Embedded Files
Back to Even More Simple Stories
Harvey could not help himself. His face broke into a smile as he pressed the button to finish recording his outgoing message on the answer machine. He slumped comfortably down into his chair and waited for the phone to ring again. It was not long before the call came through and the receiver jumped to life. Hardly breathing he waited anxiously for the machine to answer. For an instant he allowed himself to reflect back on his life and the events that had led to this moment.
He had met Sylvia through a mutual friend and before long they were dating steady. She was a shy individual who was easily embarrassed by the simplest of things. Harvey was attracted to her and enjoyed making her laugh with his boyish antics and crude behavior. Sylvia was the first to admit to love and this made his heart and head swell with joy. Being a young man it made another part of him swell and he thought for sure she would be as willing as he was to consummate their common interest. It did not take him long to find out she had other ideas about such things.
Sylvia was raised in a very conservative environment and had developed serious paranoia that would haunt her for her entire life. Naturally, Harvey as a lust-filled young man did not recognize the signs of the fear and suspicions that gripped her. It would only be later after years of effort and frustration before he would come to realize what he should have seen from the very beginning.
While he was willing and eager to have sex with the woman he loved, she was not at all interested in giving herself to him. When he reached the point where he thought he would explode she would push him away and demand they wait until they were married. She reasoned with him that they would have a lifetime together where they could explore each other’s body in carnal delight within the confines of holy matrimony. Besides, she explained, if they truly loved each other it would well be worth the wait. When he tried to mildly protest, she told him this was a simple test of his love for her. Was his love so deep he was willing to wait or was his feelings only the heat of unbridled infatuation?
At first, he thought her actions were admirable, but as time progressed he resigned himself to a sexual numbness that could only be cured on their wedding night. On a beautiful starry night he swore his love and asked her to be his wife. She shrilled with delight and accepted the small diamond ring he presented. When they embraced he moved to continue their lovemaking only to be chastised once again by the woman he loved. She reminded him how they had promised each other to wait until after their wedding.
That day came with pomp and eager anticipation. Harvey was mesmerized by Sylvia’s beauty as they stood nervously before the parson. After stumbling through the vows they laughed their way to the reception. Now they were married and the anticipation of what was to happen later that night was buried away in the back of Harvey’s mind. He kept his eagerness hidden there and reveled in the eating, drinking, and dancing of the wedding party.
The evening progressed to where all the guests had left and only the bride and groom’s families were still there. Sylvia had retired to a room with her sister, Hilda, for a change of clothing. Harvey glanced at his watch and wondered what was taking her so long. Finally, he was approached by Zach, his new sister-in-law’s husband.
“Well, you did it,” smiled Zach as he swatted Harvey on the back. “Another good bachelor ruined for life.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” laughed Harvey. “I’m as guilty as you.”
“Well, I hope Sylvia makes you as happy as Hilda’s made me,” reflected Zach.
“I think we’ll be happy,” offered Harvey.
“You should be,” laughed Zach. “Hilda and Sylvia are made out of the same mold.”
“If you say so, Zach,” smiled Harvey as he nervously looked toward the closed door to the room where Sylvia was dressing.
“Look, there is one thing I need to tell you,” declared Harvey as he took on a serious tone.
“What’s that?” asked Harvey as his attention reverted back to Zach.
“Hilda asked me tell you something that Sylvia wanted you know,” offered Zach.
“What would that be?” inquired Harvey as he started to be apprehensive of where the conversation was heading.
“Well, it seems it’s Sylvia’s time of the month,” explained Zach. “Evidently it was supposed to be last week, but I guess with her being excited about the wedding and all it threw her late and didn’t come until yesterday.”
“She’s having her period?” stumbled Harvey in disbelief.
“Yep, afraid so, old boy,” replied Zach as he weakly smiled. “She wanted you to know.”
Harvey reflected for a moment and then asked, “Why are you telling me this? I should be hearing this from Sylvia.”
“Oh, you know how timid she is,” offered Zach. “She told her sister to tell you. Besides, she was afraid you’d get angry.”
“Angry?!?” asked a perplexed Harvey. “Why would I do that?”
“Well, I guess she knows you were looking forward to tonight, and now with this she knows you’ll be disappointed,” explained Zach.
“A woman’s period doesn’t stop them from having sex,” pondered Harvey.
“Oh, it does those two,” laughed Zach. “You know the family they came from. They were raised that it’s not proper and you’re not going to change them.”
“I wished she would have told me to my face,” reflected Harvey. “In fact, I should be in that room with her instead of her sister. After all, I am her husband, now.”
“Well, I’ve told you what they wanted me to tell you,” offered Zach. “Welcome to the family.”
At the motel later that evening any hope of consummating the marriage was totally dashed when Sylvia locked herself in the bathroom. She said she was completely embarrassed to have Harvey see her while she was still having her period. After begging and pleading, he finally agreed to lay with his back to her so he could not see as she emerged from the bathroom and joined him in bed. He felt her timidly crawl in beside him, quickly turn the light out, and turn her back to him. When he turned to kiss her goodnight she shivered as he caressed her arm. With a deep sigh of disappointment Harvey lay on his back and concentrated on trying to sleep. Eventually, as he counted Sylvia’s gentle snores, he drifted off into a fretful sleep. In the morning he felt as tired as if he had been awake all night.
Three days later they had sex. Harvey’s eagerness and frustration from being denied for so long lead him to ignore any attempt at foreplay and mount Sylvia as she lay on her back with her hands over her eyes. Fifteen minutes after the act he was ready to go again. This time he tried to massage her breast but she would squirm and yell from being ticklish. Eventually she surrendered and they made love for the second time after three days of marriage. Years later, in a moment of anger, as she explained why she was not attracted to him, she would remind him how he had “attacked” her on their honeymoon. She did not think she could ever forgive him for such behavior.
Their marriage quickly descended into the mundane comings and goings of everyday life. Harvey’s sexual cravings were far greater than Sylvia’s. In fact, Harvey came to feel that she could live without ever having sex again. It was not long before he was asking and she was regularly turning him down. There was always a good reason. She was either tired or not feeling well or simply wanted to wait until another time. Ultimately, Harvey came to believe she was not just rejecting sex, but was actually rejecting him.
There were nights when he had wanted her so bad that he would lie and cry quietly into his pillow after being told “not tonight.” He could not understand how she could say she loved him and then dismiss his feelings so easily. Eventually he realized she would use anything he had done wrong during the day to deny him at night. It did not take much of an error on his part and he knew there was no need to make any effort at lovemaking. Her body had become a sacred temple where he was only allowed to enter when he had been found worthy.
One night after pleading and being rejected for the second time in a week he declared, “I shouldn’t have to beg like this. You know as your husband I have rights!” She laughed so hard she had to sit up on the edge of the bed. As he turned over in frustration and stared off into space, she said, “Don’t be silly. The only rights a beggar has: Is the right to beg.”
In due course Sylvia realized her biological clock was winding down. Her desires for a baby now lead her to wanting sex every night. At first, Harvey thought he had died and went to heaven. But, it was not long before he felt rejected again. She only wanted his sperm and not necessarily him. And, of course, after she became pregnant the sex ended. They could not take a chance on damaging the baby. Once their son was born Harvey had high hopes the child would bring he and Sylvia closer together. It had the opposite effect. Now she only had time for the baby. No matter how many diapers he changed or clothes he washed she was still too tired at night to give in to passion. Also, she did not want to take a chance on getting pregnant again. The one child was enough for her and she knew she could not handle all the work that a second one would bring.
Later as their son grew into a young man, Harvey again was hopeful that Sylvia would turn her attention to him and his carnal needs. This did not happen as now she was concerned the boy would be able to hear them and would know what they were doing. It did not matter that their son’s room was on the other side of the house. Her mind was set. So, Harvey explored the idea of making love on Saturday afternoons when the boy was visiting his grandparents. This was unacceptable to Sylvia as she never knew when some of their friends would suddenly stop by without warning. She was not going to put herself in such a position to be surprised and embarrassed.
Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. For Harvey each new day dawned with the fresh hope of promises, and descended to the despair of desires unfulfilled.
As time marched forward, and their son grew older, Sylvia became obsessed with hygiene. Everything had to pass her sanitation test. Once, he had taken a shower and running late for work had asked her to throw his towel into the hamper. She declined saying she was busy and besides, if she did, she would have to stop and wash her hands. He wondered how dirty she thought a towel could be when it had been used to dry his bathed body.
Of course, sex was at the bottom of her cleanliness list. She made it clear to Harvey that the idea of a foreign body, possibly loaded with all types of bacteria and germs, entering her body had become repulsive. Now, Harvey felt he was lucky if he was allowed to make love to her once a month, if then.
One day he happened upon an article about the sex life of married couples. It had a graph showing the average couple making love twice a week. When he brought it to Sylvia’s attention she huffed, “I wish you wouldn’t read things like that. Now you expect us to be like that.”
Though Sylvia was content with the situation, Harvey felt their platonic relationship was a pathetic relationship. Many times he wondered why he continued living in a sexless marriage. There had been a couple of women at his employment that had flirted with him and had definitely given sexual overtures. Years later, as an older man, Harvey wished he had been more receptive to their advances, but, at the time, he still clung to the hope that his love for Sylvia would overcome her frigid nature.
He was always amazed how his coworkers could find him charming, with a good sense of humor, easygoing, and an all around nice guy, when at home, he was looked upon as hurtful, deceitful, hot tempered, and lazy. Harvey did his best to act the same at both places and could not understand how one person could be viewed from such different perspectives. Was it him or was it just Sylvia’s perception?
Eventually, she was no longer able to mask her distaste for sex with him. This was not lost on Harvey and he finally concluded all hope was gone one night after she had relented and performed “the ritual,” as he secretly called their lovemaking. He had never been a slender person and now with some age he had put on even more weight. Sylvia had gained, too, but it was she who muttered as she rolled off of him and to her side of the bed, “If we’re gonna keep doing this you’re gonna have to lose some weight.”
In everyone’s life there are good times, bad times, really bad times, extremely bad times, and times so bad you cannot even cry. Harvey had reached that point. Even the sting of Sylvia’s words could not bring him to tears. He lay there in the still darkness of the night totally devastated by the revelation that all his efforts to have a normal physical relationship with his wife had come to nothing. All his married life he had done everything he knew to do to make her want to make love with him. Now he realized he could never make another person want him, especially someone like Sylvia. To want somebody was simply something a person either did or did not do. Years of trying had been wasted. There in the middle of the night Harvey came to a life changing decision: He would no longer try.
As time passed he became quite adept at making his body numb to any physical desires. It did not prove to be very difficult since Sylvia had given him plenty of practice at suppressing his needs. As for her, she seemed to be oblivious to his lack of interest in physical intimacy. This only confirmed Harvey’s suspicion that she had never been concerned about his wants and needs.
At first, Harvey kept account of the time that had passed since he and Sylvia had shared each other’s love. He lost count as the time moved into years. The only physical contact they would have would be a quick kiss if one was leaving the house without the other. His anger, resentment, and frustration slowly evolved into a resigned bitterness.
As the years progressed they developed separate interest. At times it appeared their only common concern was about their son who was now a young adult. Harvey increased his interest in baseball and football. Sylvia surprised him by becoming a race car fan. He could not figure out why she came to love watching fast cars go around in a circle. About this time, she demanded a bank account of her own. Harvey saw no need for separate accounts and was opposed to the idea, but later relented when her obsession with money became a driving force in her life. It was easier to have her manage her own than to continually listen to the nagging and complaining.
Around this time, Harvey was shocked and surprised when Sylvia announced one night she wanted to try some different sexual positions and techniques. She explained how she had read about them in a magazine and wanted to try something new. He tried to remember how long it had been since their last lovemaking but could only narrow it down to a matter of years. Harvey agreed to her request and watched as his wife became a person he did not recognize. Every night she could not wait to get into bed with him and start the process.
Despite the fact he was now having sex more than he had ever wanted, Harvey felt detached from the proceedings. Where had this woman been years ago before he became a bitter old man? Why was she like this now? Was she really interested in him or was it a midlife crisis or simply a hormone imbalance? He could not help but resent all the sexual activity now that she wanted it. She had not been there for him and his needs but he was expected to be there for her.
One night, after a couple weeks of sex, she came to bed to find Harvey lying on his stomach. When she told him to turn over he replied he was not in the mood that night. At first, she thought he was joking but started crying when she saw he was serious. “You’re the cruelest person I know!” she shouted in desperation. Harvey buried his head in his pillow and replied, “You’re right, it is cruel. It was cruel when you used to do it and it’s cruel for me to do it. But you only see my cruelty. You’ve never seen yours.” She cried herself to sleep, but not being deterred, she was right back on him the next night.
In time Sylvia noticed his apparent lack of interest and became frustrated herself. She started to withdraw back into her shell. Once again, their marriage drifted into the doldrums of everyday life. Sex no longer existed between them. As time continued to pass, Sylvia became noted among friends and family as one who would hug to say goodbye. To Harvey it was just another example of her lack of desire to have any physical contact with him. She would give him a quick and swift goodbye kiss, but that was all. He could not remember the last time she reached out and took his hand, or slipped her arm into his as they walked along the street. Though ready and willing with others, she never approached him with a hug, even when it was apparent he needed one. She had never joined him on the couch and snuggled up to him for a tender moment together. Once again, as it was at the first of their marriage, he did not feel worthy.
Their lives progressed to the point where their son moved out into a place of his own. Sylvia took the opportunity to move into the spare bedroom. She had endured Harvey’s snoring all those years and now there was no need to any longer. To Harvey this was the first time she had ever complained about not being able to sleep with the noise. As far as he could see, it was just another wedge driven between them to keep him at a distance. He did not protest because he no longer cared.
Leaving the other had never been an option for either one of them. They both clung to a fundamental belief of accepting their providence and working with what had been given. Besides, they did love each other. But they had failed to love the way each one needed to be loved. So, as they grew older together, any resemblance of romance was neatly buried away in the annual ritual of giving each other a cheap “Happy Wedding Anniversary” card full of superficial thoughts and shallow words for their one-dimensional marriage. Their lives fell into the day-to-day survival existence of just waiting for one of them to die. Then the survivor could go through the grieving experience before pursuing a better life without the burden of the other’s company. This was to be their fate until one day in June.
Harvey had not particularly paid any attention to the changes that had been taken place over the last year. Sylvia had started an exercise program and had lost a considerable amount of weight. Now she was dying her hair more often and wearing makeup more than ever before. She was always finding some new clothing to buy. On top of this, her interest in car racing had progressed to the point where she would attend if one was nearby. Harvey had no interest in going with her and her group of racing friends. He was content to stay at home or attend a local high school football game.
Then came that day in June when he came home from work and found Sylvia had left. He found out later she had become enamored with a race car driver and was willing to leave all for him. She was able to get to know him by always hanging around the pit crew. In fact, she had a brief affair with one of the tire changers just to be able to be near the driver. He had wealth, good looks, and an exciting life that intrigued her. When he was willing for her to move in with him, she boldly packed up and left her home and marriage of twenty-seven years. Harvey knew he should feel sad about what had happened, but he found it difficult to feel anything but elation. He immediately contacted a lawyer and set matters in motion to protect himself and his belongings.
It had been three months since Sylvia had left when the phone rang. She was on the other end and the conversation gave way to her wanting to come back home. Her race car driving boyfriend had kicked her out of his trailer and his life. She had unexpectedly walked in on him making love to another woman. When she threw a tantrum and demanded to know what was gong on, he informed her she was in no position to be demanding anything. Security escorted her out of the infield after she smashed his championship trophy against the side of his racing car.
“So, now, I’m just supposed to open up and let you back in my life?” asked Harvey as he shook his head in disbelief.
“I’ve learned my lesson, Harvey,” cried Sylvia. “I just want a chance to prove it.”
“I don’t know,” he pondered. “I thought things were better with you gone.”
“How can you say that?” she barked. “After all that I’ve done for you. You’re just gonna kiss twenty-seven years away?”
“I believe that’s what you were doing when you ran off with racer boy,” declared Harvey. “Or have you already forgotten what you did?”
“You’re right,” she cried. “You’re right. I can see now that it was wrong.”
“Well, I don’t know,” reflected Harvey. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Look, I know I probably need to do things better,” she offered. “We both do. But I’m willing to try if you are.”
“After twenty-seven years you’re willing to try?” smirked Harvey. “Is that supposed to impress me or something?”
“Look, you owe me, Harvey,” declared Sylvia. “I gave you as much of my life as you gave me.”
“Well, I don’t know,” he reflected. “I’m gonna have to think about it.”
“What’ve I got to do to change your mind?” She asked as she started crying again. “I shouldn’t have to beg. I’ve got rights, too, you know!”
“I’ll think about it,” he replied.
“That’s not good enough. I need to know something now. I don’t have anywhere else to go!” she yelled. “Harvey, don’t hang up on me. Harvey…” CLICK.
There are moments when your heart speaks to you, and if ignored, will change your life for all times. Harvey stared at the phone and wondered what he should do. What did he want to do? If he allowed Sylvia to come home would his life be better than if he refused her request? Had it been so long and the hurt so deep that no matter how hard he or Sylvia tried the pain would never be healed? What could possibly happen to make up for the hurt and bitterness of the last twenty-seven years? What if the tables were turned and it was he who had strayed and wanted to come back? Would she be so forgiving?
The only thing Harvey was sure about was he needed time to think things through. She would have to give him that if she wanted any chance at all at coming home. At least, this time she was the one feeling the need to beg.
He crossed his hands behind his head as he leaned back in his recliner. The phone stopped ringing as the answering machine engaged.
“Hello, this is Harvey. Thank you for calling but I’m unable to take your call at this time. Please leave a message at the tone. Oh, and by the way, please remember that the only rights a beggar has: Is the right to beg.” BEEP.
THE END
Copyright ©2006 by Jerry W. Crews
Page updated
Google Sites
Report abuse