Oh, I can't wait

for these teenage years to end.

I just finished watching some stupid series

which has as a conclusion:

'high school years are the best years'

and if that's the case,

then my hopes of a bright future are all futile.

I feel like I'm falling apart,

every little fear of mine is eating me alive.

I feel like nobody gets how deep in the ocean I've already drowned.

All the drafts of my books are just garbage materials.

Too many scenes I left unfinished.

Too much senseless conflict.

My summer homework, it's still not done.

I can't bring myself to solve all those damn equations.

I used to love math,

I used to do it with a smile,

but lately even an asymptote feels like a greater puzzle.

Even reading has been quite a chore.

Those feel-good books about mystical quests and

friendship and

love have felt

like a joke at how depressed I am.

I only found comfort in classics that ended tragically.

Am I doing it wrong?

Have I missed the point of adolescence?

Usually I would conclude with some resolution

that all will be okay

but today my heart is pounding much too loud.

The writing, which would usually turn my grey sky back to blue,

only made this feeling worse.

Is this even poetry?

Or just some sentences

with lines

in between them to

break them apart?

I don't know.

I used to know everything, though.