You know, it has been a while since I have talked with myself like this. Many people say things about me that are not true. Many people do not like me, and some do not even know why. That does not matter.
There was a point when I thought I knew what I wanted. I had an idea of who I wanted to become. For the longest time, I enjoyed everything that was going on around me. I used to enjoy things, get excited often and was always trying to make people proud of me. A lot of things happened. I do not know what I like anymore, I do not know what to do at this point. I have begun to care less about certain things. I do not know how to feel about it.
There are nights when I usually just stare at the ceiling and think about all the mess-ups in my life. On those nights, I began to look back at how people would usually just come my way to get answers. That was their only excuse to talk to me. That happened throughout High School. It probably also happened to me in Middle School, but I was too little to understand. Over half of the people that talked to me in the first two years of high school do not speak to me anymore. Every single one of them just wanted to pass a class, and they saw me as a way to do so. It was just like that with people and me. But then there was somebody, yeah, there was somebody. They did not need me to be intelligent to talk to me. I did not know how to react when all they wanted was to talk, but, it was nice, they brought hope to me. I began to see more in myself, I nearly had everything, but then, oh, they decided to drift apart. The person who I thought saw the best of me slowly left. Many questions erupted in my head over and over again after that single day. I have memories, so many memories that I wish I could go back to. Today, I see many people going out, enjoying themselves, and then I see how most of the time I am just alone, angry at myself for my actions, sometimes wanting to scream and laugh at the same time about what’s going on in my head. Do not know what I need anymore.
I am thankful I have my family. They are the only ones that have been there with me, even if I do not talk to them about all of the struggles in my life, they are always trying to help me the best way they can. Now I am just waiting for my head to take me somewhere else, waiting for what my mind will project, maybe it’s a dream, or it could be a nightmare, I have to see. You’ll get better, right? Yeah, it will be alright, or I am wishing it will.
This is a sort of reflection about what has been going with me the past year or so. I just wanted to have a way to sort of say it and for it to not be stuck with me.