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Back to Bulge (or Pressed to Make a Point)
ACT I
Ah, there was a time when life at Amalgamated Malaise Corporation was normal, that is, as normal as any Call Center could be. Someone has described them as the sweat shops of the 21st century and there appears to be some truth to it with the low pay, micromanaged, rotating work schedules, little-to-no benefits type of work with the handling of irritated-to-abusive customers demanding satisfaction and who don’t hesitate to say whatever they want to someone who is miles away and out of sight. The center was a hodgepodge of people as the workers came in all shapes and sizes, colors, flavors, beliefs, attitudes, and orientations. They all had the same basic needs and desires. Most of them worked hard and had their eyes on leaving as soon as they could to make a better way of life somewhere else.
Yes, life was normal until Heidi Warren decided to shake things up. She was a petite young lady, in every way, with golden hair and blue eyes and as shy as they come. Even after working at the center for almost two years, she wasn’t well known. She did her job but that was about it. Except for a couple lady friends, she kept to herself. Her introverted personality dictated she be that way. That is why so many were taken by surprise by what she did and the boldness she did it with.
Heidi had a secret. She had a crush on a fellow worker by the name of Willie Rice. He was two inches taller than her, with brown hair and brown eyes. They both had worked the same shift for the last four months, but were on different teams. He hadn’t shown any interest in her, in fact, he hadn’t shown much interest in anyone as he was almost as shy as Heidi. Every once in a while they would greet each other when passing, but only if there was no other option. When they did speak, Heidi knew her face would turn beet red from embarrassment. She’d never had anyone affect her the way he did.
She was in the lunchroom on the day she decided to take decisive action. Willie sat four tables away and was absorbed in reading a magazine while eating his sandwich. Heidi tried to avoid glancing at him but found herself doing so between bites as she vainly tried to concentrate on her salad. It was no use. She was totally smitten, and he was oblivious to it. It wasn’t long before she drifted off to that fantasy land where all romantics go.
—Anything More
Heidi
♫ I wish he’d look my way,
A glance would make my day,
I’ll never ask for anything more.
Just a simple coup d’oeil,
Telling me it’s okay,
Then I’ll not ask for anything more.
Anything more I couldn’t ask for.
Seeing him makes my spirit want to soar.
Am I way out of line?
Am I out of my mind?
Am I wasting my time?
To hope for anything more.
A smile would bring me chills,
A touch would break my will,
I couldn’t ask for anything more.
Maybe a simple kiss,
But then I’d be remiss,
To dare to ask for anything more.
Anything more I couldn’t ask for.
Seeing him makes my spirit want to soar.
Am I way out of line?
Am I out of my mind?
Am I wasting my time?
To hope for anything more. ♫
Willie buried his attention into the article laying in front of him. He had no interest in the subject matter, the dynamics of barometric pressure, but it kept him from staring at his real interest, Heidi Warren. He wished he possessed the boldness of other guys who found it easy to approach women and strike up a conversation. It just wasn’t in his nature. So, he did his best to avoid any eye contact. It was hard to do as he desperately wanted to speak to her and find out if there could ever by anything romantic between them. He knew she was as shy as him, so he resigned himself to being a distant secret admirer.
—Anything More (Reprise)
Willie
♫ If I wasn’t so shy,
Then I might give a try,
I couldn’t ask for anything more.
If she would give a sign,
That it would be all fine,
Then I’ll not ask for anything more.
Anything more I couldn’t ask for.
Seeing her makes my spirit want to soar.
Am I way out of line?
Am I out of my mind?
Am I wasting my time?
To hope for anything more.
I’ll never be that way,
Where my heart has to say,
Is there a chance for anything more?
My heart will betray me,
It’s trying to sway me,
But I’ll not ask for anything more. ♫
Heidi & Willie
♫ Anything more I couldn’t ask for.
Seeing (Willie-her, Heidi-him) makes my spirit want to soar.
Am I way out of line?
Am I out of my mind?
Am I wasting my time?
To hope for anything more.
Yes, am I out of line?
Am I out of my mind?
Am I wasting my time?
To hope for anything more.
Anything more,
Anything more,
Anything more—. ♫
Nina Canestro was the opposite of Heidi. She was vivacious, outgoing, opinionated, and always willing to speak her mind, often without a thought to the consequences. Everyone knew she was a flirt, and she was known to quickly fall in love and just as quickly fall out. She was Heidi’s best friend. Heidi saw in her many of the traits she wished she had but knew she could never be like Nina. But she found some romantic satisfaction listening to Nina’s tales of conquest and of being occasionally conquered. It always made her smile to watch Nina switch from a man-lover to a man-hater, sometimes on a daily basis. Heidi lived romance through her good friend, Nina, as she was too afraid to chance her own.
Nina bounded into the lunchroom as she always did, as if she owned the place and demanding everyone take note of her. She was not easy to overlook with her black wavy hair, piercing black eyes, and a body that was bountiful in all the right places. Some of the guys called out to her as she passed by, and she didn’t hesitate to respond in her noticeable flirtatious way.
She heated her lunch in the microwave and then took a seat at the table Heidi had just vacated. Heidi had timed throwing her paper plate in the trash can to coincide with Willie tossing his. Nina watched with a bemused smile as the two crossed paths at the trash bin. It was almost comical how the two tried to sidestep each other and at the same time pause long enough to gaze at one another in the hope the other one would break the ice. Neither one could muster the nerve.
“Please, after you,” Willie offered.
“Thank you,” was all Heidi could reply.
Nina simply shook her head when Heidi returned to the table and slumped to her seat as Willie headed back to work. It was quite apparent her heart was still aflutter from the close encounter with the man of her dreams.
“Girl, you’re a lost cause,” Nina said with sadness in her voice.
Heidi still feeling the effects of being close to Willie, breathed deeply and dreamily asked, “What are you talking about?”
“Why don’t you just come out and talk to the guy?” she asked. “You know you want to.”
“Oh, I could never do that!” Heidi protested.
“It’s not that hard,” Nina declared as she rolled her eyes.
“That’s easy for you to say,” Heidi meekly whispered as she dropped her head and stared at the table.
Not wanting to hurt her friend’s feelings, Nina quickly offered, “I’m sorry, I know how you are. It’s just I want what’s best for you and I think you two would make a cute couple. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
“Well, yes, I guess,” Heidi replied. “I mean I don’t want to rush into anything, but it would be nice to have someone.”
“Yeah, it is good sometimes,” Nina agreed. “That is until they wear their welcome out.”
Heidi smiled and offered, “I could never be like you, Nina.”
“You don’t have to be,” Nina asserted. “All you need is a little confidence.”
“I don’t know,” Heidi said. “How can I get something I don’t have?”
Nina thought about it for a moment and then blurted, “You need a mentor!”
“A mentor?”
“Yes, someone like me to show you the ropes,” Nina continued. “I’ll show you some tricks and before long you’ll have old Willie boy wrapped around your little finger.”
“Oh, no, I don’t want to do that,” Heidi protested. “I like you, but I don’t want to be you.”
“Well, then I’ll teach you some things and then you can decide what you want to use and ignore the rest,” Nina countered. “You’ll thank me when you’re all cuddled up with Willie boy!”
“Oh, Nina, you’re making me blush,” Heidi said.
“Now, let’s think about what we can do with you,” Nina pondered as she looked closely at her friend.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Heidi declared. “Willie’s shy just like me. We’re just two peas in a pod.”
“That’s it!!” Nina almost yelled. “You’ve got to get bigger peas!”
“What?!?”
“Look at you,” Nina explained. “You’re cute, but that’s it. There’s nothing about you that really stands out, that would draw attention.”
“So?”
“So, what is it that all guys look at when they first meet a woman?” Nina continued.
“Her eyes?”
“Oh, give me a break,” Nina cried as she rolled her eyes. “No, they are drawn to her chest! They’re gonna check out her boobs. They can’t help it. It’s the maternal thing, you know.”
“I’ve never paid any attention to that,” Heidi alleged.
“Well, see that’s your problem,” Nina expounded. “Men are gonna look, it may just be a glance when they think no one’s watching, but they’re gonna look, and the bigger the object, the more they wanna look.”
“I don’t know…”
“You’re telling me you haven’t seen this?” Nina wondered. “Of course, I don’t want to be mean but speaking of two peas in a pod…you know, you’re not walking around with two melons strapped to your chest. Like I said, you’re cute but that’s it.”
“Well, there’s not much I can do about that,” Heidi reflected.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Nina countered. “These days a woman has a lot of options. I know when I need an ego boost, I put on my sheer push-up bra. Believe me it does wonders for my self-esteem when I stroll through a group of guys. No matter what they’re talking about, they’re gonna stop and pay me attention. I love it!”
“Yeah, but I don’t know about that,” Heidi objected.
The two friends stared at each other as they contemplated what to do. “Look, I know it won’t be easy for you,” Nina offered. “You have to ask yourself: ‘Is he worth it?’ And if he is, then you’re gonna have to dig deep, you’re gonna have to reach down deep in your gut and pull up enough courage to do it once. That’s all it’ll take, just one time.”
“Well…”
“Look, it boils down to whether you want Willie enough to fight for him,” Nina interrupted. “He’s never gonna have the courage to do the first step. He’s only a man. You’ve got to be the one to break the ice and show him how easy it is to do what you want him to.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely!”
—Your Best Foot Forward
Nina
♫ You’ve gotta put your best foot forward,
Your best foot forward,
Get your assets in order,
And put your best foot forward.
So, give it a shot,
Show them what you’ve got,
And put your best foot forward,
Your best foot forward.
Some people might call you a slut,
But all that means is you’ve got some guts.
It’s good being a little bad,
It’s so much better than being sad.
It’s the one thing you’ve gotta do,
If he’s ever gonna fall for you.
You’ve gotta put your best foot forward,
Your best foot forward,
Get your assets in order,
And put your best foot forward.
So, give it a shot,
Show them what you’ve got,
And put your best foot forward,
Your best foot forward. ♫
Heidi
♫ I’m gonna have to dig down deep,
If I’m ever gonna take the leap.
I know there’s a chance that I can fall,
But there’s a chance I might win it all.
So, I guess I’ll listen to you,
If you think it’s something I can do.
I’m gonna put my best foot forward,
My best foot forward,
Get my assets in order,
And put my best foot forward.
I’ll give it a shot,
Show them what I’ve got,
And put my best foot forward,
My best foot forward. ♫
Heidi & Nina
♫ Oh-h—
You’ve gotta put your best foot forward,
Your best foot forward,
Get your assets in order,
And put your best foot forward.
So, give it a shot,
Show them what you’ve got,
And put your best foot forward,
Your best foot forward,
Your best foot forward—.
Best foot! ♫
With a determined look on her face, Heidi declared, “I think I can do it.”
Evelyn Littlewood was another of Heidi’s friends. Where Nina was a free spirit, Evelyn was quite the prude. They were only drawn together because of their mutual friendship with Heidi.
Evelyn was tall and slender with dark red hair. It was extremely rare to see her smile, and it’s been said her laugh has never been heard by the human ear. She cherished her friendship with Heidi, as the truth of the matter was, Heidi was the only real friend she had. There were a couple family members she tolerated quite well, but she thoroughly enjoyed her time spent with Heidi. They were close friends, and she was even willing to put up with Nina’s antics, especially since she had the secret wish to convert her to a more refine and worthy way of life. Nina knew it would never happen.
“What are you girls doing?” Evelyn asked as she approached her two friends.
“Hi, Evelyn,” Heidi said as she pondered matters with a very serious look. “Nina’s convinced me to assert myself. I think I can do it.”
“What have you done?” Evelyn asked with a steely stare directed Nina’s way.
“Well, I just…”
“She’s convinced me to take some action that I’ve been thinking about for a long time,” Heidi interrupted. “I’ve never had the courage, but now I see it’s not a matter of courage, it’s just a matter of doing it.”
Evelyn crossed her arms as she prepared to judge anything Nina had suggested with righteous indignation.
“So, we’re going shopping, get some new cloths, or…” Nina interjected.
“Oh no, not at all,” Heidi declared. “I’ve been thinking about this and I’m going to do it. I’m going to have my boobs enlarged. I’ve saved the money, I’ve got the vacation time, and I’m just gonna do it.”
“That…that’s not what I was saying…”
“No, you’re right, Nina,” Heidi continued. “If I want attention then I’ve got to take action. Thank you for helping me see that. I hate to run but my lunch is over. See you later.”
Nina and Evelyn watched as their friend scurried away. Both were startled at the turn of events, Nina for what she possibly had done and Evelyn for not fully understanding what was going on.
After a reflective moment or two, Evelyn turned and coolly asked, “What have you done, Nina?”
Her friend slowly shook her head and replied, “I’m not sure. I may have just opened Pandora’s box.”
❤️
Go to Act I Scene 2 - Perky2
Go to Act I Scene 3 - Inhumane Resource
Go to Act II Scene 1 - Protuberance
Go to Act II Scene 2 - Human Remorse
Go to Act II Scene 3 - Abstraction
Back to Bulge (or Pressed to Make a Point)
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