Looking Away

Update Aug 2019

" It is not my fault that you are sick ".

This has been said to me more often. Twice it had a big impact. In 2012 by my father and in 2015 by the labor expert of the municipality of Tilburg. Another employee of the governmental approved labor company said: " It is not a fault of the municipality that you are sick ". Years of thinking, I know the answer. But to speak out is tricky, without blaming others. If they don't believe or trust you, you retreat, radio silence. But.. If others do not tell the truth, it is my duty to speak the truth. Both parties are indeed to blame. My illness and being sick consists of different causes and consequences, which "in themselves are partly but collectively responsible for the total sum of results achieved". It is complicated.

In my youth I have had this stomach problem since I was 4 years old. My mother was a violent aggressive alcoholic. This made me 'bring food up' including vomiting. Between age of 4 and 6 I have been to the hospital several times for research. I grew up with periods that varied, from fewer to more complaints. After my 18th birthday the manifestations became stable. It was named "stress related stomach disorder" by professors and doctors. Around my 40th year in 2010, my father says, in the presence of my girlfriend at the time, that the specialist said at the age of 6; it could be due to the situation at home. My mother exploded. My father says, with a smile, that he saw the specialist think "Eurake, I found it". This is the moment my father should have intervened.

Probably the foundation has been laid here of not getting enough nutrients or, not in the right way. In addition to disturbed acidity of the stomach and consequences for stomach, valves and gullet. In combination with the heavy work that I have done, it has therefore affected my joints earlier than normal. I was 27 years at the first manifestations and 33 years at the diagnosis. The heavy work. I had bad luck leaving Defense. If I had left the army 1 year later, I would have received a number of diplomas (as ambulance nurse and doctor's assistant) that are valid in civil society. Not now, so. When I was invited to the municipal employment office, they immediately sent me to employment agencies. There they said that I had no papers. I ended up at the bottom of the pile of priorities. And in front of loading and unloading work in trucks and sea containers.