Various not all are happy, some erotic, some how I felt at one time but nicely it passed.. Some are for people I have known over the years, and some are memories of events, Banshee Run for example. Nicely most Ambulance runs were successful and either no one was in real danger or they recovered!! Not fun to look into the eyes of a family member and see the pain and know you tried your best but ... it was not enough, just fate was not good, timing or ... just to much happened. Such as they was dead before they hit ground form a blown out aeorta, or they had drank way to much, or to much trauma or had breathed in to much diesel fume and like, or was just to cold to live? We all die, but some sadly end it way to soon, misadventure (drank themselves to death a misadventure or suicide), accident or just body was to old or broken.. Some below was me, or where I was going, or could have gone and stopped before going to far. Some sadly was friends and others I knew who did go to far and more. And yes, working on happier and more positive. Mike(yes I think I edited out most or all of the erotic poems in this collection!)
INDEX:Banshee RunThey are Gone!BiPolarSurvivors GuiltForgive MeReflected AngerI WillI am Borg (We Are Borg)God is DeadEnjoyDead EyesLady of LightPity MePoets NeedsScar on ScarSink HoleMaskGhosts of the PastLanternSelfStep by StepShe is GoneGeeks RevengeAbandonedDearest ChristLycaineMorgotiMorrigenDeath and DyingBreathAnalyzed InsaneCellAnger NumbWhat is a Man?NegativeOut CastMy Little OneShameShut DownOutcast ?--------------------P-Banshee Run A banshee screams into the night,Up from my bed I do jumpwhere, when, who, howas cloths jump on to my frameas I say good bye and run intothe night duty call or justa night. Running, acrossground icy, slippy anddangerous but I runlike a mad man, forsomeone dies tonightor not, I hope for mytime is spent to gettheir quick, safe, withthose who can do their bestto keep all alive. Good the rig is warmstarts, all readyconnection, wherewhere and where, topick up quick onon the way. Door openand I am on my way.Left, right, forwardon to the breach or justmake it so for others There he or she is,clothed like mebarely on running.Jump inside, what we haveand on, lights flash or notquiet night, so fast.But keep it safeThere they are.And in we go, withcops help and firementoo, we enter, whatto find. Scene Secure.Fire or dangers humanhelped to be gone. Chief complaint,cause and symptomobserved itemsand allergiesdrugs and issues Blood pressureobserved issuessmell and touchor just a twitch Collar on, or splintsor bandages, IV in.On board, but carefulone two three we go.gurne y on and comfyfor the cold can killinto the ride we do gorun run run other timessplint, tape, four by fouror just morale support On into the night toplace of healing I do hopeDoctors waiting, nurses tocops taking statementsone two three to anotherbed, and monitors doctors workingnurses helpingbags pumping,air in, nose or mouthblood and fluidswarming up, and alivenot dead, and cold. Heart pumpinglungs fillingbowels releasedcatheter in or notdrip drip dripgoes the meds,saline and plasma. Stitches if needed.Alcohol suspectedFamily there or notor none, or next.Bruises seen, soresmany, smells awful.Cloths in a corner Reports to do andremember, for latertimes and legal orjust what we missif anything? Transport, readybag sled, and shreddedpapers, ready and comfyescort here,family said goodbye. Off to the portwe go, holding handall is well to the plane.Thank you. An on to the landsbelow, for better carefor stable is okaybut more must happenor does or just in case. Sadly some do notget so far, or hurtsabide and come.Not all saved, it hurtsbut grieve abidesguilt or just how?Done better or at all?Why, no trust of ustheir friends or justthings happen? Driving bad or drunk?Issues of age or timeconditions comenot all live, some shortsome long, butHearts give out, lungsdeflate, time is hereor just sugar low or high.abuse, and pain, no willto live or just .. Mike Adams2009------P-They Are Gone: They are gone those faces in the darkand I am happy but sad in this for Iknew they for a short time, they haveeffected and affected me more than theirlived, loves and deeds, other than ourtime together as friends and some aslovers, but love not of lust butfriendship. But now they fade andI am at peace, but sad in their finalpassing for what of them and theirdeaths? I move on and live but howmuch pain has come from their deathssome self inflected, others by misstep.Some by some one elses hand and deeds.But they held me for years for theireffect and lives, lasting longerthan their lives was, but I measuremuch by their passing and the resultof their passing and my knowing them. Now to walk in the daylight, to lovemyself once again, forgiven not by themfor they are beyond any thing mortaland forgiveness is not theirs to givebut for me to forgive myself formisdeed or just ignorance and knotknowing how to do more or to knowthe danger of their words and acts. But I know the effect, the pain unendingwhat if I have screams and dwelling onfor many hours long and hard butnothing comes back but more darknessand it MUST end for in the dwellingI have lost myself, dwelling in darknesshating one self until all I have ismy self loathing and pain. Cryingalways never feeling more than theobsession of the pain of their passingand what I could have done better. To honor them by living and not dyingto move on and help others knowthe happiness of living and notdying in darkness and wander downpaths foul and insane. Lost in the moraseof depression and dead to all butthe strongest emotions and feelingsforces to hurt one self to just feelanything, to know anything and to hateoneself continually for what?Something that some else did and nowlong gone but me a victim stillof their passing or almost hatefulleaving of this life. Not trustingor just not helping me to help them. So now, we shall see, live, be happydo not solve small problems withpermenent solutions. Think of theothers you leave behind and do youhate them as much as what you leftthem with? So please live, andits not all bad, okay! We just oversimplify in the black and white,dark and light, happy and lack of. So if not for self, them for mefriends, loved ones or even thoseyou hate, for if anything you byliving will show your love for thosewho love you, and annoy the hellout of those who hate you and givethem purpose by hating you! But in this I LIVE! MikeAlaska2009-----P-BiPolar Dark to lightBut where is Grey?Up to downBipolar andOf a low but whereis the sides and middleor lost in clouds if speedfrom high to lowtop to bottomlight to darkdepression deepand deadlylost in a sea ofconflicthate and lovepositive to negativebut nothing in betweenBetween cliff and rocksbelow and death hardfor none can hang onto this cliff hangeralways on the edgebetween heaven and hellpleasure and painuntil all is lost andgone, never happyand be neutral. Mike Adams2007------P-Survivors Guilt (2008) The dead are gone, but what of those left behind?To bury the dead, to record their passing, butto keep going, worse to wonder what if? I had smiled, to show I loved them? To force themto find help, or even know they needed it, andhow much. Just to let them know you worry, andwish them to be happy, and find a way out of thedarkness, the corner them selves in, or forcedto be in. And get help, peace and life in thelight not death in the dark. Not only of lightand dark but of mind, spirit and love. Meanspeaceful, buit not death, for int their passingis lett questions of why, what if, trust, pain,guilt and hatred, not just anger at them, and self. Ignorance is blisss, is far from true, when dealingwith friends self destruction, for in not knowingbrings little bliss. He or she a friend, not only of genes but of blood and thingsshared, a piece of each other, and of all, who knew them.What hell was they in, to wish for early release from life?To not demand help? We who l;loved them, did they not trust us,or think us less human/friends or just lost in their depressionand path dark and lonely.. Or worse, they did trust us and wefailed them. But all they had to do was, butb we was not.Knowing what they was saying and is this we are at loss. No one I was enough to leave what they left behind,I know its selfish to die by gun, pills, poison or life destructive. Please come back, I miss you so much. Life is never full withoutyou. But I muddle along, plodding to find some purpose to yourleaving. And how to help others not to go how you went. To saveothers from guilt, for it should been me who died and now you.You had more to live for than I, but now I am truely old and youare long gone but young always in my minds eye. Mike2008? Not complete, lost the note book it was in.------P-Forgive Me I scream to quiet stonesBut no reply for they are goneand long dead. Beyond my painanger and longing for theirforgivness. But still I screamfor the pain holds me fast.No room for anything else.No room for love, or joy. Only the consuming cancerthat dwells in me, givenfor failures in ancienttime, and now long gonebut still it lingers andholds me back, with ropesstrong and tight, stranglingall that I was, locked inpain unending, and no one tobeg forgiveness forerrors and ignorancefar from bliss. Mike2009 (still working on)----P-Reflected Anger 2009 (For Chee Chee) I hit, I beatI strike outand hurt herbut not for whatshe did, but whatothers did but she took itall, why I screamwas it love? Love A love, didnot deserve,or patienceBut she tookit and I gave itand it was wrongin so many waysfor it was not her anger to bearor take, but mine. For not doingto those who hurtme to stand upand be a man anddeal with themup front, or justmove on, butinstead I beat herhard, and in shame. Shame once know,it ended butdamage doneand never to healthe pains givenin my angerand shame. She is gone, butremembered of myhumanity and weaknessand pledge tohurt no onelike I did herand in this I holdher memoriesdear and close. Please I begforgive me andbe at peace myfriend Chee Cheea dog in formbut a saint inspirit. A ghostI bear and holdand know like nailsholding me to a crossof my own making. Mike2009--------P-I Will Beat me, I willWhip me, I willHurt me, I willTease me, I will I will over come 2007-----P-I Am Borg (We ARE BORG) Alive but deadMind goneresistance lostburned outlost and givenup to the massesof the pastand socialpressuresor just forcedout forgottenfor sanityor just numb. Now justwe are borgand you willbe soon joinedin our unionof mindlessthoughtlesssoul less beingscollectiveand all dreamsdead, with ourjoined dreamover allall well belike us, nofreedom, orseperate thoughtfor choiceburned outfrom the bodytotal, all joinedas cells of thebody collected. Who you wasis now US! Mike2009--------P-God is Dead Hero, or villianSaint or demonGod or Devil 2009not finished (got some ideas but ... Just seen Watchman so ..)-------P-Enjoy Life ends quick.Enjoy while you have it.Friends come and go, all die.So in the end, enjoy.No get out of life freeNo life after deathfor this is all we haveto know and knownSo enjoy while you canfor in the end what is lifebut friends knownand sadly lost. Mike2008-------P-Dead Eyes Eyes stare backthey are deadand black, no lifethere, but memories Memories ofthe time I sawthem last. And what wewas to doand saidand dreamed. They did it tothemselves, butwhat of usthe survivors? Those who livepast the momentof their death Be it accidentor stupidityor suicide Those eyes stareback and Iforget alland nothing. So I cryand otheras well formemories gonebut remembered but not up frontbut behindthe maskwe put up hope it willstay therebut ourmakeup runsand the paincomes through. Dinner anyone? Mike2006 Wierd how the death of someone, will haunt you for years. For Eugene Dalilak, Everett Dick, Bon Tate, Karen, Karl and others I still find hard to remember, or name, or even remember their names, but one day the pain will back to the game, and we can deal with things.--------P-LADY OF LIGHT: Her eyes do warm the soul,to bring light to this darkness,to break the shackles of depressionand anger, her eyes to pierce the gloom,and break the chains that bind his soulto to the darkness.. She walks in grace,down the stairs of his prison, to find him,to cast away the darkness and the shadows,all fall before her love and beauty,not dying but reborn in joy and happiness..She sees him, alone in his cell, dirtyand disgusting in his filth and degradation,but she has but to touch him and it allfalls away like a dream once had, butforgotten in the days before birth.. He stands up, his shackles fall awayas he reaches to her and holds her close. Two souls joined as one, together forever,and no gloom can harm them in their loveand desires, for it is born of love sharedtogether, neither one above the other,shared loves, passions, desires, hopesand dreams.. together for an eternityand a day, never apart even when nottogether.. Bliss found and never lost..For even past deaths door they go together,forever and more.. Mike Adams 2005-------P-Pity Me Pity mePity meI screambut whyDo I deserveyour pity What have Idone to meritit, or earn it What haveI doneto makemy lifebetter? But wollowin my selfpity anddegradationbut neverstood upand doneanything. So stopand pityme not. Hand upor justremind me Stop.No pitytoday What have I doneto make my lifebetter, but be afraid,or fail one more time,or just wallow in selfpity and put myself down,or hold my self back,or worse blame othersfor my condition,when it was Iwho decided to stay putand not do anything? Take a chance, make a change,be positive, dwell not inthe darkness. Pity me not,for I have done naughty tochange my self, but fall intomud of my own choicing. Mikw2009 (still working on, so may rewrite it but will see).-----------P-Poets' Need We know the feeling,are we sexually enervated poets,or are we just longing people,do we need sex, or just love,to be hugged, to be noticed,appreciated, a smile or justjust a back rub.. A cuddlea tease, or yes, wild madpassionate sex with someone hot, or two. Mike2005------P-Scar on Scar Scars on scarsuntil all isscar tissueraised up andcancerousfull of pusand bleedingblood and pus. Mike2008?------P-Sink Hole Sink hole in the groundwhy you have come aroundgo away and fill upwith water or soilor just take the pain awayof my lost life and homeor just give me timeto fill out my claimreport or know the funof FEMA saying YESand the money to flowand to know the joyof a new house andplace to live, abovethe sink hole long goneand away from my soul. Mike2009-----P-MASK: A manor womenA lookeyes darkdead creepy but hidingbut whatpain angerlove losttrust abused a little childlost and abandonedforced to be darkto hate allto force all awayby eyes darkand dead. 2006still working on but got to find more fun things to write about.-----P-Ghosts of the Past: Past, present, futureGhosts all, hiding the lightholding me fast to the deadGhosts holding me backGhosts hiding the lightGhosts blocking the futureA Fog of the DeadGhosts everywhereMy brain screamsWhy? Who? Where?Save me from this, butnothing comes backfor the fog blocks all. Ghosts of the PastPresent and Futureof friends lost andgone. Dead or cold tomy heart. Holding mehear, in the darknesscold and hopeless.Holding me hereto this mortal painof memories.Of ghosts holding meback from peace ofmind, forgivenessand understanding why?And of soul, lost andobsessed with the ghosts. Please it was fun, butyou left by hands ownoe accident, or justplain stupidity. I tried to helpBut ignorance is nobliss. Actions to takeBut regret own guiltextreme. Questioningwhy did you hate us somuch, to leave withhardly a word?Or warning, why?Did you hate us so? Your life, family,friends and loves?To leave us thisvoid and memoriesdark. Ghosts holdingon long after theliving is long gone.But chin tightstill here. Lockedin this grey lifenearly ghostsour selves. (still editing) 2007------P-LANTERN: A Lantern burning bright take the anger from my sightremove this man who beats me so and make him pay for all to knowThat I am dead and all shall know that he took me and destroyed meslowly with word and threats of hands and fist and just controlwith money, and emotions foul and coniving A lantern was held up in loving hands of family and friendsbut how to go to it or even leave the darkness behind, to stay andbe controlled and beaten but its all I know? He loves me, justdoes not know how to show it, or some crap like that or is it justa little girl, in the dark, alone and no help to guide herThere must be more a safe place to be to find anotherbetter for you someone to not hit you abuse you, and use youto not be controlled and beaten even if beaten in mind and soul.Held down and kept down controlled by words and thoughts andarms strong or just kept like an animal not loved but usedabused most foul. A spirit dead from years of mental anguishor just not loved or not pretty enough or of drugs, and alcoholsome inside and some outside Lack of respect for selflack of joy in ones blessing to leave the darknessand take a small step but that step is agony for will he find mehurt me, beat me, abuse me tease me, let me go and findme and bring me back like some animal or worse, I go back to himfor he is all I know, all I have known, and I fear all I will know.But there is more, or is this just a dream, a dream that is fadingby the hours and days.. I am trapped but held here notby force, but by my own fear? Or just insecure of my blessingand beauty and knowing I am worth more than this crap.I am not a trouphy my children are not to be harmed but they arehurt by mommys beatings. Why do I go back but how to leave, no moneyno place to go, he will hunt me down and bring me back with friendsthat will help him and I have none? Where shall I go, who will I be withwhere will my children go and be safe God he has a knife and I have to run but where? To the lantern held high and bright by loving and knowing handswho take you in and hold the darkness at bay, and help you heal woundsdeep and numbing but always there. Mike Adams2006Still working on it. Wrote it for a gal I once talked to online.---------P-Self: Drugs, AlcoholOr just dramaUnleased. Pain,Anger, fear, orjust lonely.With nothing tofill the void ofsoul. But drink,drugs, and selfdestruction. Hatred of selfor just fear ofshowing more ofself, due to pastjearing, disrespector being to openand used by it.By the group, orthose in power,along against thethe crowd andriots of painbrought on bygroups social,not welcome, andnot wanted, allcause your mutant,geek, freak, orjust not pretty. What did you do wrongis asked, but onlyanswer is being bornout of time with whatis popular, or hot.Condemned from birthto second class statusall cause of gender,mixed race, or parentsunknown or just notcaring, or from thewrong side of thetracks or just bodybuild, or mind paths. How brutal but how itcomes to be for howmany? All out of shape.Not fitting that moldof what? Some hidden,or open standard.Enforced and deadlyin disrespect. Allprogrammed in by who?For what reasons tobe special or snottyfor some blessed andothers called cursedby fate, or just noone stands up to sayBullshit, and enough! To stand before thehouses of peer andmedia. To pressureimmense and many fallinto chasms, deadlyand purge themselvesto fit in, or to notdie alone! Destroyedand ravaged. Leftalone to deal withissues of self hatefear and loathinginstitutionalized! Mike2008 (still working on it?) ------P-Step by Step Step, step, step, but I look backand can not see the steps, and knowwhere I came from or where I am going,but yes, the steps are to big, to grand,and grandious no vision that goes backinto that fog behind, that far to seehow far they are apart, so I stepsmaller steps still as I step, andlook I can not see them all, no joy inthe seeing of them for they are still notthere in my minds eye. So smaller steps and on and on,and finally I find that just a smallstep, more a shuffle is what I needso I can see of how I bleed or howI go from place to place, lost, butnow I am found for in the steps small,I see where I am going, where I havebeen and can find joy in knowing thatI have stepped at all. And know, I amcompleting things doing things, makingsteps to improve my lot in life that Iam not walking in a fog or a bog of sandholding me fast but in a lane of my owncreation into the future, and the promiseof completion, of happiness in the doing,and knowing, of organized thoughts and dreamsnot lost in the morase of my own mind andhome, but links I can see now, visionsof things I have done and measure in myminds eye and memory now fast. Mike Adams2004------P-She is Gone Man, lays downhead in handlife is goneshe is dead Mike2005--------P-Geeks Revenge Beaten BatteredWalked on, spat onboot prints coveredIgnored or chasedput down, let downforgotten in the hall. But now BitchI have the poweryes oh mighty jockas you scream therewith piss runningdown your legs,and bawling likea cow at slaughter I have the gunI have the bombteacher dead on the floor likeso much shit it wasI asked a questionand was made fun ofnot cause I was stupidbut cause I was notits favorite. So who you call motherwhy me, cause I havethe power, but why? Cause I have moreforce than you?I can reach outtouch you hardharder than you everdid me, you and the teamas you chased me downlike a deer in flight, andteachers standing bylike cheering sectionsand snotty bitches alllined up, cheering you onas you made my life hell But do not worry,its all a joke, the gunyou moron is a water onethe bombs, grin, youignorant whore is justtubs of plastic madeof props from thetheater departmentbut the images arepriceless of you beggingfor your life, offeringme your body and allthe delights you haveshared with the teachersteams and others.. And I am getting an A inthe Drama class, causewell teachers in on it.I do not want them,why cause I sawthe report oh, whosethe father? And howmuch pennesillanyou going to need? Oh, yes, the schoolheard everything.Same for youSuper Jock,so now you can dreadLike I, and runfrom class to class,always in fear,dreading life and wantingto die and end it allbut never doneOr hunted like an animalby those who you oncecalled friends, butstabbed their backswhen gone. Mike2006? This is for all the geeks, nerds, special kids, and others who just for what ever never quite fit in, was left alone, ignored by the teachers, parents, staff, and abused by the jocks and social junkies of the world, who in the name of their drama, made others life a living hell.. For the victims of Columbine.. I wish it had never happened, but understand some on why it happened.------------P-Abandoned Feeling abandoned, neglected, not wanted,no one have patience to be with you,to teach you and help you along,and you help them as well. Alone,left behind, not wanted or needed.How to feel anything more. When youtrust no one not even your self. Mike2006-----P-Dearest Christ Please forgive themfor who they areFor they are whatthey hate the most.they ask for love,and accept hate instead.These beings call humanbut far from humaine. They blame Godfor being crueland angry but theyoften do it tothemselves. Hurt, pain, manipulate,and drama. Pleaseforgive them for justbeing what they hate most Human. Mike2006-----P-Lycaine I live alone, hunt alone,be alone like a wolf am I,but human too.Such is the quandryof my kin and kindred,we live alone,but need each other to survive,to go on and live and not dieby the hands of our enemies.Of which there is many, but all alone.. Mike2005/2008--------P-Morgoti: A horse alive but dead a rider riding slumpedover, over a plain of skulls and dead strewnaround, or semblance of life is all you see.. Rider comes closer and you see the horse isnot living but not dead, but someplace inbetween or parody of life it stands therewith rider, sitting rider with eyes deadand lost, lost to the now, and the past,or even future for each is just living. Living a life that is not living, he knowsthe pain of loss, not only life but of faith,alone he stands, but not alone, for he iscrawling with life but not life, small andnimble they are, they keep him alive evenwhen he no longer wishes to live. Dead many times, some he remembers some heforgets for the remembering is pain, to forget,the only cure, or solution, as much as he feelsanything any more for his humanity was gonelong ago, how long no one knows for he haslost the wish to keep time, just that this isthe now and he wishes to be dead to it, but cannot die, for they keep him alive if you cancall being more machine than man, living. Notobvious, but they are there. You look in his eyes, and all is dead, butreplaced by nothing for what is a man with outhope, dreams and desires, emotions and the willto live? You look around and all that seems normal is not,you realize with a start the trees, bushes andanimals all are dead, or some pale semblance oflife, for all are imperfect copies made for therider but he no longer cares, it is just there,they just exist and he cares not. No one else is here for all died ages ago, in something the man knows of but not telling but knowingis madness as it is for he was the one who broughtit about, in his pride, ignorance or just plainstupidity he let it go and all died from it, forall was consumed by it what it is is, all you needto see around to know but you can not see for youare not really here? or he is killing you eatingyour soul draining your life but he knows not is notconscious of it, for he no longer wants to know,blocked from his mind and memories is your passing,only that he keeps going not that he wants to keepgoing but he plods one foot in front of the other,or on the horse being he rides to the next victim,for he has died many times to be taken back toliving for they will not let his body die even ifhis soul died an age ago. Mike2005-----P-Morrigen Morrigen, avenge me, she screams,with last breath, save me from thisdemon made flesh. a mortal man,whose hate for me is most foul?What did I do to deserve this I askof him with no reply, for he has none..Save me and mine from the tormenthe brings to us, the lost child, the lost love,the dead who scream in agony.The living lost in death, for not knowing,are they dead, in torment, or what? Morrigen a women tall and dark, hairand visage, like a raven intent on pray,she stalks her prey, those far from innocentstalks, not a innocent one, but pray most foul.Morrigen like a goddess, a women dark of hairand visage. like a raven tall and strong, with eyesthat pierce the darkness.. To bring the unknownguilty to the light of truth, with mind and spirit.Knowledge and cunning, wisdom and persistence,to give the victims peace, their families hope,and those affected a sense of closure. Morrigen we cry to drive the demons away,not ones of spirit and nature biblical, but onesmost foul and mortal.. Mortal ones, who prey andhide, who slither in the darkness, who rise upand slaughter, hurt and maim, driving those whoprotect to madness.. Madness of frustration of egoscrossed and battered minds, so to Morgan we flyto find the guy, or who she is, what they knowand feel, to profile them and draw the shadesfrom the abyss of ignorance, and bring them tothe light, of truth, and justice, most swift.To burn them in holy light. by hells fire and drivethem from our mind and fears, to draw awaythe anger, and pain and agony of their victims,give them peace of knowing they can walkthe streets and by ways, to love again, to touchagain, to feel again, and breath deeply and feelnot danger at every step. And just feel safe Mike Adams2005(2006) For a buddy. Find who he or she is, and bring them to justice, please. Morrigen was three women, ravens.. Chooser of the slain, the worthy.. it is okay my dear warrior one of the three, chooser of the slain and warrior of blood. of the Morrrigan.-------P-Death and Dying Dying yes, dead not yetfor with out life,then you have deathor without hopethere is deathgiving up before themark of death arrivesto soon to give upto be given to the pileor corpses piled highbefore hells doorgiven up to the diseasecalled dying, or canceror some other maladythat saps our strengthsand pulls us downdown to the ground and inor to pyres high.glory, is just an excusefor dying better thanothers dead. Mike2005--------P-BreathTeeth hurtNose pluggeddrainingclogged throatasthma activeallergies strongLungs hurtclogged byfluids solidifyingEach breathan effortto just liveone more breathplease just onemore breath.Mike2006------P-Analyzed InsaneBeat me, whip me,tell me wrong,am I nuts?Insane crazy orjust weirdam I mutantor rebel heroor cripple,told I am nutsa mutant crazy andinsane and thiscorner I am in,analyzed into itby thoughtsare they rightor wrong,or just ... here. Here in this corner,back alongwalls together,locked here,with no way out,to go, backedinto a corner,with no door,door to show me out,where am I,how did I get hereto this corner,to the left is wall,the right is wall,to the top ceiling lowand sloping this,this point,and floor is dark, cold, like dead space,cold and soaking up thewarmth of me into it..Mike Adams2005------P-Cell:Cell dark but warmdoor locked and tightlocked in my roomnot by bars ironbut mental painand fear insecuremy room refugeor prison, self madeor forced by fearand anger of othersI am not sure.but here I sitbefore the lightand portal tothe worldlocked in its grasptight and unableto move or leaveso I am lockedin my cell.No way outor just no stepsto get there.Mike Adams199?-------P-Anger NumbI feel numb with no anger to sustain meto fill me and hold me tight to keep megoing to provide comfort and warmth when alone, no pain to remind me mortal I am toremind me that I live.. Now just numbfor the pain has past, or just hiddenbut the anger is gone and I am numband lost, music once held me, not itis dreary and boring, no effect justnumb, feeling nothing, but the emptyvoid that was my hate, anger and pain.So I am just numb.Mike2005-------P-What is a Man?What is a man a being of flesh and blood heart and sinewbut also of feelings some hard and painful some soft andpassionate some teasing like twilight some so real it is fearsomeWhat can be said of a man but of life and death happiness,and pain joys many, pains untold but in the middle is the answerto all for to much of one or the other leads to depression or insanity.Mike2001---------P-Negative A dark poola hole darkas midnighta lake of coldand darknessor just pity Why wallow in thepool of darknesscalled pitywhen the lightof happinesscalls youbut you justhave to findthe portalthe doorthe windowand the way My life hasbeen negative,seeing darknesswhen light. Seeing thingsfrom the darkside of things,expectingthings dark,and most of all,remembering onlythe negative things.. Mike2005/2006working on it-------P-OutcastOut cast orwalked out?Forced outor just neverpart?Human ormore or lesshow to ask orknow what.Walking alonedown the hiwayof life, singlenever partor never welcomeWho can say.For he is longgone and silentbut none noticefor they neverknow who he wasor even that heexisted or justanother wall flower.Left to rott in thesummer sun, ornever to thrive, foreverheld in darknessFuck them fortheir selfish ways.Christ pity themfor what they areis what they fearworse of all.Human!Mike Adams2006-------P-My Little One My little one, don't cryfor I am there with youif not in body, then in spirit.For you are never farfrom my thoughtsand my being,for when I broughtyou into the worldI knew it wasfor the long haul,and I havenever had reasons to regret that.So please don't cry,but think of mehere so far awaybut never far fromyou.Mike Adams1998-------(Not a happy poem, it was a survival poem to keep me going, since it takes permission to commit the act of seppeku, and no one knew, and I am out of the military)P-ShameA poemA deedPermissionA knifeA swordA friendsSwift cutHead rollsAnd shameEnds, honorRestored andWitnessedSeppekuMike Adams2011-------P-ShutdownShut downOverdrawnTo MuchForgivenUnforgivenNothing leftall is deademotionsmindheartsoulall is numbshut downMike2006------P-OutcastOut cast orwalked out?Forced outor just neverpart?Human ormore or lesshow to ask orknow what.Walking alonedown the hiwayof life, singlenever partor never welcomeWho can say.For he is longgone and silentbut none noticefor they neverknow who he wasor even that heexisted or justanother wall flower.Left to rott in thesummer sun, ornever thive, forheld in darknessFuck them fortheir selfish ways.Christ pity themfor what they areis what they fearworse of all.Just beingHuman!Mike Adams2006-------BUDDY AIDE!1-800-342-9647 or 1-866-966-1020 DCOE Outreach Center.1-800-273-8255 Veterans Administration Suicide Hotline, Non-DOD, they do not share info with your command/boss unless you ask them to, so call and talk! The life you save,... may be your own! Buddy Aide! Veterans Standdown 21 Aug Pioneer Park1-907-388-2553 FTWW Mental Health.. Detox 456-1053452-4357 Careline Crisis Intervention. /AA 456-7501http://www.militaryonesource.com/ US Military/families. PTSD and other mental health related problems.http://www.depressionisreal.org/depression-resources.htmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholics_Anonymous related programs for narcotics/other addictions, and emotional needs.www.guitars4vets.orgWELCOME HOME!-------Copyright 1998--------https://www.facebook.com/groups/1565808526984270