1. Marketing
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich.Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi,I'm very rich.Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her aride, and then say,"By the way, I'm very rich.Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich.."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback !!!!!
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.
That's Demand and supply gap.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say, "I am very rich.Marry me!" she turns her face towards you ------------ she is your wife !
That's competition eating into your market share ...
2. The Five Secrets of a Perfect Relationship
i) It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
ii) It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
iii) It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
iv) It's important to have a woman who cares you always and whom u like to be with when u r alone
the last and most important one.................
.
.
v) It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.
3. U and I together
Whoever invented A,B,C,D,E,..............................Z did a great thing.
But he kept U and I very very far. But I still got a place where U and I are very close..... in fact together.......
Do you know where U and I can be together.........Scroll down..
....
It is on the keyboard....
4. New HR Policies
Transportation:
ｷ It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
ｷ If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
ｷ If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
ｷ If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Annual Leave:
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wooow!). They are called Sunday.
LUNCH BREAK:
ｷ Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
ｷ Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
ｷ Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
TOILET USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
ｷ There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open.
Internet Usage
All personal internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary. (note: Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection).
Just for the record. 73% of the staff will not be entitled to any salary for the next 3 months as their internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
5. Reality of Life
This is a story of four people called Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was some important work that had to be done, and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry because of this, since it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody understood that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended with Everybody blaming Somebody as Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
Oooops.............Got it?
If You Didn't, Read Again .....