Dole Concedes All-Star Election

Dole Concedes All-Star Election

By staff writer B.S.

Bob Dole Says Vote For Bob Dole Website

7/12/2004

Washington, D.C. – Today on the steps of the Capitol building, Bob Dole conceded he has been defeated in his attempt to win a spot on the starting roster of the 2004 All-Star Game.

"Just because Bob Dole lost today does not mean that Bob Dole is a loser. Bob Dole will carry on." The solitary Dole supporter in attendance clapped, and Dole paused to soak it in. At final tally, Dole lost to Jeff Kent for the second baseman position for the National League by some two million votes.

"As long as Bob Dole gets votes, Bob Dole will eventually win!" said a defiant Dole, apparently unaware that there is a time limit to the 1996 Presidential election, as well as this election.

Especially discouraging for the Dole camp was that beleaguered munchkin Mickey Rooney received two second basemen All-Star votes himself, thereby sending Dole to last place. One Dole assistant was quoted as saying, "What kind of lunatic would come up with the idea of wasting All-Star votes on a random celebrity?"

Dole ended the press conference with a statement that seemed to come out of left field: "Bob Dole says Bob Dole is considering a course of action demanding a full recount." No one on hand could tell if Dole was joking or serious. Time will tell.