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Back to Bulge (or Pressed to Make a Point)
Later in the afternoon Willie was enjoying a diet soda in the lunchroom as he took his final break of the day. Just before he had left the phones, he had received an email from HR stating that the matter of complaints against his male augmentation had been closed with no further actions deemed necessary. He smiled at the thought of how much pain it must have caused Teresa Woolverton to write such an email. She was not used to being outmaneuvered when it came to HR matters, and he knew he was going to have to carefully watch his every move as she would be gunning for him at the first opportunity. He had no plans to give her any ammunition as all he wanted was employment until he earned his diploma. After that, as far as he was concerned, their paths need never cross again.
His thoughts were interrupted when Heidi approached and said “Hello.”
“Oh, hi, have a seat.”
“Thank you,” she said as she took a seat. “What were you smiling about?”
He smiled again and replied, “Oh, I was just thinking how satisfying it is to be on the winning side with HR for a change.”
“So, everything’s okay?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty good, right now,” he answered. “But, I’ll tell you the best part.”
“What’s that?”
“Having you sit at my table,” he grinned with a hint of embarrassment.
“I like that, too,” she said with a smile.
After a silent moment he offered, “I want to apologize to you for making that rude remark to you about your breast augmentation. I was caught off guard and just blurted it out.”
“There’s no need to apologize,” she declared. “I took it as a compliment. Besides, I did it so people would look, especially you.”
“You did?” he asked with a startled look. “Oh, I noticed way before then.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” she questioned.
He shrugged and answered, “I’m kinda shy and I didn’t want you to think badly of me.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t do that,” she stated. “I’m shy, too, and I was waiting on you to make the first move. I wanted you to.”
“So, we both were sitting around afraid to say anything and waiting on the other one to speak,” he concluded.
“Yep, I guess so,” she agreed. “So, how’d that work out?”
They laughed and then Willie offered, “I have a confession to make.”
“Okay, you tell me a secret and then I’ll tell you one,” Heidi said with a toss of her head.
He looked up at the ceiling and then at her, “I really didn’t have anything done, you know, down there.”
Heidi grinned and said, “You mean it’s fake.”
“Yep, afraid so,” he acknowledged. “I didn’t really want to do anything like that, and besides, I don’t have the money to spend on something that cost that much. I just wanted to get even with HR for treating me the way they did.”
“That’s interesting,” she offered. “It worked.”
“Are you disappointed in me?” he sheepishly asked.
“No, not at all,” she quickly replied. “I can understand why you did it.”
“Thanks,” he said. “So, I’ve told you mine, so what’s yours?”
She grinned again and confessed, “I didn’t have anything done, either.”
“Are you serious??”
“Yes, I am,” she replied. “It’s just a bunch of padding. I’m like you, I really didn’t want to do it. Once a long time ago I did, but not now. So, I’m faking it, too. Are you mad at me?”
“No, never,” he answered. “If nothing else it got us talking to each other. I couldn’t ever be angry about that.” Then he smiled and offered, “We make some kinda pair, don’t we?”
“Two peas in a pod,” she declared.
Their laughter was interrupted as Nina joined them. She hastily said, “Hey, lovebirds. I can’t sit as I just saw a hunk in the new training class that started today. I’m gonna have to check him out and see how he ranks on the Nina-scale.”
“You’re terrible!” Heidi laughed.
“I know,” Nina laughed, too.
“That’s why we like you,” Willie added.
“Thanks,” Nina said. “Well, I’ve gotta run.”
“Hey, have you seen Evelyn?” Heidi asked. “I want to have a little discussion with her about what she did to Willie and all the trouble she caused.”
“Oh, forget about her,” Nina declared. “She’s a little too busy to talk about that now.”
“Why? What’s happened?”
“Well, all I know is they offered everybody some voluntary time off and she signed up for it,” Nina explained. “Then the word I hear is she and Curtis were seen getting in his car and driving away.”
“Are you serious?”
“Curtis and Evelyn??” Willie asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, he told me he hadn’t seen anyone come through training lately that tickles his fancy,” Nina continued. “So, I guess he’s going to try and conquer something he’s never attempted before. I gotta run. See you guys.”
Heidi and Willie stared at each and then burst into laughter. “Can you believe that?” Willie asked.
“She’s always been Miss Goody-Two-Shoes,” Heidi smirked. “I guess the truth is she’s just like the rest of us.”
“Yeah, love comes in all sizes, shapes, colors, and flavors, I guess,” Willie asserted. “Of course, with Curtis, I’m not sure love is in his plans.”
“Well, the way she’s talked about his womanizing in the past, she has no room to complain when he gets tired of her,” Heidi declared. “She knows how he is, so, I don’t want to hear anything out of her.”
“Oh, she’s your friend,” Willie offered. “You’ll be there for her.”
“I know. But right now I’m still upset with her and what she did,” Heidi stated.
Willie nodded his head and then asked, “How long do you give them?”
Heidi grinned and replied, “Three weeks at the most.”
“Oh, I bet it goes a little longer than that,” he asserted.
“I might take that bet, mister,” she teased. “What do I get if I win?”
“Hmm,” he thought for a moment. “If you win I’ll buy you dinner wherever you want to go.”
“That sounds interesting,” she said with a smile.
“And if I win?” he asked.
“Okay, if you win, then I’ll buy you dinner,” she declared.
“That sounds like a good bet,” he said with a laugh. “Shake.”
They shook hands to seal the deal. Willie didn’t let go of her hand as quickly as he normally would and she didn’t mind at all.
“Of course, three weeks is a very long time for us to wait to see who buys dinner,” he offered.
“You’re right,” she agreed. “Three weeks is a long time.”
“So, why don’t we go out tonight?” he asked with a hopeful look on his face.
“We could or you could come over to my place and I’ll cook us dinner,” she offered.
“Ah, you don’t want to cook after working all day,” he declared. “Why don’t I pick something up and come over?”
“Okay.”
“What do you like?”
“How about pizza?”
“Really? You’re stealing my heart!”
—I’ll Be Yours (The Rest Of My Life)
Heidi
♫ You don’t need a special invite,
For me to welcome you into my life.
All you need is to treat me right,
And I’ll be yours for the rest of my life.
I’ll be yours, oh yes I will.
You’ll be mine, oh yes you will.
I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine,
We’ll have each other ‘til the end of all time,
I’ll be yours.
You’ll be mine.
I’ll be yours. ♫
Willie
♫ I don’t want to be a bother,
But I would love to have you in my life.
For me it would be an honor,
To know you’re there for the rest of my life.
I’ll be yours, oh yes I will.
You’ll be mine, oh yes you will.
I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine,
We’ll have each other ‘til the end of all time,
I’ll be yours.
You’ll be mine.
I’ll be yours. ♫
Heidi & Willie
♫ Two lovers spending one life together.
I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine,
Forever and ever,
Yes, I will,
You know I will,
Oh, yes I will, for the rest of my life.
So, you won’t have to ask me twice,
For me to want you the rest of my life.
So, take my hand and hold it tight,
Keep on holding me ‘til the morning light.
I’ll be yours, oh yes I will.
You’ll be mine, oh yes you will.
I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine,
We’ll be together ‘til the end of all time,
I’ll be yours.
You’ll be mine.
I’ll be yours.
I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine,
Forever and ever,
Yes, I will,
You know I will,
I’ll be yours— ♫
—Bulge (Reprise)
Heidi & Willie (joined by Nina, Curtis, & Evelyn)
♫ He’s got a bulge in his crotch,
A rocket in his socket,
He’s got a bulge in his crotch.
It’s larger than a notch,
That bulge in his crotch,
He’s got a bulge, he’s got a bulge,
In his crotch. ♫
Curtis
♫ A rocket in his socket,
A brick for a dick,
A blob for a knob,
A block for a cock,
A pole in his hole,
A spear souvenir,
A stick as a prick,
A bang of a wang,
A shaft in his raft,
A tool in his pool,
A rod in his squad,
A bolt with a jolt,
A dream of a beam,
Real long for a dong,
Big meat in his heat,
A banana in his bandana!!
I wanna bulge—I wanna bulge—
In my crotch! ♫
Heidi, Willie, Nina & Evelyn
Curtis!!
Curtis
What??
Heidi, Willie, Nina & Evelyn
It’s not real!
Curtis
Oh. Oh—h.
Heidi & Willie, Nina, Curtis, & Evelyn
♫ He’s got a bulge in his crotch,
A rocket in his socket,
He’s got a bulge in his crotch.
It’s larger than a notch,
That bulge in his crotch,
He’s got a bulge, he’s got a bulge,
He’s got a bulge, he’s got a bulge,
In his crotch, in his crotch,
In his crotch—. ♫
—Anything More (Reprise)
Heidi
♫ I’m glad he looked my way. ♫
Willie
♫ I’m glad she said okay. ♫
Heidi
♫ I’m not way out of line. ♫
Willie
♫ I’m not out of my mind. ♫
Heidi & Willie
♫ We’re not wasting our time,
We couldn’t ask for anything more,
Anything more,
Anything more. ♫
Heidi, Willie, Nina, Curtis, & Evelyn
♫ Anything more—. ♫
❤️❤️
CURTAIN
Back to Bulge (or Pressed to Make a Point)
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Back to Act I Scene 2 - Perky2
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Back to Act II Scene 2 - Human Remorse
Copyright ©2014 by Jerry W. Crews
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