Dole Goes to Rap School

Dole Goes To Rap School

By staff writer B.S.

Bob Dole Says Vote For Bob Dole Website

10/14/2004

New York, NY – In a humiliating effort to become more in-touch with today’s younger voters, Bob Dole enrolled in Rap School today.

The only redeeming quality Dole has is the surprising ability to rap to a steady beat to the words, “Bob Dole, Bob Dole, vote for Bob Dole….”

Political analyst Ron "My team lost more than Bob Dole" Santo had this to say about Dole’s endeavor: “It’s a humiliation to old white politicians everywhere.”

A special guest arrived later in the afternoon; Snoop Dogg.

“What is up…Dogg” said a laughably contrite Dole.

Mr. Dogg had this comment after Dole began practicing; “Man, I’m just in this for the dough you payin’ me.”

When Dole began rapping, the room, filled with regular students, quickly cleared out. Those fortunate souls did not have to hear this mortifying travesty:

“I am Bob Dole, I have ten moles, yo-yo,

Bob Dole used to bowl, but Bob Dole don’t no more,

Looks like Bob Dole is on a roll, you pay the toll,

Bob Dole’s stove still runs on coal,

Bob Dole sits on a knoll,

Vote for Bob Dole, yo-yo.”

A choking, deathly silence accompanied the end of his performance. The only person remaining in the room besides this reporter was the class instructor, and even he was there against his own will.

“Bob, why don’t you take a break and come back tomorrow. But don’t forget, we’ll be meeting at a different place tomorrow” said the school’s instructor.

“Where is that yo?” Dole asked.

“It’s in a very secret spot under the Brooklyn Bridge. To get there, jump off the bridge. ” said the straight-faced instructor.

An oblivious Dole simply agreed. “Later my homies” said an extremely awarkward Dole.

Needless to say, this in one case where no one is going to complain about someone “dropping” out of school.