INDEX:1. Worms2. Wind Cleaning3. Ride the Wind4. Corruption5. All Numb6. I Choice Life7. Happiness8. Longing9. Lost Self10. Steps 1211. Linsee12. Five Percent13. Rights14. Chantal (for Shantal (adult))15. Shame16. Knightly17. Freedom18. Forgiveness19. Iron Woman20. Tabitha21. Your Name22. Happy Place23. Shoes and Roads24. Seas Bounty25. RavenMike Adams aka Abrigon/Alaric/Morgoth, Ghost Wheel and several others I have forgotten.WARNING: Some may be of an adult or brutal nature, so please don't read unless you are ready for it?-------1. P-Worms
ah worms, you crawl in and out,eat me slow and fast, heat mycarcass inside and out andanimate me now to say things dead..
Mike2005-------2. P-Wind Cleaning:
Oh the storm, it rages and rages.but the feel of freedom of flying,as it hits the body and mind,whirl winds of force, and energy,removing the dust and dirt from my mind,soul and past, until the rain comesand washing it all away, and greensprouts up and all is livingand loving, lush and happy..Storm strike me numb and speechless,and focused on the wind slicing throughmy body, or rising it up like a wing.and feeling it clean out the past,the pains, angers and hurts,or just the moment of the storm,the winds..Yes or dust out of your mind and past..Whirlwinds of dust devils cleaning outthe dusty streets of your mind..Until the rain comes and all is green,lush and living.. warm..Ah the warm winds, hit me hard and fastI want to fly and rise to the heavensand away from this mortal worldto lands unknown and wildto feel free and ride the windhair thrown back, winds whippingaround my body, fore force of theenergy on my body, electric.
Mike Adams2011----------3. P-Ride the Wind
To ride the storm,it flies in, filteringmy mind, rising me up andinto the sky to leaveall mortal things behindand ride the wind, to feelit lift me up, and thru mechanging me into a being ofair and light, and ride thewinds and feel all float awayand no long earth but nowair and fire.
Mike Adams2011-----------4.P-Corruption
CorruptionSmell, noLook. MaybeFeel, possibleHard to tellThings are corruptFamilyFriendsBuddiesOr justMoneyWho gets thingsFavors givenBribes paidOr extortedSelf interestOr picturesTaken deadlyOr paintedLazy workersThings doneOver and overNever finishedAnd shoddyNo movementSpecial favorsOr interestWork doneOver and overBut not completedContracts givenOver and overAlways low bidLike they knew.
Mike Adams2011-------5.P-All Numb
No eyes to seeNo ears to hearNo skin to feelAll senses numbAll senses deadNo distractionsNo pain feltAll tastes deadAll is dead and dullLeft aloneNo distractionsJust the empty spaceAlone and happy
Mike Adams2011---------6. P-I CHOOSE LIFE,
as I sit here in this chair,I choose to live, and faceall before me alive, andwalk in the light of happiness,joy and living people..To walk the sunshine pathand let the past go away andfall away.. and choose life!!
Mike Adams2011Thank you Flossie and your welcome Mom.Still writing the above poem, until I can write no more.-----7. P-Happiness
Happinesswhat is it?How can I knowam I happyor sad, I justdon't know.Success,failuresmile orfrownfear orno fearor just numbAlone orgroupSingular,many or what?Am I happy,or sad orjust numb.I just want tofeel, and knowhappinessto smileto have thingspeople andmemories tobe happy about.and just feelanything isjust a start.But nowwhat, andhow to goand be happyI like to knowPlease tell meshow mehelp meand notlet me gointo that darkplace aloneand lost,that hellnever again.
Mike Adams2011(still editing)-----8. P-Longing
The pain of loving onewho can not be yoursand she will never knowfor she is blind to yourlove and caring for herin ways she may neverunderstand or be able tosee, she screams for anice guy, who wants herfor more just her bodybut she keeps, chasing anddrinking, or just not seeingher love and desiresor so she says, are herenext to her and she will notsee and so it is the dichotomythe irony of things inlove is close by but alsofar away, never to be shared.Explored or even expressedfor we are all blind to itand those who love usuntil it comes up, oftenat the worst time, or toolate. But such is lifeor fate or just timing?How to tell, show themyour love, and pain fortheir pains and agonies.Why, he or she is notgood for you, but youstand by and hope,and pray they will behappy, if with youso much the better, buthappy with who or whatthey are with, be happynot sad or worse in grievouspain and agony, fromanother bad time..Seeing them crashonce again, wanting toreach over and holdthem close, and showyour love, affectionand respect and longingfor them, but in thisthe pain, to wish thempain free, ....Please oh pleasenot another assholeor bitch or abusiveboy friend or girlfriendplease stop, it hurts tosee you in such painbut you do it once againand my heart breakseach time, and I wantto just hold you closeand protect you fromthe darkness, and knowyour safe, loved, andprotected!! But such isfree will, its not alwaysfor the best for you,and one has to learnwhat is best for oneself,but friends and thosewho love them, can help,guide, share, or even screamwhat the hell, we love you,we beg you please stop hurtingyourself and us who love you.But so I sit here, watchingseeing, knowing and hoping.I would tell you of my love,or show it, or just reach overand give you a gentle touch,to let you know we care!And please do not hurtfor we hurt with you.Find better, we prayeven if not me, just behappier and safe.For we are you, and youare us, and we are of one flesh,soul and spirit, togetheras friends, forever!(Still writing..)
Mike Adams2011(still working on, its a long story and not sure how to express it fully)-----9. P-Lost Self
Who am Ior was II a knowI am lovedbut not surewhy for Ihave forgottenwho this personis beside me,they love meI know butwhy, I haveforgotten forit is justfiltered andgrey and memoriesthat seem distantand many lostin the abyss thatis now my pastshe sitsnext to meand shows me lovebut I feel somethingbut forget whywho and what it wasfor all is slowlysliding away andI feel hurtsad and toplease let me gofor I am gone andit hurts to seethe pain in your eyesand the fear I feelin where I amor was or goingor why you stillhold me closebut I have forgottenwho you are, or wasbut only know whatyou say you are, wife,mother, brother,husband and childrenbut are you surefor I know you not,but know I shouldknow you and I feelfor you and dimmemories of you orlost and dying slowlyThank you, I thinkbut for whatnot sure why butI feel the lovefor your staying onfor when I rememberI know you and am lucidbut its fading moreand more and damnI have pissedI think it is whatit is, or druelor just sorryI can not speakor even hold wordsin my mind forwhat.. lost itfocus gone..Night I knowlet me go, butyou refuse butwhy, who was Iwhat was I and ...
Mike Adams2011For Rayenette but for all who have lost a family member/friend,slowly thru the slide into dementia, and especially those who stayand take care of them, even if the end will likely be a slow/fastdecent into them not knowing who and why you are taking care of themand they the spirit that they was, dying, the body left behindbut a husk, with no life.-----10. P-Steps 12
Out of controlwhy am I here,jail? hospitalor drinking what evernext to me, what did I do,why the hand cuffs,have I hit bottom, or justsliding fast and no control.God or who or whatI need help, or I knowwhere I am goingfor I have seen itin friends, familyor just lost soulsdead to the worldzombies shufflingaround with onlythought, next drink,or hit or what ever.I once was clean, sober,had promise but ...No one wants me, theykick me out, call the copswill not me in a barI used to spend bankin, all cause now Ia bum, drunk, addict.Why does my love hate memy kids fear memy work has fired meor friends all deserted meor worse just as bad as Iand we all don't care.please I need help,can you help me man? Womenor what are you, all is I knowyou or what are here and showingme a way, to a better way.I need you buddy, or friendor just one who had doneas I have done, and is nowhappier and knows a wayto peace, happiness andno more selfish ways andself destruction.For I know if it doesnot change, I will be oneof the bodies that lay aroundme, cloud my thoughts andgive night mares of uncertaincauses but all is darkor better yet numb..So how can I lookin peoples eyes andhave some pride or justknow they don't hate meor do not respect meor respect me for theviolence I have shownor know I can do butwish not to..No more pain, anger,but I wish peace, joyto walk with happy peopleand see my kid, or familyand know they can trust me,I will not use or abuse themfor money, or thingsI can sell for the drugor I can look myself inthe mirror, and see pastthe face now destroyedby years of abuse andsee intelligence once againwhere once was numb or beastialeyes. Cooking is not chemistry.So off to work, making somemoney, but save it,eat somethinghave some health back.Make peace with self,others and the world, and learnhow to deal with things, tonot crash, fall down, numb selfup on booze, drugs or think lifeis a constant party or no oneknows, people know and see youin the gutter and fear you, ornot want you around for the smellor worse that you present.Invading their perfect worldand not seeing who you once wasbut now are just a drunk, an addictlost and homeless or serving life.Creed, color, faith all the samejust an addict, with no god but abottle or pipe, pills or needle.All the same. Next hit, or lover,or what am I doing this for?sores, puss, bruises, teeth gone,smell all can smell from feet awayas you do acts you once thoughtdisgusting cause it was means, nasty,sinful. or just will get you pregnantor be called whore and not just femalebut males.Why is mommy or daddy passed outin the hall way, Whose that man with daddy,what daddy or mommy doing for money,and on that corner with marks up hisor her arm, for what, where are they at,why am I with you, whats a social worker?Whose in Jail, why they not visiting me.Are you my daddy? Mommy? Why did myparents sell me to you?Make peace with all, be happy,know how to be happy, clean,sober and then if you canto help others at their measureand pace and means to if theywish to be happier, to be so.Slow down, its not a race to dieor see who can die first, orhow long until you liver gives outyour body slowly shrivels up anddie by suicide, even if slowlyfor what is substance abusebut slow death, self inflicted?Here, can I help you out,please forgive me, if possibletrust me once again, as I learnto trust myself, maybe even loveme, as I learn to love myselfagain. Can I have my kids back!PLEASE!
Mike Adams2011-----11. P-Linsee
To see your faceand smileyour eyes brightand greenand I felt joyI see you andwant you toknow your smileand feelsmell and tasteand touch everyday until thereis nothing leftbut worlds cinderand suns burned outand your smilere-lights themanew and all is well.
Mike Adams2011(not sure for who, it came and went like snow on a hot night)-----12. P-Five Percent:
A room, cave, dark and dreary.a chair rises up but not to the sky,but to cloths, or to a human,figure in dirty clothes, aliveor dead? hard to tell, all youcan see is the cloths, figure therenow and later, lost in dreams ordarkness boozed up and lostin a world long dead and lost.Abandoned by all but othersof like nature and a bartenderthirsting for their money butnot for their lives.A heap of what is flesh and bone.Of rags and cloths unwashed.A smell of urine and booze,and body unwashed for weeks.A being crumpled on stool,often for hours unendinguntil closing and thrown outto fend for self in a colddark world, hoping to findwarmth and comfort, butnot likely, for all are donewith them, for they arechronic in their nature,unwilling or unable to changehopeless drunks or playersof games of chance.Pull tabs fall below them onthe floor in a heap, asthe money they get, orhave falls into a bars till.A drink done many timesin front, and will therebe money for anotherand another, to might aswell have a straw into abottle with no bottom.For all hope is gone,brain is dead, liver wantsrelief and smells of it.Stench smelled from feet awayFace cragged and suffering fromdecades of neglect. Eyes deadto the world, mouthdrooling booze, and pukeChronic or just plain terminalOnce alive, but now just waiting to die.Slow and painful, all cast awayfor family is done with themfor they are selfish,or just lost. Lost to a worlduncaring or caring but unable tohelp, for its hard to lead themaway from the water of deaththey crave, and death style.In places named for holy,speed and northern, they rotslowly and end up homelessand forgotten and dead.Dead slow, or suicidal,all is the same, for itsself destruction all the same.Nights of sleeping withpersons just for booze.A place to stay, a life ofdegradation and prostitutionand abuse, molested and used.So in this, I say, who caresfor the five percent?Detox, and shelter?Police and ambulance?Family who throws them out?
Mike Adams2010sorry been working on a poem,about a person or what is left of a person,after years of living in a local bar..homeless, lost, and forgotten, nearly dead..well, sadly many go there and stay there..the hidden 5% or maybe the 5% many seebut not see past to the 95% who are soberand clean and happy?-----13. P-Rights
We the people, of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.I worship how I want, speak as I will and with who and how I share it.I arm as I wish. No soldiers at my place At least with out renting.I am not a crook, Drove it, and no doublesHelp, speed, quality. My peers know me best.I am not a rich man, or love pain. This is not all,more to be revealed. All else is mine or my state.
Mike Adams2009-----14. P-Chantal (For Kirby Shantal)
to draw you out,to know the sightnot only of your beauty,but your soul, to know youinside and out, to draw itall out, and know it all,tease and play, join withand share, bodies, minds,souls and to touch eachin turn, eye to eye, lips to lips,hands to hands, bodiesmoving in time together,hands running down bodieswarm and sweaty.. to strokehair, ears, neck and back,and run down hands tocheeks firm and split..
Mike2011-----(Not a happy poem, it was a survival poem to keep me going, since it takes permission to commit the act of seppeku, and no one knew, and I am out of the military)
15. P-Shame
A poemA deedPermissionA knifeA swordA friendsSwift cutHead rollsAnd shameEnds, honorRestored andWitnessedSeppeku
Mike Adams2011-----16. P-Knightly 2012
To love someone not for lustBut to wrap strong armsArmored shield to protectThem from the demons andDangers of an unhappyWorld and see the smileOn their face come backThe deep wounds healedAnd the trust returnAnd know love of anotherFriendship and peaceAnd know they are lovedProtected and safe, allGood and warm, in armsStrong but gently softFirm but open anytimeAs needed and wanted.
Mike Adams2012For many AndreaAnd others-----17. P-Freedom
A wordA sayingA timeA placeA ChoiceFreedoman obligationa MissionA hungerA thing tohold on tountil the endgiven up onlywhen all choicesare exhaustedFreedom is not free!
Mike2010?-----18.P-Forgiveness 2012
Oh to have itTo forget and move pastBe forgiven for sinsOf the pastAnd find peaceAcceptance andAbsolution, penance doneAnd finished,
Mike Adams2012(03/05/2012 for now, more laters)I have more in some note book but ...)-----19. P-Iron Woman
She is womenHair of goldFace like sugarEyes that flashSugar and sweet andAll that's nice.But also iron of formAnd will but softInside, and flexibleLike spring steelEye that flashWelded, or painful
Mike Adams2012(Not worth finishing it?)For Andrea, more coming.---------20. P-Tabitha
A tab in time,a love of a nightbut love alrighta moment of timetogether and lovedbut it endedbut will be foreverin my minds eyesA tab in time,a time of tabs.marked and knownMiss my Tabbut now ina folderwith a tab on topfiled away foreverand a day, andnow gone, archived.
Mike Adams2012------21. P-Your Name:
I loved you, and you loved mebut you caused no painanger or misery, no lossof trust, not doubtsand nothing dark or negativeand I have forgottenyou and your name.Denied myself the joysand peace and loveof your name andperson, who you wasand are and in thisis the tragedy, my shame,you deserved moreand i should have done moreto know your self, and nameBut I was selfish, wallowingin the negative and painfulthe anger and misery andforgive me for my waysFor what I lost was much.Absorbed by the darkpainful and negativedestructive and angry.But now, time to knowyour name and placeand who you are and morebut how to begin?With this I say!Hello, your name is?And go from there.And find a lightand peace in knowinghappier, sober andconstructive peopleand things and not thedark of the past, butthe fun of the future.And your NAME!
Mike Adams2012(working on, still working on remembering and how to remember peoples names.It sad how the intense negative emotions have over come all else and ...).-------------------22. P-Happy Place
In DarknessA Window openCross panedTo a place warmLighted byA gentle sunLight defusedTrees old and strongA path to fieldsFull of animalsHealthy and well fed.Secret placeOr refuge,Dumping ground.But from trashComes life, hopeAnd healing orJust paths.Its no box explodedBut place of growthunchecked or managed?That's another story.
Mike Adams2012More?------------------23.P-Shoes and Roads 2012
Some shoes and roadsI wish I never put onor walked down them,but I am here..Alone,with many I traveled withsome for a short time,some for a long time,and some I barely knew,but we all traveled together,some part of the road,some it was to short of road,a bad detour, a slippery roador ice covered and treacherous..But we walked in together,I wish just wish more where hereto see this mile postand not lost along the way at others.But then why do we walkthis road, or the roads we walk,and wear the shoes we wear?And why are they wornso thing and thread bares,cause it was a road, rough or smooth.I am here, and glad you are here as well!but are we ever truely alone, or just one travellingbut part of one band of brothers and sisters,so who has whose back?Next stop,I get the food and drinks,you pay for lodgingand this time ask for directionsPLEASE!In memory of all the lost along the road, and the shoes we all wear.
Mike Adams2012-------24.P-Seas Bounty:
Only those who down to the sea in ships,to make a living from the bounty of the oceanknow the cost and price paid for said bountyand toll she demands from said harvest and times..That thou she is peaceful now, as daddyor now mommy leave, brother or sister or familyand friends leave, that she may turn hard,cold and rough and those sent out may not returnever again and join the oceans depths and residein her cold deep bosom and not be seen again untilsome day the dead shall arise from the depths andthe ocean gives up her dead.Be they fishing, daily or weeks at a time.Crabbing or oil rig and more, the ocean is thereand demands a sacrifice, be it days to weeksaway from family and friends, cold and wet ormeaner tolls and cost. Wages good and muchcan be gotten in a short time, but longhours, with little sleep takes its toilon minds, bodies and souls and mistakes happen.A survival suit will last for only so long.
Mike Adams2012Did not know George or the crew of the Edmond Fitzgerald,but know the life of fishing and fishing towns.(been working on it for a while, Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgeraldand the fun of living in Alaska, used to live in SE Alaska).-----25. P-Raven
I met a RavenOn the way toTown. To see aSick friend.He said to meTo move fasterthan He, for hewas en route asWell to takeMy friendssoul Away, so bestBe fast, say yourGood byes nowOr never say itUntil I come forYou and itsYour last!I met a ravenOn the roadTo visit friendsHe said bestBe fastFor I am hereTo take his soulAway to a betterPlace.So move swiftfast, say good byeNow and foreverFor this will beHis last/it will be the last.
Mike2012For George and King SalmonStill writing.-----Copyright 1998 Mike AdamsMusic I like, especially ones I get into:Lightning Crash by LiveNever Again by NicklebackNow I Know by Nickleback45 by ShinedownDrive by IncubusMore as I come upon them.Gaming World and morehttps://sites.google.com/site/abrigon/gaming/abrigonhttps://sites.google.com/site/abrigon/gaming/cn-elf-timelinehttps://sites.google.com/site/abrigon/gaming/abrigon-world---oldhttps://sites.google.com/site/abrigon/gaming/abrigonhttps://sites.google.com/site/abrigon/gaming/abrigond20https://sites.google.com/site/abrigon/gaming/abrigon---completehttps://sites.google.com/site/abrigon/gaming/abrigon-banshee-coasthttps://sites.google.com/site/abrigon/gaming