about friends or people I have seen or talked to or about social conditions and such.. Also collections so I can review for my possible book or maybe more.Also edit out duplicates unless there is a reason for the duplication, such as its one that covers several areas, grey/dark/love/grief or .. more on this..Added some more below, so as to have a collection easy to open when I am on my home dial up of all or most of the poems I share the most.
INDEX:FriendshipI Choose LifeHappinessForgive MeFreedomMuslim Women EyesThe GrailSuicideLongingDead by DrunkSteps 12RebornReflected AngerRightsRise to StandI Choose LifeI willIllusions of LovePull the TriggerPain MaximumPeace or PiecePeacePiecesNegativeGrailDeath and DyingGhosts of the PastNegativedepressionSlashesSuicideCellOutcastJessicaKnightly-----P-Friendship:
Friends, the dark days, the light day, the hard days,the nite times shared not out of lust, or desire, oreven vice and degradation but out of love, of companionsand times shared, love between two people, not of lust orsome base desire, but out of the need to be social, toshare moments, words, comments and vents or just hugs,and being there, to know others pains and help there,to see the pain in the others eyes and wish it gone,gone by sharing between two, not one alone.Mike Adams2005-------P-I CHOOSE LIFE,
as I sit here in this chair,I choose to live, and faceall before me alive, andwalk in the light of happiness,joy and living people..To walk the sunshine pathand let the past go away andfall away.. and choose life!!Mike Adams2011Thank you Flossie and your welcome Mom.Still writing the above poem, until I can write no more.-----P-Happiness
Happinesswhat is it?How can I knowam I happyor sad, I justdon't know.Success,failuresmile orfrownfear orno fearor just numbAlone orgroupSingular,many or what?Am I happy,or sad orjust numb.I just want tofeel, and knowhappinessto smileto have thingspeople andmemories tobe happy about.and just feelanything isjust a start.But nowwhat, andhow to goand be happyI like to knowPlease tell meshow mehelp meand notlet me gointo that darkplace aloneand lost,that hellnever again.Mike Adams2011(still editing)-------P-Forgive Me
I scream to quiet stonesBut no reply for they are goneand long dead. Beyond my painanger and longing for theirforgiveness. But still I screamfor the pain holds me fast.No room for anything else.No room for love, or joy.Only the consuming cancerthat dwells in me, givenfor failures in ancienttime, and now long gonebut still it lingers andholds me back, with ropesstrong and tight, stranglingall that I was, locked inpain unending, and no one tobeg forgiveness forerrors and ignorancefar from bliss.Mike Adams2009(still working on)-----P-FreedomA wordA sayingA timeA placeA ChoiceFreedoman obligationa MissionA hungerA thing tohold on tountil the endgiven up onlywhen all choicesare exhaustedFreedom is far from free!Mike Adams2007-------P-Muslim Women (For a)
Your eyes liketwin beaconsin the darkness,guiding husbandto home and kidsto prayer, strongand stern, andlovely beyondall hope ofunderstanding..For a Muslim woman.Mike Adams2003For the picture of an Afghani women, and her eyes, and a Muslim lady I once met.---------P-The Grail:
I seem to ramblefrom place to place,never staying onein any one place,ever searching,like a knight on quest,for that grail oh so dear,so close but oh so far,almost in sight,but never visible,I go on and on,until the end is here,and it draws near,and I can hear the callsof angels sweet,and I shall finally drinkof that cup,so rich and rare a draughtit shall be,for in the end,the cup will hold life,and life is so sweet,and to know this,I quest.Mike AdamsMay 1998-------P-Suicide:
So she cheated on you,gave you an incurable diseaseEmptied your bank accountHad you arrested for DVTook your kid(s) awayTold your friends liesand now they hate you.Do not give her the joyof killing you to!So put the gun down,the pills away,stop annoying that cop,driving fast,drinking like a fish.and piss her off by living!Mike Adams2006-------P-Longing
The pain of loving onewho can not be yoursand she will never knowfor she is blind to yourlove and caring for herin ways she may neverunderstand or be able tosee, she screams for anice guy, who wants herfor more just her bodybut she keeps, chasing anddrinking, or just not seeingher love and desiresor so she says, are herenext to her and she will notsee and so it is the dichotomythe irony of things inlove is close by but alsofar away, never to be shared.Explored or even expressedfor we are all blind to itand those who love usuntil it comes up, oftenat the worst time, or toolate. But such is lifeor fate or just timing?How to tell, show themyour love, and pain fortheir pains and agonies.Why, he or she is notgood for you, but youstand by and hope,and pray they will behappy, if with youso much the better, buthappy with who or whatthey are with, be happynot sad or worse in grievouspain and agony, fromanother bad time..Seeing them crashonce again, wanting toreach over and holdthem close, and showyour love, affectionand respect and longingfor them, but in thisthe pain, to wish thempain free, ....Please oh pleasenot another assholeor bitch or abusiveboy friend or girlfriendplease stop, it hurts tosee you in such painbut you do it once againand my heart breakseach time, and I wantto just hold you closeand protect you fromthe darkness, and knowyour safe, loved, andprotected!! But such isfree will, its not alwaysfor the best for you,and one has to learnwhat is best for oneself,but friends and thosewho love them, can help,guide, share, or even screamwhat the hell, we love you,we beg you please stop hurtingyourself and us who love you.But so I sit here, watchingseeing, knowing and hoping.I would tell you of my love,or show it, or just reach overand give you a gentle touch,to let you know we care!And please do not hurtfor we hurt with you.Find better, we prayeven if not me, just behappier and safe.For we are you, and youare us, and we are of one flesh,soul and spirit, togetheras friends, forever!(Still writing..)Mike Adams2011(still working on, its a long story and not sure how to express it fully)-------P-Dead by Drunk
A ManA womena childA futurebut whose?Theirsor others?Who can tellfor gonethey aredead by drunkenmeans drivingMike Adams2006-------P-Steps 12
Out of controlwhy am I here,jail? hospitalor drinking what evernext to me, what did I do,why the hand cuffs,have I hit bottom, or justsliding fast and no control.God or who or whatI need help, or I knowwhere I am goingfor I have seen itin friends, familyor just lost soulsdead to the worldzombies shufflingaround with onlythought, next drink,or hit or what ever.I once was clean, sober,had promise but ...No one wants me, theykick me out, call the copswill not me in a barI used to spend bankin, all cause now Ia bumb, drunk, addict.Why does my love hate memy kids fear memy work has fired meor friends all deserted meor worse just as bad as Iand we all don't care.please I need help,can you help me man? Womenor what are you, all is I knowyou or what are here and showingme a way, to a better way.I need you buddy, or friendor just one who had doneas I have done, and is nowhappier and knows a wayto peace, happiness andno more selfish ways andself destruction.For I know if it doesnot change, I will be oneof the bodies that lay aroundme, cloud my thoughts andgive night mares of uncertaincauses but all is darkor better yet numb..So how can I lookin peoples eyes andhave some pride or justknow they don't hate meor do not respect meor respect me for theviolence I have shownor know I can do butwish not to..No more pain, anger,but I wish peace, joyto walk with happy peopleand see my kid, or familyand know they can trust me,I will not use or abuse themfor money, or thingsI can sell for the drugor I can look myself inthe mirror, and see pastthe face now destroyedby years of abuse andsee intelligence once againwhere once was numb or beastialeyes. Cooking is not chemistry.So off to work, making somemoney, but save it,eat somethinghave some health back.Make peace with self,others and the world, and learnhow to deal with things, tonot crash, fall down, numb selfup on booze, drugs or think lifeis a constant party or no oneknows, people know and see youin the gutter and fear you, ornot want you around for the smellor worse that you present.Invading their perfect worldand not seeing who you once wasbut now are just a drunk, an addictlost and homeless or serving life.Creed, color, faith all the samejust an addict, with no god but abottle or pipe, pills or needle.All the same. Next hit, or lover,or what am I doing this for?sores, puss, bruises, teeth gone,smell all can smell from feet awayas you do acts you once thoughtdisgusting cause it was means, nasty,sinful. or just will get you pregnantor be called whore and not just femalebut males.Why is mommy or daddy passed outin the hall way, Whose that man with daddy,what daddy or mommy doing for money,and on that corner with marks up hisor her arm, for what, where are they at,why am I with you, whats a social worker?Whose in Jail, why they not visiting me.Are you my daddy? Mommy? Why did myparents sell me to you?Make peace with all, be happy,know how to be happy, clean,sober and then if you canto help others at their measureand pace and means to if theywish to be happier, to be so.Slow down, its not a race to dieor see who can die first, orhow long until you liver gives outyour body slowly shrivels up anddie by suicide, even if slowlyfor what is substance abusebut slow death, self inflicted?Here, can I help you out,please forgive me, if possibletrust me once again, as I learnto trust myself, maybe even loveme, as I learn to love myselfagain. Can I have my kids back!PLEASE!
Mike Adams2011-------P-Reborn:
Oh a man once said to his son,son pray you have not donewhat I once done, to stand beforethe gates of hell and said to thebeast with in, come forth you varmitand foul beast and face me,one on one, and come now quick,for I am dead but reborn..
Mike Adams2005-------P-Reflected Anger 2009
(For Chee Chee)I hit, I beatI strike outand hurt herbut not for whatshe did, but whatothers didbut she took itall, why I screamwas it love? LoveA love, didnot deserve,or patienceBut she tookit and I gave itand it was wrongin so many waysfor it was nother anger to bearor take, but mine.For not doingto those who hurtme to stand upand be a man anddeal with themup front, or justmove on, butinstead I beat herhard, and in shame.Shame once know,it ended butdamage doneand never to healthe pains givenin my angerand shame.She is gone, butremembered of myhumanity and weaknessand pledge tohurt no onelike I did herand in this I holdher memoriesdear and close.Please I begforgive me andbe at peace myfriend Chee Cheea dog in formbut a saint inspirit. A ghostI bear and holdand know like nailsholding me to a crossof my own making.Mike Adams2009-------P-Rights
We the people, of life, libertyand pursuit of happiness.I worship how I want, speak as I willand with who and how I share it.I arm as I wish. No soldiers at my place,At least with out renting.I am not a crook, Drove it, and no doublesHelp, speed, quality. My peers know me best.I am not a rich man, or love pain.This is not all, more to be revealed.All else is mine or my state.
Mike Adams2009-------P-Rise to Stand
I rise, to stand, a man broken and battered,battered by the causes of the age, the trialsand tribulations of life, love and desirefor justice unbound, who cares to rise with me?None, for all are dead around me, or gone to campsand prisons strong before me, or locked in housesand jails of their own making..Prisons of conformity, and wanting to belong,of thinking they are in power, illusionsof their own power and place..
Mike Adams2005------P-I CHOOSE LIFE,
as I sit here in this chair,I choose to live, and faceall before me alive, andwalk in the light of happiness,joy and living people..To walk the sunshine pathand let the past go away andfall away.. and choose life!!Mike Adams2011Poem in progress until no longer able to continue.Thank you Flossie, and your welcome Mom.---------P-I Will
Beat me, I willWhip me, I willHurt me, I willTease me, I willI will over come
Mike Adams2007-----P-Illusions of Love
Dedicated to lost love.Time is fleeting, ever passing into the day ago.Why do we hope for more than this I will never know.Though I do hope for more than this, for all I haveis hope and a dream for more than this mortal framecan have, but in hope I find a purpose, a direction,and my dreams a reason to go on, day and day, hourand hour, and on until one day my feet can move nomore, falling one in front of the other, and lay downand rest my head on the gentle hills of home and dreamof you my lady love once more.But until the time is here, I can not think of you forthe pain it brings to me, I can not think of your sweetcaress, the smell of your hair, and the feel of your bodynext to mine, for the pain it brings and to you as well.I can not face you, face to face, eye to eye, for my heartwill flutter and fly into worlds of fantasy and illussionbeyond all reality and hope for peace, and all I want todo is to behold you once again, but in this I have pledgedto never see you again, to talk to you, to know of whatyou do, and why, so in my honor and my word I deny youtotally and blank you from my mind totally.For denying you for now is the only answer I know, and inthis I write these words to work it out and let others knowof loss love and to hope for a better day when I can beholdyou in all your loveliness and see the light in your eyesonce again, and hope it is for me you see, and for me you doshine with such light that the stars and sun are no match,but alas that day will never come but in my mind andillusions. So this I pray for all my days to just let it be,and forget you for now and pray for another day.
Mike AdamsApril 24 1998For Kim, hell was not having her, but knowing I hurt her was hell as well.-------------P-Pull the Trigger
Pull the trigger,pull it nowpull it hardpull it fastpull it NOWI must die,I have to diethe painmust end itwhy do I go onwhat keeps me herebut the painthe unknownlingering numbnessthe cry for helpbut have nonewho cares formy painSo I sit, herewith this gun in myhand, someone pull thisdamn trigger.pull it fast, pull it hardyou piece of shityou worthless pile of crapwho looks like youor just me?Pull the trigger,pull it hard,pull it now,you useless sackof shit, worthless,can't pull the triggerright.Mike Adams2005(Last part added not sure where, not part of my other versions)------P-Pain Maximum
Beat meNothingWhip MeStill NothingI know you aredoing it, butI feel it naughtfor all I am in painI nothing elsePain maxed out.
Mike Adams2006-----P-Peace or Piece:
peace or pieceof love or deathlove or sexpeace of joyor of deathpiece of hellor piece of assfor ass you wage waror just get some
Mike Adams2005------P-Peace:
Peace, oh peace, what can I say of you,but the bodies buried, the burning buildings,the lives lost and children homeless,the refugees wandering from here to there,not knowing any peace, for war is all theyknow and the death of self, of culture andof peace.
Mike Adams2005------P-Pieces Piece by piecepart by parteach memory apart of a whole a whole that isfalling aparteach time to thinkof someone lost A part goneto the darka dark of alone alone in the darkall gone once knownnow gone into thedark of ... just gone. Barelyremembered now, butonce a life loved. But now just piecesfragments of a wholethat was lovedknown and missedslowly goinggoing gone intothe darkness ofI am not surejust gone. Missed and coldcold and apartfrom the wholeof us, friendslovers, or justfamily but allmissed. somelonged for, lovedlusted afteror just smiles Mike Adams200?---------------P-Negative A dark poola hole darkas midnighta lake of coldand darknessor just pity Why wallow in thepool of darknesscalled pitywhen the lightof happinesscalls youbut you justhave to findthe portalthe doorthe windowand the way My life hasbeen negative,seeing darknesswhen light. Seeing thingsfrom the darkside of things,expectingthings dark,and most of all,remembering onlythe negative things.. Mike Adams2005/2006working on it-------P-The Grail: I seem to ramblefrom place to place,never staying onein any one place,ever searching,like a knight on quest,for that grail oh so dear,so close but oh so far,almost in sight,but never visible,I go on and on,until the end is here,and it draws near,and I can hear the callsof angels sweet,and I shall finally drinkof that cup,so rich and rare a draughtit shall be,for in the end,the cup will hold life,and life is so sweet,and to know this,I quest. May 1998Mike Adams--------P-Death and Dying: Dying yes, dead not yet for with out life, then you havedeath or without hope there is death giving up before themark of death arrives to soon to give up to be given tothe pile or corpses piled high before hells door given upto the disease called dying, or cancer or some other malodythat saps our strengths and pulls us down down to the groundand in or to pyres high. glory, is just an excuse for dyingbetter than others dead. Mike Adams200?------P-Ghosts of the Past: Past, present, futureGhosts all, hiding the lightholding me fast to the deadGhosts holding me backGhosts hiding the lightGhosts blocking the futureA Fog of the DeadGhosts everywhereMy brain screamsWhy? Who? Where?Save me from this, butnothing comes backfor the fog blocks all. Ghosts of the PastPresent and Futureof friends lost andgone. Dead or cold tomy heart. Holding mehear, in the darknesscold and hopeless.Holding me hereto this mortal painof memories.Of ghosts holding meback from peace ofmind, forgivenessand understanding why?And of soul, lost andobsessed with the ghosts. Please it was fun, butyou left by hands ownor accident, or justplain stupidity. I tried to helpBut ignorance is nobliss. Actions to takeBut regret own guiltextreme. Questioningwhy did you hate us somuch, to leave withhardly a word?Or warning, why?Did you hate us so? Your life, family,friends and loves?To leave us thisvoid and memoriesdark. Ghosts holdingon long after theliving is long gone.But chin tightstill here. Lockedin this grey lifenearly ghostsour selves. (still editing) Mike2007Some times we get so wrapped up in the deaths of friends and how they died and why and questions, we forget tolive our selves and become almost as dead.-----P-Negative A dark poola hole darkas midnighta lake of coldand darknessor just pityWhy wallow in thepool of darknesscalled pitymy life has beennegative, alwaysseeing things fromthe dark sideof things, andexpecting thingsdark, and mostof all, rememberingonly the negativethings.. Mike Adams2006--------P-DEPRESSION: Depression what is it, why does it hold me back likea vice or chains strong. What can I do to remove it from my lifeand go on to bigger and better to follow my dreams most high oninto the sky, but I sit here chained to earth, like some stoneheld fast by miles of earth never to see the sky and sun, butfrom glimpshes short, only enough to know I am down deep in mydepression, and not happy with where I am, but with no way knownto relieve me of this burden. What cruel fate to be given avision, but as well let it be held in such a grip as mine. Oh to the sun I wish to climb, up into the sky like a bird onwing but this feeling of earth keeps me fast I struggle andstrain but I still remain tied to earths cold grasp, depressionis its name, but more than that is all I know is its effects onme and my path, crooked and often dead of end is this path, forwhen my energy is only enough to fight the depression there islittle left for others things than it. But there is some light at the end of this tunnel deep and dark,what it is I shall see for this thing is killing me slowly, inchby inch, miles by mile this depression is slowly killing what ofme there is that wishes to go on to better things. Pray tell thelight finds me before the darkness totally engulfs me in itscold dark grasp, rends my soul from my body and casts me to thepile of its latest victim with out a care of who I was and whatI could have become, just that I am dinner for it and my lifewas a good fight but in the end I was his and now my broken soullies here on this pile of broken dreams of mine and others.I crave the light and the promises made of my abilities, butstill held fast in chains most strong and deadly to this path Ido plod along, looking for that exit that will either save me orend my life and cast myself on to that pile so high of brokendreams and lost souls.
Mike Adamsc.1998-----P-Slashes (editing) One slashtwo slashthree slashmorefour slashfive slashsix slashdone One SlashTwo SlashThree SlashMore Marks onwrists deep andbloody One, two, threewhy can't I dieWhat keeps me hereUp down, side to siderazor, knife, canor other objectsharp will do I am numbplease make it stopthe painwhat painnot the slashed deepor superficialbut the pain behindthat I wish to showto bring outdig outand let outNOW! Mike Adams2005(Edited 06/04/05) (for a friend who likes to slash her wrists)-----(Written from the male perspective, could easily be from the female) P-SUICIDE: So she cheated on you,gave you an incurable disease.Emptied your bank account.Had you arrested for DV,Took your kid(s) away,Told all your friends liesand now they hate you.Do not give her the joyof killing you to!So put the gun down,thee pills away,stop annoying that cop,driving fast, drinkinglike a fish. Piss her offby living!
Mike Adams2006 (DV=domestic violence)---------------P-Cell: Cell dark but warmdoor locked and tightlocked in my roomnot by bars ironbut mental painand fear insecuremy room refugeor prison, self madeor forced by fearand anger of othersI am not sure. but here I sitbefore the lightand portal to the worldlocked in its grasptight and unableto move or leaveso I am lockedin my cell. No way outor just no stepsto get there. Mike Adams2006 --------P-Outcast Out cast orwalked out? Forced out orjust never part? Human or more orless how to ask orknow what. Walking alonedown the hiwayof life, singlenever part ornever welcomeWho can say. For he is longgone and silentbut none noticefor they neverknow who he wasor even that heexisted or justanother wall flower. Left to rott in thesummer sun, ornever thrives, forheld in darknessFuck them fortheir selfish ways. Christ pity themfor what they areis what they fearworse of all. Human. Mike2006-----P-Jessica
Jessica, to see her is to know paradise for her faceand smile speak of the soul within, the beauty of theexternal mirrors the internal. The internal is litheand lean full of clean, loving and blissful in her quietbut reserved way, but on the dance floor and she comesalive, moving soft and swift, fast and to the rythemof the music like she was born of music, her graceand style inspire me in ways not of lust, but of loveand respect, desire but not lustful but to be her partnerin the dance forever and a day, to shine together as oneand to know all secrets as one until the stars fallsaway and nothing can be said, but it was love thatfell from the sky, when I see her there before me.And I here, quivering but strangely inspired to saymany things, but falling short for to think of her,I fall speechless but in wanting to know her, I finda voice a voice I find with few, a voice of a poetwhose muse has come and stands before him in all herglory and grace, the sight of her face, would cause mydeath if she so willed it, but she does not for she isgentle in her beauty and grace in her face, and her touch..
Mike Adams2003Jessica was a lady I met at the Refinery and .. got to stop writing poetry for women who barely know me..-----P-Knightly
To love someone not for lustBut to wrap strong armsArmored shield to protectThem from the demons andDangers of an unhappyWorld and see the smileOn their face come backThe deep wounds healedAnd the trust returnAnd know love of anotherFriendship and peaceAnd know they are lovedProtected and safe, allGood and warm, in armsStrong but gently softFirm but open anytimeAs needed and wanted.
Mike Adams2012For many AndreaAnd others-----Copyright 1998 http://www.depressionisreal.org/depression-resources.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholics_Anonymous there is related programs for narcotics and other addictions as well as emotional needs.http://www.militaryonesource.com for US Military personnel and families when dealing with PTSD and other mental relation problems. 1-800-263-8255 Veterans Administration Suicide Hotline, they do not share info with your command/boss unless you ask them to. They are not DOD. 1-907-388-2553 Local Fort Wainwright Mental Health Office http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Poetry-L/http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Adulthumor-L/http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Abrigon-World/ -------Copy right Mike Adams 1998