A Tender Moment In Time

He drummed his fingers slowly on the back of the bench as he patiently waited for his wife. She was trying on her fourth dress and he knew it would not be the last one she would try today. He had walked through the shop and looked at everything that could be of interest to a man in a woman’s clothing store. Tired of trying to look interested, he was now relaxing, as best he could, on a bench near the dressing room.

It was with little interest when, out of a daze, he looked up as a woman strolled by on her way to the checkout counter. She had almost walked by when she glanced toward him. For the briefest of moments, their eyes locked in mutual interest as they smiled at each other. She peering deep into his baby blues and he lost in the darkest brown he had ever seen. His pupils widened with delight as their spirits seemed to touch and soar with anticipation that would never be realized.

She would never know what a difference she would have made in his life. He grew up in a strict and stern environment with two older siblings. His father was not one to show much emotion outside of the occasional burst of anger. He could never remember his father saying, “I love you,” or even giving him a hug. There was no doubt he was loved, but it was not put on display. His father worked hard to provide for the family and seemed to have little time left to spend with the children. He was a quiet man even when he became angry. Without saying a word he would quickly rectify any misbehavior. All the children knew his threshold and tried their best to steer clear of it. If one of them crossed over the line, they would immediately feel his retribution. His father believed in corporal punishment and delivered it with the vigor of a man half his age. One time his father went to kick him in the buttocks and missed. The foot landed squarely in his back and he felt the pain for two weeks. Seeing his agony his mother finally intervened as his father raised a hand to slap him. It was enough to calm the anger and the family returned to its normal everyday way of life.

His mother was a homemaker and was good at it. With great diligence, she would keep the home and prepare the meals. It was her duty to make sure her husband was prepared every day for work and the children ready for school. She performed this task with the efficiency of a well-oiled machine. He knew his mother loved him and his brothers, but at times, it appeared she loved caring for them more than she loved them as individuals. When it came to matters of the heart, she was absorbed in what was happening to her and usually ignored the wishes and desires of the rest of the family.

From such a background, he forged ahead through the wild and exciting obnoxious teenage years to grow into an opinionated, and at times, cold hearted young man. When he met the woman who would become his wife, he experienced true love for the first time in his life. He was ready to give all to his new bride, but she proved to be more like his mother than he could have ever imagined. It was not long before his life deteriorated into a mundane existence of work, raising children, and the occasional relaxation of a well-earned vacation. Their sexual encounters produced children but not much else. Her lack of response was as satisfying as if he had tried to make love to a cow whose only interest was grazing. She was willing to go through the motion, but that was all she was willing to do.

At times he tried to share his feelings of desperation with his wife, but she was too busy concerned about her own needs to give him the attention he desired. The last time he attempted to speak from the heart, she gave him a look he had seen many times before. It was the same look on his mother’s face when anyone complained about being mistreated. He clearly remembered seeing it when he tried to talk to her about his father kicking him in the back.

No longer wanting to be berated for having any personal desires or feelings, he resigned himself to a humdrum life that would only have true relief when he was placed in the ground underneath a marble stone. Now, as he briefly stared into the stranger’s dark brown eyes, he could never imagine how different his life would have been if they had met in their younger days. If he would have had her, she would have been good for him. She would have shown him the kind of love he used to yearn for as a child. He would have delighted in loving a woman like her. She would have been the light of his life, and she would have eyes only for him. Together they would have raised a family and been inseparable until their dying days. Their lovemaking would have left them completely satisfied, as they delighted in each other while they frolicked in the throes of passion. She would have laughed at his off-colored jokes, listened as he tried to express his feelings, consoled him when he was weary, helped him mend a bruised ego, and be the partner he used to only find in his dreams.

Yes, if he would have had her, she would have loved him.

As she peered into the eyes of the stranger, she could see the tenderness of his soul. He would never know what a difference he would have made in her life. She grew up in an abusive and unloving family. Her father drank heavily and her mother lived in denial. From the young age of nine until she ran away from home at fifteen, he took advantage of her innocence. Once he was sober, he was always sorry for his misdeeds and vowed to never take advantage of her again. Of course, this promise only lasted until he had another bottle of liquor in his hand. As she grew older she tried to resist him. This only resulted in her receiving a beating before she was raped. She tried to turn to her mother for help, but was ridiculed for falsely accusing her father of such atrocities. One time the heated exchange resulted in her mother slapping her across the face as she refused to take her motherly advice and apologize to her father. It was the last time they yelled at each other as she came to the realization her mother would never help free her from her abusive father. Later she came to realize her father was not the only alcoholic in the family. In fact, it was when her mother was in a drunken stupor that her father would approach her and demand she satisfy his carnal desires.

Her brother was three years older than her, and one time when she was fourteen, she turned to him for comfort. He listened intently as she described the horror of the past five years and begged for him to intervene on her behalf with their father. Her eyes widened in panic as he placed his hand on her thigh and told her he was there for her. She tried her best to resist him, but he was overpowering, and it was not long before he was on top of her. When he was finished, he warned her to never tell anyone, or he would sneak into her bedroom and kill her. Later that night her father raped her.

At the age of fifteen, she was physically and emotionally drained. With her childhood stripped away from her, she was forced to become an adult before anyone should. One evening she saw her father sitting at the kitchen table with a liquor bottle in his hand. She could hear snoring coming from her mother’s bedroom as she slept off the effects of her own drinking. Quietly, she grabbed the cast iron frying pan and approached her father from the rear. With all the strength she could muster, she brought it down on top of his head. He fell to the floor with a thud. Fearing for her life, she fled her home and traveled to another state. She never saw her family again.

Out on her own she turned to many men for help. She found them willing to help for a price. Eventually she met and married a twenty year old young man. She thought she had found the love of her life, but it was not long before her dreams gave way to nightmares. The love he once had for her turned to disgust as she could no longer please him. No matter how hard she tried, he would become angry and would beat her until she was bloodied and bruised. Of course, later he would be sorry for what she had made him do and promised to never strike her again if she would only listen to him. As their relationship deteriorated, he began drinking and would stay drunk for days. This naturally affected his ability to keep a steady job, and the burden of providing financially for them fell squarely on her shoulders. If it had not been for the meager wages from her job as a waitress, there would have been many times when they would have had no money at all. When he sobered up he always wanted to make up with her by having oral sex. She did her best to satisfy him, but the stench from him not bathing for days made her gag as he moaned with pleasure.

One day she had enough. When he dropped his pants in anticipation her attention was drawn to a cast iron frying pan in the kitchen sink. It was not long before she was out on her own again. This time she took refuge in a shelter for battered women. It was the best thing she had ever done in her life. With their help and support she made a new life for herself. She was now independent for the first time and was the happiest she had ever been. But even with this new life, there was a longing for love. The love she had dreamed of as a little girl. It had always been denied her and had left a void in her life.

Now, as she briefly stared into the stranger’s blue eyes, she could never imagine how different her life would have been if they had met in their younger days. If she would have had him, he would have been good for her. He would have shown her the kind of love she used to yearn for as a child. She would have delighted in loving a man like him. He would have been the light of her life, and he would have eyes only for her. When she would be weak, he would be strong. They would have laughed together, and if she became sad, he would have gently wiped the tears from her eyes as he gathered her into his comforting arms. He would have loved her for just being her, bragged on her in public, listened to her as she explored her feelings, understood her emotional needs, gave her all the loving attention she desired, and be the partner she used to only find in her dreams.

Yes, if she would have had him, he would have loved her.

The moment past and she continued on her way to the checkout counter. He resumed his finger drumming as he waited for his wife to finish in the dressing room. All they were left with was the tenderness of the moment.

Life would have been different if they had only met each other years ago. But it did not happen. They never had each other, that is, until now. At last, they did have each other for a moment: A tender moment in time.

THE END

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