Death is a terrible thing.
An inevitability. An end. A loss.
Many live their whole lives fearing it.
I choose to embrace it.
Not an invitation, but a welcome guest,
Like an eagerly awaited visit from an old friend.
I’ve had a brush with death once before, earlier this year.
It was kind, gentle even.
I lie awake, sobbing in my bed, liquid fire falling across my face.
I had done nothing to myself, nothing had harmed me. It was merely thought and emotion.
I felt a presence upon the edge of my bed, and I sat up to meet it, my soul still pouring from my eyes, shimmering like broken glass in the light.
Before me was a tall, dark figure, a face like…well, it had none. Only ivory and darkness hid behind the black hood.
“I-I’ve…I've been expecting you,” I stuttered, “but not this early. Not this early.”
“Not for you, I’m afraid.” Death spoke.
A million thoughts raced through my head, fearing for who I may lose.
Death sat gently at the foot of my mattress on the floor. “It is not your time, nor is it for any that you love.”
A sigh of relief leaves my throat, cut short by Death’s sudden approach.
“But, it is time for change.”
“What? What change? Why?”
“I am an end, and in every end, there is a beginning. Death begets life, endings beget change.”
I stared blankly past Death, lost in horrid realization.
“Will…” I stopped to sit up and turn towards death. “Will it hurt?”
Death, with its eyeless gaze fixed upon me, speaks softly to me, as if it felt guilt or sadness, pity for my oncoming loss. It turns to look away.
“Yes. I fear that it will. You will experience sorrow, a pain that is unbearable. The horrors of change will burn and bend and break you. But it will temper you, as a blade in the forge, a phoenix rising from the ashes. You will be stronger for it. Change is a new beginning, and whether or not you accept it is what will define you.”
We sat together in silence for a time. Stuffed Gengar plushie in hand, I move over to Death.
“I’m ready.”
Gathering my warm, scarred body in a gentle embrace, Death lifted the fear, the pain, pulled the inhibitions from my being, even my name. As I lay in Death’s grip, liquid fire running down my face, it comforted me in silence. No longer Bailey, Sydney fell to slumber, anxiously and hopefully awaiting the morning.
Death is a terrible thing.
But when you embrace it, you will find comfort in your grief.
You will find pain and suffering, yes, but it will also show you the hope, the strength, and the love that waits for you on the other side.
“Endings beget change.”
Death told me that.
Don’t fear your endings, as you will experience many of them throughout your life.
Wait for them, and learn.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Now, initially, this piece was meant for a Dia de los Muertos project in my creative writing class, and so Death was a very big theme that is present. I was very focused on talking about how it felt realizing my identity was no longer my own, that it was something I was no longer comfortable with, and so I felt that this metaphorical death was the perfect way to portray that emotion. A big thing to take note of as far as theming goes is change, as this entire piece was a dramatization of a change that I needed to make in my life. For my process, I kind of just wrote what felt right when I first started, and after my initial draft I decided to come back to it and add more, rewrite certain parts to increase the tension or suspense. I used a lot of metaphor, as this story is essentially a metaphor for this tear filled realization I had about myself in the middle of the night a month or two back. I also used bookending a couple times, with the line “Death is a terrible thing” and the fact that the story part begins and ends with tears, just under different contexts. For the structure, I just used a simple narrative “beginning, middle, end” structure, with some narration at the start and end to give the reader an idea of how I felt about the situation looking back on it.
Sydney Girtman, formerly Bailey Girtman, is a senior student at Northbrook Senior High School. They identify as Nonbinary and use primarily They/Them pronouns. They enjoy writing, gaming, drawing and listening to music in their free time. They tend to struggle with confidence issues and anxiety, and writing is a way for them to overcome that, even if temporarily.