It Is What It Is

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The wandering planet had been known about for at least a dozen millennia. Over time different species had tracked its progress but respectfully left it alone. This was mostly due to what happened to the Jachwan landing party some eight thousand cycles ago. It was during their history when they were the scourge of the galaxy. They were known far and wide for their ruthless and murderous ways. Many species prided themselves as being conquerors, but the Jachwans were only interested in annihilation. They took what they wanted and took no prisoners. 

This was before they were defeated in a brutal war against the combined forces of the Qualins and The Krogan Empire. Licking their wounds they agreed to a treaty that greatly favored the victors. As time past they found themselves becoming a peaceable society as they concentrated on the bettering of themselves instead of massing stockpiles of lethal weapons. Their peaceful efforts culminated with the adoption of their “Good Neighbor” policy which was inspired by the accidental contact with two creatures of the human species. The Jachwans came to consider the two humans wise and all-knowing. Using the two as ambassadors the Jachwans were able to forge peace treaties with hundreds of species and became well respected in the galaxy for their fairness and gentle ways. 

Despite their best efforts they were never able to establish a working relationship with the Krogans. Being sizeable creatures with menacing looks, the Krogans were only interested in conquering all that could be conquered. They took delight in occupying a planet, making the inhabitants their slaves, and amassing all the riches and resources for their Empire. The Jachwans had reached out to them but the Krogans considered the smaller creatures as being no better than rodents. They hated the sight of them, their smell, and were repulsed to the point of actually being afraid of them. 

As intimidating as the mighty Krogans were, even they kept a respectful distance from the wandering planet. Everyone was well aware of what happened to the Jachwans who ventured too close many centuries ago. After observing the planet from a safe distance, the ancient Jachwans decided they could send a scouting party to the surface to determine how to exploit the world’s resources. 

They were intrigued by the data coming from their long-range probes of the planet. Despite not revolving around a star the surface supported a variety of life. The environment was temperate with several huge oceans of water. Even at its farthest point from a star it was still bathed with light and did not suffer from the coldness of the empty cosmos. 

At times the planet would enter a star system with inhabited planets. It would approach these worlds but would not make any contact. When different species attempted to communicate their efforts were met with only silence. Eventually the wandering planet would exit the system and proceed on a course for the next star. It all appeared to be random acts until the day the Jachwans landed on the planet’s surface. 

The initial reports from the scouting party were positive. The atmosphere was rich with oxygen which was somewhat a deterrent to the methane breathing Jachwans. But they were used to such worlds and were well prepared to continue their exploration of the planet. One of their last communications was about the discovery of a strange race. They decided they would exterminate the three creatures they had captured to preserve the secrecy of their clandestine visit. As they proceeded to do so one of the soldiers accidentally left his communications opened and the results were broadcast to the Jachwan military headquarters. 

There were muted sounds as it appeared the soldiers were talking with their captives. Then there came the unmistakable sounds of blaster fire followed by the anguish screams of the Jachwan soldiers. One was heard to moan, “I am done!” A general at headquarters anxiously grabbed the mike and shouted, “What’s going on?!? What’s happening?” After a moment hesitation a reply came from the distant world. It did not come over the open communication link but formed in the mind of every Jachwan no matter where they were located in the universe. The message simply said, “It is what it is.” 

There was discussion among the Jachwan leaders as to what response should be given. Some argued for an immediate military strike. Others were not so sure. They were concerned that if the inhabitants were advanced enough to send a message in such a manner it would be better to find out more about them before committing an army that may fair no better than the scouting party. Not only was the apparent technology more advanced than anything they had seen, the message had been heard by every Jachwan. It had shaken many and left a feeling of dread and possible doom spreading quickly throughout the masses. Eventually it was decided to leave matters alone. Thereafter, the wandering planet was called Eechee, which is the Jachwan equivalent for “It is what it is.” 

Over time the events of the scouting party and the eerie message became ancient history as the Jachwans turned their interests to other matters. But now they were forced to give attention to Eechee as it was detected to be on a path to the Jachwan system. Astronomers estimated it would pass the home world within a cycle and come as close as their third moon. To reduce the possibility of widespread panic this information was kept from the public as the leaders decided on a course of action. Everyone was concerned as to what would happen if the inhabitants of Eechee recognized the Jachwans and remembered how easily they were destroyed. It was decided to take preemptive actions and hopefully avoid a war with an unknown enemy with unknown powers. 

On the planet Eechee a group of creatures were gathered around a fruit bearing tree when the spaceship swung into view. One turned his head upward to look as the ship circled in the blue sky above. His body was somewhat human-like with two arms and two legs. Each arm had a larger than normal hand with six fingers. Even though the hands were much bigger in proportion to the arms the fingers appeared to be quite nimble as they plucked fruit from the tree. The creature’s head was sitting on top of a long giraffe-like neck. His expressionless face was quite human with fine fuzzy hair on top of the rounded head. Each creature resembled the other in appearance except the color of hair differed from one to the other. On earth they could easily have been mistaken as twins, or as in this case, octuplets since there were eight of them. 

Only the one paid any attention as the craft hovered over a grassy spot and then gently settled down. As the engines droned to a stop he made a slight clicking sound and returned his attention to the fruit. The door to the ship opened and fell to the ground making a ramp for easy access. As the pilot stuck his head out the door and looked around the creatures continued to give their undivided attention to the fruit. After observing things for awhile the pilot slowly made his way down the ramp. He was followed by a man who headed straight toward the creatures. 

They approached the one who had watched their landing and smiled at him. The man standing beside the ship’s pilot cleared his throat and said, “Howdy ya’ll. My name’s Cledus and this here’s Roy.” 

The creature, without turning his body, swung his head around to look at the strangers.

“This is a mighty fine planet ya’ll got here,” continued Cledus as the creature simply stared at them. “Ain’t it Roy? Ain’t it a fine planet?”

“Yep, it ‘tis,” agreed Roy.

Cledus nervously cleared his throat and said, “We uns hope ya’ll don’t go and mind us dropping in here, all unannounced and all.”

The creature’s head moved in closer to the two men, slightly bobbing as it did so. Cledus looked at Roy and then back at the creature, “Ya uns don’t talk much, does ya? Roy, I don’t figure the big fella talks much.”

“Ya uns right, Cledus,” offered Roy.

Cledus continued, “Now, I for one can appreciate that. Some folks like to jest keep on yapping and they won’t stop. Jest between you and me, Roy’s like that sometimes. If’n he goes and gets started he uns will jest go on and on and on and won’t near stop. Jest when ya thinks he’s all done and all, he’ll start right back at it and go on and on and on. I’ll tell him, I’ll says, ‘Roy, there ain’t no need for you to go and carry on like that. It jest ain’t the natural thing to do.’ Sometimes he uns listens. Sometimes he won’t.” 

The creature suddenly jerked his head back away from the two. He made a clicking sound and continued to stare.

Cledus continued, “Well, like I uns was saying, my name’s Cledus and this here’s Roy. We uns from Earth. What’s yur name?”

Moving his head back closer the creature replied, “I am me.”

“Ya don’t have a name?” asked a surprised Roy.

The creature cocked his head to the side and repeated, “I am me.”

“Well, Mister Me is it all right with ya if we uns pay ya a little visit?” asked Cledus as he smiled at the head staring at him only inches away. “We uns won’t stay here too long if ya uns don’t want us to.”

The creature swung his head back to the fruit tree and said, “It is what it is.” 

“Yep, that’s exactly what we uns wanted to talk to ya about,” continued Cledus as he took a step closer. “Ya see, we uns came here from Jachywan to meet ya. The truth be told, that there is a Jachywan flying machine. They uns let us take it so we uns could come and see ya big fellas.”

“I get to drive,” offered Roy.

“And the truth be told,” continued Cledus. “The Jachywans asked us to come all the way here to meet ya. Ya knows the Jachywans don’t ya? They come here a long time ago. It was a long, long, long time ago. Ya remember? They uns little fellas and they uns smell real bad. Bless their hearts, they uns can’t help it. They uns have to breathe that methy-ane and it makes them stink. But they uns good folks. Here’s a picture of ‘em. Ya ever heerd of ‘em?” 

Without turning his attention from the fruit the creature replied, “They. Here.”

“Are ya saying they uns still here?” asked a surprised Cledus.

The creature simply said, “They are done.”

“Are ya saying ya uns seen them or jest heerd about ‘em?” asked Roy.

“I see,” replied the creature.

“Cledus, they uns was here thousands of years ago! How’s he seen ‘em?” asked a shocked Roy.

“Uh, yep, well we uns afeared they uns might’ve upset ya big fellas. We uns hope they won’t no bother,” inquired Cledus as he motioned for Roy to be quite.

The creature turned his head toward them and said again, “They are done.”

“That’s what we uns figured,” continued Cledus. “Them little fellas used to be real mean. I mean mean. Real nasty mean. But now they uns changed.”

“They met us,” interjected Roy.

“Now, Roy, let me do the talking here,” bristled Cledus. “As I was saying before Roy here tried to rudely interrupt me, the Jachywans have changed. They ain’t mean no more. They uns are like us. They uns good neighbors. They uns help folks out. They uns help save Roy here.”

“They uns gave me a new ticker,” offered Roy.

“So, ya sees they ain’t out to cause nobody no harm,” continued Cledus. “Now, I can see how they uns mighta done something to ya a long time ago. But that was a long time ago. It’s been a long, long, long time. Now, the little fellas have done gone and changed. They uns nice. They uns friendly. They uns help folks. It ain’t like it was a long, long, long time ago. They uns like everybody and they uns want everybody to like them. So, alls we uns asking, is when ya goes and meets them ya don’t go and do what ya did when ya seen ‘em the last time. There jest ain’t no need fer it. They uns changed. They uns nice. They uns ain’t mean no more. They uns jest want…”

He was interrupted when the creature said, “Talking. Stop.” Cledus’ mouth kept moving but no words were coming out. When he realized he could no longer talk he turned and tried to yell at Roy but no sound came out of his mouth. Roy quickly turned to the creature and begged, “Please Mister Me, don’t take Cledus’ words away. It’s all he’s got. He don’t mean it. He can’t help himself.” 

The creature made some more clicking sounds as Roy continued, “If ya give him his words back he’ll try to keep quiet.” Cledus nodded his head up and down in agreement. “He’ll try but he won’t,” Roy said. “I mean he’ll really try but he won’t. He can’t.” Cledus put his hands on his waist and looked at Roy with disgust. “Please, Mister Me,” asked Roy again. The other creatures stopped their examination of the fruit and lumbered over to join the first one. He moved his long head in close to Cledus and said, “You. Healed.”

“…Now what do ya mean to go and says something like that, Roy?” blurted out Cledus as his voice returned. “Here I’m uns doing my darnedest to get these big fellas to be nice to the little fellas and ya have to goes and says something like that. I try and try and try and try and ya uns go and says that in front of all these fellas.”

“I didn’t mean nothing, Cledus.”

“Did too.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“Did not.”

“Well, ya jest be that way, Mister Smarty Britches. I jest can’t take ya nowheres.” 

The creature’s head started bobbing up and down as he started clicking again and was soon joined by all the other creatures doing the same. Cledus looked at Roy and asked, “What ‘em big fellas doing?”

Roy watched the bobbling heads for a moment and then declared, “They uns laughing.”

Cledus said, “Laughing?!? They ain’t nothing funny.”

As the clicking grew louder one of the creatures snorted, “Funny.”

Roy looked at Cledus, “Yep, they uns laughing.”

Cledus pouted, “It ain’t funny.” Roy looked away and snickered. Before long both of them were laughing as loud as the creatures were clicking. 

After the laughter died down, all the creatures but the one turned back to the fruit on the trees. Cledus wiped his eyes and asked, “So, ya uns won’t mind if our Jachywan friends come for a visit?”

Me raised his head toward the spacecraft and said, “Ship.”

“That’s right, Mister Me,” agreed Cledus. “There’s two Jachywans in the ship. We uns fetch ‘em if’n it’s okay with ya.”

The creature made one click and then offered, “It is what it is.”

“Quick Roy, go fetch ‘em,” ordered Cledus. 

Soon Roy came back with the two Jachwans, Hamuu and Tamaa. They were followed by Roy’s son, Junior, who was carrying a bag of apples. Cledus introduced Tamaa as the Jachwan ambassador and Hamuu as his personal pilot. Then he said, “This uns Mister Me. I don’t knowed the other big fellas’ names.”

Roy pushed Junior to the front of the group and declared, “This is my youngin, Junior. I had him fetch you some apples.” 

At the sight of the fruit all the creatures started clicking and gathered around the boy. He handed them each an apple and offered, “They’re from our planet Earth. We grow them on trees.”

“We uns keep some bags on that there ship,” explained Cledus. “On these here long trips I get a little bit clogged up. They uns help keep me regular.” 

Tamaa cleared his throat and declared, “It is with great pride and personal pleasure that I bring you greetings from the Jachwan people. We are a peaceful species and we invite you to join us in the peaceful interchange of ideas and customs. It is our desire to be neighborly and we trust that is your wish also.” The creatures ignored him and kept clicking while examining the apples with their large hands. Tamaa and Hamuu kept glancing at each other in cautious anticipation of the creature’s response. Finally, Me looked up from the apple and lowered his head to look Tamaa directly in the face. He said “It is what it is” and then turned and joined the other creatures as they ambled back to the trees. 

Tamaa looked at everyone in his group and declared, “Well, I think that went quite well.”

Hamuu took a deep breath and said, “A lot better than I thought it would.”

Cledus slapped his knee and laughed, “Ah shoot, I uns told ya there was nothing to fret about.”

“But you were the one who didn’t want to come,” observed Hamuu.

“Ya uns scared,” declared Roy.

“Now, Roy, I ain’t scared. These big fellas are jest as nice as nice can be,” bristled Cledus.

“Ya uns was too scared,” Roy declared again.

“Now there ya go again, Roy,” stated Cledus. “Ya jest have to go and try to make fun of me right here in front of all these fellas…” He stopped short when Me raised his head and swung it around toward him. “I ain’t sayin’ nothing more, Mister Me,” he promised.

Me lowered his head and turned back to the fruit. Some of the other creatures started clicking.

“They uns laughing, ain’t they?” smirked Cledus.

“Yep, appears to be,” observed Roy. 

They were about to turn and head to the ship when Me looked at them again. “Junior” he said.

“Yes sir, Mister Me,” Junior replied.

He walked over to the boy and lowered his head, “Clone.”

“Well, no not exactly,” explained Tamaa. “Junior is Roy’s son. Roy procreated with his wife Sally Jo.”

Raising his head high into the air Me gave a short whistle. Out of the forest came a smaller creature that had the same hair color as the giant Me. He was only about a third of the size of the larger creatures. When he approached the group he put out his large hand and touched the side of Me.

“Well, howdy little fella,” smiled Cledus. “What’s ya name?”

The little creature looked up at Me and then back at Junior. “I am me,” he said.

“Well, how do ya like that, Roy?” laughed Cledus. “He uns Another Me.”

The giant creature gently patted Another Me on the head and said, “Clone.”

“So, he’s ya youngin,” declared Cledus. “He’s a mighty fine little fella.”

“Junior, maybe you could show Another Me our ship,” offered Tamaa. “I believe there’s another bag of apples you can share.”

“I will if that’s okay with you, Mister Me,” agreed Junior.

The giant bobbled his head and declared “It is what it is.” He turned and went back to the trees as Junior and Another Me headed for the ship. 

The two adolescents took an immediate like for each other. They were about the same height and both being the only child gave them much in common. After awhile they returned from the ship with the rest of the apples and Junior declared, “He asked me to stay here with him for a bit. Can I Pa?”

“Well, I uns figure it might be all right,” offered Roy. “If’n it’s okay with Mister Me and the other uns.”

“Now, Roy, do ya uns really think it wise?” asked Cledus. “We don’t know a heap about these big fellas. My little sister, Sally Jo, jest might not be too pleased to have her only youngin staying out here in the middle of nowhere.”

“I’ll be okay, Pa,” pleaded Junior. “Another Me said nothing would harm me.”

“We could pick him up on our way back from the Hadar system in a couple weeks,” offered Tamaa. “His friendship with the little Eecheeian could go a long way in establishing a friendly relationship between our people and his. Of course, the decision is yours, Roy.”

“I’m agin it,” declared Cledus. “I’m totally agin it.”

“Please Pa,” begged Junior.

“All right,” said Roy.

“Ya jest sayin’ that cuz I’m agin it,” pouted Cledus. “Ya jest never have thunk I knowed anything. I can be right as rain and ya still…” He stopped when Mister Me swung his head around to look at him. “Uh, I’m a shuttin’ up Mister Me. There ain’t no need fer ya to hush me again.”

Roy walked over to the creatures and asked, “Is it okay if’n my youngin stays here awhile with ya?”

Mister Me clicked once and then declared, “It is what it is.” 

Junior waved goodbye as the ship retracted its landing legs and climbed for outer space. Another Me held out his oversize hand and he and Junior strolled off as the Eecheeians continued their investigation of the apples the visitors had left behind. 

Unbeknownst to all a hundred light years away a threat against the Eecheeians was brewing. The Krogan General folded his arms as he reflected on what he was about to say to the King of the Krogan Empire. The feelers on his neck, resembling giant thick hair, moved back and forth as his mind searched for the right words to say. His massive frame, over seven feet tall, and large head was still bent in deep thought when the King’s image came flickering onto the teleprompter. Without thought he snapped to attention and bowed his head in obeisance to the King. 

“May your life be blessed with a thousand slaves,” he uttered in giving the customary Krogan greeting to a superior. The King responded with, “And may your life be blessed with a hundred slaves.”

“My Lord, I come before you with a plan that will bring riches and power to the Empire,” he declared with confidence.

“What is it you have in mind?” asked the King.

“I want to conquer the Wandering Planet,” the General asserted. “Reconnaissance has shown a wealth we have never seen anywhere else. It is ours for the taking.”

“Well, go take it,” declared the King. “Why bother me with such a minute matter?”

“I beg your indulgence,” continued the General. “Not much is known about the Eechee parasites. We know of the planet’s glorious riches but that is all.”

“That’s never stopped you before,” muttered the King. “You’ve conquered dozens of worlds without first knowing what scum inhabited them.”

“That is true, my Lord, but this is different,” explained the General.

“How so?”

“History shows the Jachwan rodents tried to conquer them and failed,” continued the General. “There has never been a full explanation as to what happened to their scouting party. It could have been as simple as carelessness on the part of those stupid Jachwan rats. Or, it could be they came against a formidable enemy. So, there are too many unknowns for us to proceed as normal. I want a show of force.”

“What are you looking at?” asked the King as his interest increased.

“I want all the main divisions to join my force,” he declared. “No doubt they will not be needed but such a show will cause any resistance to crumble.”

“You’re talking about almost the entire military force,” pondered the King. “I’m not sure I’m willing to commit that much man power.”

“I know it is asking much but there is much to be gained,” offered the General. “Even from here I receive reports as to how Krogans on our home world are growing restless. They want new slaves and new riches.”

“Their restlessness is only due to your failure on Alpha Centauri,” smirked the King. “And if they knew of your blotched effort to conquer the human slime they would be rioting in the streets demanding your head on a pole.”

 “I was not a failure with the Centauri maggots,” bristled the General. “We conquered and exploited them to the glory of the Empire. Abandoning the maggots was a tactical maneuver. As far as the human slime, it was those meddling Jachwan rats that foiled my efforts. That is why this time I want an overpowering force to compensate for any error in our plans.”

“I will grant your request on one condition,” declared the King. “You will command the landing force but I will be in orbit around the planet to oversee all operations. I will trust our entire military to only one person, and that is me.”

“As you wish, my Lord.”

“And I’m going to bring an AXX-27 with me,” continued the King.

“A Planet Buster?” asked the surprised General. “I thought we had signed a galactic treaty agreeing to disarm such weapons.”

“I did sign the treaty,” mused the King. “But I’m not foolish enough to abide by it. If things go as well as you say then we will not need it. But if you’re wrong then I’ll destroy the planet and all evidence that we were there.”

“Yes, my Lord.”

“And if things go wrong you’d better hope you perish in battle,” declared the King. “If you don’t then I will personally deliver your severed head to the Krogan people.”

“I will not fail you or the people, my Lord.” 

The Krogan General smiled to himself as he disconnected the transmission from the royal palace. He slowly licked his lips in anticipation of the coming battle. Twisting his head he stretched and cracked the massive muscles in his neck. Soon the entire universe would once again respect and fear the mighty Krogans. And his fame as the conquering general would put him on the fast track to become the next King of the Krogan Empire. With a hearty laugh he bellowed for his lieutenants to join him to make final plans for battle. 

After two weeks had passed on the planet Eechee, Junior and Another Me gazed into the sky as the Jachwan ship zoomed by overhead. It swerved to the left, took a steep dive, banked back to the right, climbed almost vertical, and then dove straight for the ground. When it looked as if it was going to crash the ship straightened and gently settled onto the outstretched landing legs.

“It looks like my pa was driving again,” reflected Junior. Another Me clicked with delight as the ship’s door swung open and Cledus came running down the ramp. He fell to his knees, bent down and kissed the ground before rolling over on his back.

“I figured we uns was done dad fer sure that time,” he muttered to himself as Roy, Tamaa, and Hamuu came strolling down the ramp.

“Pa!”

“Howdy, Junior,” laughed Roy as he embraced his son. “Did ya have a good visit?”

“I sure did,” declared Junior. “I’ve learned so much. The Eecheeians are some of the best and kindest people I’ve ever met. Another Me is my best buddy.”

“Jest like me and Cledus,” declared Roy.

“So, please tell us what you have learned,” inquired Tamaa as Hamuu helped Cledus to his feet.

“Well, first of all, they’re an ancient species,” offered Junior. “They’re very old. Most of them are tens of thousands of years old. Some are hundreds of thousands, and there may be one or two, who are a million years old.”

“Are they immortal?” asked Hamuu.

“No, I don’t think so,” continued Junior. “At least, they don’t think so. They know they can die but no one has for thousands and thousands of years. Another Me is the baby of the family and he’s five hundred years old.”

“He uns looks like a kid,” mused Roy.

“I know Pa, and to the rest of them he is,” agreed Junior.

“The things they’ve seen and been able to do is probably mind staggering,” pondered Tamaa. “It will be an honor to work with such a species.”

“They don’t ever get in a hurry. They don’t have to,” declared Junior. “They can take all the time they want to study things.”

“That is very interesting,” offered Tamaa. “They have the time to study details of something that we who have shorter lives do not.”

“That’s right, Tamaa,” continued Junior. “They’ve been studying those trees and fruit for a little over a hundred years now. It’s no telling how much longer they’ll keep at it. One time they took four hundred years to study a rock. And they’ve planted the seeds from the apples we brought them. They said that was the best gift they had ever received. They’ll probably spend another hundred years studying the apple trees when they grow. This is Another Me’s family. They’re eight of them. He told me there were thousands of such families spread all over their planet.”

“To be that ancient they surely must have developed some amazing skills,” chimed in Hamuu.

“They sure have,” agreed Junior. “They not only know what each other is thinking but what emotions each one has.”

“So, they’re telepathic,” pondered Tamaa.

“Yes, they are, but they’re so much more,” revealed Junior. “They know each other so well they can tell by the slightest movement or the lightest touch what the other is feeling. It is the most advance means of communication I’ve ever seen. They can speak but they don’t need to. They can read thoughts and plant thoughts in others but they don’t even need to that. They are so familiar with each other they have no need for names and can immediately know what the other one wants or needs.”

“Well, then what’s with ‘em big fellas clicking all the time?” asked Cledus.

“They’re laughing,” declared Junior. “That’s one sound they say they enjoy making.”

“They uns was clicking at ya, Cledus,” smiled Roy.

“They think you’re funny, Uncle Cledus,” revealed Junior.

“I didn’t see nothin’ funny about them stoppin’ my mouth up,” bristled Cledus.

“I uns did,” laughed Roy.

“Oh, they have a great sense of humor. They love to laugh,” continued Junior. “One time they took about two hundred and forty years to think of jokes to tell each other. They said they clicked so much they started hurting and had to stop. Another Me placed a bunch of them in my head. It didn’t take him but a half of a second to tell me hundreds of jokes. He had to stop cause my head felt like it was going to explode. I can’t wait to tell you some of them.”

“So, were you able to learn what it means when they say ‘It is what it is’?” asked Tamaa.

“That is their philosophy of life,” replied Junior. “I’m not sure I fully understand the meaning, but basically, they believe that what is going to happen will happen. They don’t feel a need to interfere since all things come to pass over time. They have lived so long and seen so much they are not easily upset or bothered by what happens in the short term. If left alone they are only interested in studying things until they are satisfied they’ve learned everything they can. Then they move on to study something else. The only time they have become violent was when forced to do so.”

“Like when our scouting party tried to kill three of them,” reflected Hamuu.

“That’s right,” agreed Junior. “They regretted doing so but felt in the long run it was meant to happen as it happened. Or, as they say ‘It is what it is.’”

“And this planet? Have you learned what controls it?” asked Tamaa.

“They do,” replied Junior. “I don’t know how but they make it move from one system to another. It gives them the opportunity to study things from all over the universe. They take care of all the life here and keep the sky lit without the aid of any star’s light. One time they decided to study sleep. They slept for almost a thousand years until one of them started snoring. It woke everybody up and they decided sleeping was a waste of time. So, they’ve been awake ever since.”

“They are an amazing species,” reflected Hamuu. “So knowledgeable and powerful and yet so gentle.”

“I suppose if you live long enough you are no longer bothered by the mundane and ordinary things,” offered Tamaa. “There is no need to become upset or angry over something that really has no lasting consequences. I wish we all could learn such wisdom. Junior, do you think they would agree to a treaty between us and them and a sharing of knowledge and resources?”

“I really don’t think they will see a need to do so,” offered Junior. “They’re very open and if someone wants to visit they have no objections. They’re going to keep on doing what they’re doing. If you want to talk to them then they will talk. If you ask them for something they’re more than willing to share. If you leave them alone then they’ll go back to studying whatever they’re studying. They won’t see a need to agree to a treaty because they already by nature agree to the principles that such a treaty would have.”

“Well, this is amazing,” declared Tamaa. “We can only hope that one day we reach that level of trust and understanding.” 

Their conversation was interrupted as out from the forest rushed a horde of Krogan soldiers. They trained their weapons on the landing party and the Eecheeians who ignored them while continuing to study the trees and their fruit.

The Krogan General strolled boldly to the front of the line and glowered down at the earthlings and Jachwans as the entire landscape, in fact, the entire planet filled with Krogan soldiers. Roy muttered “Ut-oh.” The General bellowed a hearty laugh and then declared, “Well, look what we have here. A bunch of human slime and two Jachwan rats. A little extra for our work today, men.” 

The soldiers laughed as the General pulled his saber from its sheath and pointed it at Tamaa. “On your knees you bunch of smelly maggots. You are now slaves of the Krogan Empire. Don’t even think of being anything else.” 

The earthlings and Jachwans went to their knees in submission. Tamaa bowed his head and then said, “I am a representative of the Jachwan Federation. We have a treaty with the Krogan Empire and immunity to being treated as slaves.”

The General looked around at his soldiers and then blurted out, “Did you hear something? I thought I heard something talking. But that can’t be cause all we have here is slime and rodents. Rodents can’t talk and neither can slime. I must be imagining things.”

“Sir, I state again as a representative of the Jachwan Federation…”

The Krogan General slapped Tamaa across the face knocking him to the ground. “Shut your mouth you stinking rat! You say another word and I’ll blast a hole in you the size of my fist. I don’t care what treaty you think there is. You are slaves of the Krogan Empire! There is nothing else for you to be.” 

Mister Me turned his head toward the Krogans when the General slapped Tamaa. He came lumbering over and lowered his head to look at the Krogan.

“Well, what do we have here?” bellowed the General. “What is this? One of those Jachwan game animals you rodents play with?”

“He is an Eecheeian,” offered Hamuu. “This is their planet.”

“Not anymore,” declared the General. “They are now part of the Krogan Empire. We have taken over.” The soldiers gave out a shout of victory as the General continued, “Are you the leader over this miserable planet?”

“I am me,” replied Mister Me.

“Well, whoever you are, I want you to gather all your low life filthy inhabitants together so I can welcome you to the Krogan Empire. You are now and forever will be slaves of the Empire. You are to do as you are told and ask no questions. At this moment my armies are landing all over this despicable planet. There is no escape.”

Mister Me cocked his head to the side and said, “It is what it is.”

“Well, that’s what it is you stupid moron,” shouted the General. “Now do as I say and I just may spare your miserable life.”

Mister Me raised his head and started clicking. The rest of his fellow creatures joined in as the sound became louder and louder.

“What is all this clicking?” bellowed the General.

“They’re laughing. They think you’re funny,” explained Tamaa. A nearby soldier pulled his saber. The Eecheeians stopped clicking. The soldier rushed toward Tamaa and shouted, “The General said you will die rodent!” He swung the sword at Tamaa’s neck but Mister Me said, “You. Stop.” The soldier froze in mid-swing and could no longer move with the sword only inches from Tamaa.

“What is this?” yelled the General. He swung his sword and cut through Mister Me’s neck severing his head from his body. The head hit the ground with a thump. His body bent over and picked the head up with his large hands. It gently placed the head back on the neck and he said, “I am healed.” The head sealed itself back to the neck with the cut disappearing as if it had never been severed. 

“Is this some sort of trick?!? Fire all weapons!!” the General shouted. The soldiers raised their rifles and unleashed a hail of fiery plasma balls of destruction aimed at the Eecheeians. Mister Me declared, “Weapons. Stop.” With that simple command the fiery balls stopped and remain suspended in midair. The other Eecheeian creatures including Another Me lumbered over to join Mister Me. With one accord they all said, “Weapons. Dust.” The balls of fire turned to dust and fell harmlessly to the ground. All the Krogan rifles over the whole planet melted and turned to dust. 

The shocked General raised his saber and shouted “Kill them all!!” All the soldiers drew their swords and rushed the Eecheeians who simply and calmly commanded “You are done.” Starting with the General all the soldiers stopped and grabbed their necks as they struggled to breathe. One by one they fell to the ground and stopped moving. Within seconds dead Krogan soldiers were strewn out over the whole planet. Mister Me and his fellow creatures simply turned and made their way back to the trees and fruit. 

Roy, Junior, Cledus, and the Jachwans were still on their knees when the last soldier fell dead. Cledus looked at Roy with his eyes wide open with surprise and said, “I uns don’t know what to say.”

Roy laughed and offered, “I uns never knowed I’d heerd you say that.”

Junior cleared his throat and said, “I think we can get up now.” 

“What did we just see here?” asked a stunned Hamuu.

“That is a power beyond belief,” offered Tamaa. “I must thank Mister Me for saving my life.”

“Whew!” declared Cledus. “Them dad Krogans are gonna start stinking fer sure. I uns can put up with ya Jachywans but them there Krogans are something else.” 

Mister Me lumbered over and bent his head down toward the dead Krogan general as Tamaa thanked him for coming to his rescue. He looked at Tamaa and said “It is what it is.” Turning his attention to the Krogans he declared “You are dust.” Every Krogan and Krogan ship melted and turned into a pile of dirt. A breeze stirred and blew the dust away leaving the planet looking as if it had never been disturbed. 

Moments before the Krogan King watched in horror from his royal ship in orbit around the planet as his military might was reduced to nothing. He was left with only a small army protecting the Krogan home world. Everyone else had been destroyed. Realizing what this meant to the Krogans and to his kingship he decided to do the only thing he could do. If this was going to be the end then he was determined to go out with a blast and heap revenge on the planet and creatures that brought him to ruin. He pressed the firing button to release the AXX-27. The Planet Buster bomb whirred to life and adjusted its settings for the planet below. Its propulsion thrusters fired and it sped toward the destined target. Seconds later the royal ship melted and it and everything aboard it turned to dust. 

Cledus wiped the sweat from his brow as he turned to Roy, “Them big fellas don’t play around.”

Roy agreed, “Yep, they uns can get nasty.”

“That was the most impressive display of kinetic energy I’ve ever witnessed,” reflected Hamuu.

“And yet, when we think about it, this should come as no surprise,” offered Tamaa. “If they have the ability to control this planet and everything on it, then what they just did is of no consequences to them.”

“No wonder they can have the ‘It is what it is’ attitude,” interjected Hamuu. “With power of such magnitude there is nothing to fear. They can easily let events transpire in their normal progression and only intervene when absolutely necessary.”

“Uh, what’s the little Jachywan pilot saying, Junior?” asked a perplexed Cledus.

“He’s just saying the Eecheeians got a pretty big wallop,” explained Junior.

“They uns fer sure do,” agreed Cledus. 

Mister Me suddenly raised his head and extended his neck as far as he could. He gave the simple command, “Bomb. Stop.” The earthlings and Jachwans looked up to see the Krogan bomb suspended in the air twenty feet above their heads. They could hear its motors still whirring as its programming tried to find its target.

“Look at that!” exclaimed Tamaa. “It’s an AXX-27!”

“What’s that?” asked Cledus.

“It’s a planet buster,” declared Junior.

“I thought the Krogans had agreed to suspend all use of such weapons,” reflected Hamuu.

“They did but it’s apparent they decided if they did not succeed they would leave no trace of their ever being here,” offered Tamaa. “Mister Me, if that bomb touches anything solid it will explode.”

“If it does it will cause a chain reaction that will tear this planet apart,” declared Hamuu. “The only thing left will be chunks of rock floating in space.” 

Mister Me studied the bomb for a few minutes and then commanded, “Bomb. Home.” Inside the AXX-27 the target settings immediately changed to the Krogan home world. With a jerking motion it turned and climbed heavenward in search of its new destination. As it disappeared from sight Roy exclaimed, “Whew! That was purt near close.” 

Tamaa approached Mister Me and said, “Excuse me, sir.” The Eecheeian lowered his head to look the Jachwan directly in the face. “I can appreciate what you are doing, but I believe it is the wrong thing to do. When that bomb reaches the Krogan planet it will destroy it and everyone living there. You have already dealt a devastating and mighty blow to their military forces. They will never be the feared Empire they once were. But that bomb will kill innocent lives including women and children. That my dear friend is not the neighborly thing to do.” 

Mister Me cocked his head to the side and said, “Bomb. Dust.” Light years away and only an hour from the Krogan planet, the AXX-27 melted and turned to dust. Tamaa touched Mister Me’s hand and offered, “Thank you. Your spirit is good.” The creature wrapped his enormous hand around Tamaa’s, gently shook it, and said “It is what it is.” 

“Whew! That’s a bunch of excitement,” exclaimed Roy.

“Roy’s right,” agreed Cledus. “If ya uns little fellas want us to keep on going around with ya, then ya gonna have to tone it down a bit. I can’t stands a whole bunch of this.”

Tamaa and Hamuu started laughing as Mister Me started clicking. Another Me touched Junior’s arm as he asked Roy, “Pa, can Another Me come back and stay with us awhile? He won’t be a bother and there’s so much more I can learn from him and he’ll get a chance to learn about us.”

“I reckon it’ll be no problem,” Roy replied. “If’n its okay with the Jachywans.”

“We would be delighted to have such a distinguished guest,” declared Tamaa. “Do we have your permission Mister Me?” The creature bobbled his head back and forth and said, “It is what it is.” 

Roy, Junior, Another Me, and the Jachwans boarded the ship in preparation for their departure. Mister Me lowered his head to look Cledus directly in the face and said, “Cledus.” Cledus looked surprised and replied, “Yes, Mister Me?”

The creature held out his hand. Cledus took the enormous hand and shook it. A smile spread across Mister Me’s face as he declared, “Cledus. Good.” Cledus smiled and said, “Thank ya, Mister Me. That’s mighty neighborly of ya.” He turned to leave, stopped and turned back. The creature raised an eyebrow in anticipation. Cledus simply smiled and offered, “It ‘tis what it ‘tis.” 

After waving goodbye he ran up the ship’s ramp as it started to close. Mister Me lumbered back toward his companions at the trees as Cledus could be heard saying, “Now, Roy, we uns got us a guest in here. Thar ain’t no need fer ya to go all zippin’ around here and yonder. Ya jest gonna have to slow it down…” His words were drowned out by the roar of the engines as the ship took flight. Mister Me glanced at the disappearing ship and started clicking. The rest of the Eecheeians joined in his clicking before joyfully turning their attention back to the trees and fruit.  

THE END

Copyright ©2010 by Jerry W. Crews