As long as it does not kill you..

As long as it doesn't kill you..

January 2014 - The first few years after my diagnosis ( 2004 ) were difficult while the initial damage to my back was in 1992.. From 2004 to 2006, I had the one after another depression, or breakdown. While the diagnosis by doctors is done, everyone turns out to be a doctor. I was re-evaluated by everyone. No, I'm not talking about social services, employment companies or doctors. But unskilled to highly educated who seem to bother me with their opinions. This eventually led to a list of comments from people that you can see in the article Multiple Diagnosis Syndrome. In 2009, a remarkable incident changed a few things.

In the working class neighborhood where we lived, many households were family from one another. They only saw me as "unemployed blower" They insulted, gossiped and teased me while I was unable to do groceries and barely got out of bed, whimpering in pain. Then came a new neighbor living next to us. We were talking, quickly, in the alley behind our homes, where I told her I was sick, and my body was damaged. As always, i immediately told that I smoked joints against the pain. She responded with ; ,,Oh, as long as it does not kill you.. ". This phrase would later become my personal motto in the fight, to be allowed to use cannabis instead of the regular painkillers like morphine and opiates ( usually synthetically reproduced and therefore more harmful and dangerous ) Later in the evening, I was angry, I just told this woman that I was already physically broken. I did not understand it. Or. Had she not understand ?. But she understood. That I was being bullied by one family. She had studied at the university, was later found. Where most people say too much, she said too little .. This particular remark made me fierce, and i began to stand up for myself, and the official diagnosis. I was already convinced of the right of self-preservation and ethical self-determination since 1989, but my confidence had much to handle. Everything that happened after this ; my quest, investigations, contacts, the two years use of the dutch official medical cannabis,talking with several police officers about my legal cannabis use, building this site, the International Hemp and Cannabis for Health Group, fighting the denial of an official diagnosis ( also a diagnose ? ) quarrels about this with my family, requesting for an " exemption opium law " to be legally allowed to have a few cannabis plants, the fight against the artificial high prices of official / on-official medical / or regular cannabis, the search for patients who receive compensation for their medication, and the global search for fellow patients between the cannabis users and dealers has come into gear through this one remark. As a volcano. I even blame her for that now I am studying if my life depends on it.