Dole Caught Editing Own Wikipedia Entry

Dole Caught Editing Own Wikipedia Entry

By staff writer B.S.

Bob Dole Says Vote For Bob Dole Website

12/15/2008

Tampa, Florida - Since the debut of software that traces edits to the online encyclopedia Wikipedia back to where the edits were made, free-speech advocates and government watchdog groups have enjoyed call out government agencies and companies whose employees made edits to the encyclopedia. In an stunning new revelation, it now seems that individual politicians are using Wikipedia to help improve their images. During a press conference outside the non-decrepit building where some of Wikimedia's servers reside, "Eye on Politicians" founder George Ryan slammed Dole for illicit edits to his own Wikipedia article despite the online encyclopedia's policy against discouraging the practice.

"Once again Bob Dole is mis-using the public's trust in order to continue his outrageous vote-gathering efforts" said Ryan. "It's clearly unethical to use a public free speech outlet to polish one's own image in a biased fashion, and without references to boot. Case in point, here is example number one. Dole changed a sentence about the 1996 Presidential election from, "Dole lost to Clinton by millions of votes...," to "Millions of Americans used the power of their votes to castrate Clinton and elect Bob Dole the leader of the Free World." The evidence is clear; this edit was made from an IP address registered to a computer in Dole's home. His actions are just a little outrageous, don't you think?" concluded the inflamed Ryan.

Upon hearing the news media report the story, Dole's staff scrambled to come up with a reply. "Jesus, can't we just say there's no way to know who made the edit using that computer because more than one person had access to it? I mean, maybe the maid did it!" said staff member Ted Stevens. Dole was quick to speak up. "Bob Dole says Bob Dole knows it wasn't the maid. She wears that Obama T-shirt to work sometimes and keeps pestering Bob Dole for inauguration tickets! Besides Ted, Bob Dole already told you Bob Dole made those Wikipedia edits." said Dole.

"Don't worry Bob; you can always say you're guilty, then just try to reverse it later" said consultant Larry Craig. Dole gave Craig an angry look before declaring, "Bob Dole will hold Bob Dole's own press conference and tell people the truth."

Dole press conference in front of the Lincoln Memorial was not well-attended by major media outlets, as most paid $10 to Dole intern William Cosby to simply run a webcam feed to them. Undeterred, Dole let the truth be known. "Bob Dole has been under a lot of pressure lately. Elizabeth Dole keeps trying to steal Bob Dole's votes so she can use them in a recount for her North Carolina Senate seat. Bob Dole was just helping people understand what a great person Bob Dole is by editing Bob Dole's Wikipedia article, and then using this supply of potential new voters as a hedge against the former Senator from North Carolina using threats against Bob Dole to gains access to Bob Dole's repository of votes." explained the elder politician before finally taking a breath again.

Upon hearing the story about Dole's illicit edits, Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales was unmoved, and released a statement saying, "Wikipedia needs quality editors to contribute quality material. I'm banning Bob Dole's user account, BobDoleBobDoleBobDole2300B.C., as of this moment."