Do not Push Just don't

Yes. It is here. Again. Early April, I came into a cold and damp trench. I'm still stuck. Can not move left or right. When I wake up, it seems gone. But today suddenly I began to sob. Before my first cup of coffee. Although the sun is shining summerly outside, inside here, inside me, there is persistent dark storm of mean icy clouds. Not fear of dark of night, but dark as in evil. Not fear of 'an enemy'. No.Fear of that the person standing next to you in the trench, your buddy and brother, suddenly turns to you, pointing his gun at you. Let's say, the evil version of friendly fire. Nevertheless, my 'gun' is afirst-aid kit anyway. No.. I do not like, to ' have to shoot ' the enemy, I really hate it, when it comes to friends. I would rather silence myself. You do not know, where it stops. He may, or may not shoot at all. Are you gonna shoot first, because you are afraid that he does ?. Although you know, normally, he never would hurt you. Fear of a sudden death that suddenly turns into panic, and can change everything in a second. One of my friends was attacked by a friend, and another friend also by his partner. I see "my friend" coming, who is going to attack me. From miles away.. Even though I searchpeace within myself, War continues to come my way. Even though I have enough food, it seems impossibly to get something down my throat. The smell returns, although I do clean myself several times each day. I digress. I must get back.. Back to the program.