Dole and Kaelin Found Charity

Dole and Kaelin Found Charity

By staff writer B.S.

Bob Dole Says Vote For Bob Dole Website

5/23/2005

Los Angeles, California – Today at joint press conference, Senator Bob Dole and the ever-unemployed Kato Kaelin announced they were working together to be the “celebrity” spokesmen for a new charity called “Money to Help People Addicted to Collecting License Plates Foundation.”

“Collecting license plates is a serious problem that not many people besides Kato and Bob Dole are aware of.” Dole began bluntly.

Kato then rose out of his seat and leaned into the microphone to explain, “It’s not exactly a problem, more like a concern.” Dole then stared ominously at Kato before continuing on.

“Some people try to visit all 50 states, and the District of Columbia, with the soul intention of stealing a license plate from that state. It’s a fact that 800 license plates are stolen every day by people who can’t control their license plate collecting addiction.

When grilled by this reporter as to where he got his data, Dole promptly replied, “Bob Dole had Bob Dole’s senate staff watch a mall parking lot in Pennsylvania for a week, so Bob Dole knows that the data is accurate.”

Kaelin said he first brought the problem to Dole’s attention after seeing someone steal a license plate firsthand.

“Dude, I was in South Central LA this one time, you know, just walking around and buying some “stuff” I needed, when I saw this guy run up to a car, pick the lock, then drive off with the license plates, and the car, really, really, I mean really, really fast man.” Kato recounted.

When questioned whether people might actually be stealing the cars themselves instead of only the license plates, Dole responded; “Of course they’re interested in stealing the license plates! Have you seen California’s license plate design? Or how about Pennsylvania’s? They’re both very nice.”

Kato was seen sleeping, and drooling on himself, during most of Dole’s speech, and had to be repeatedly nudged to deliver his own “speech.”

“I like charities. I also like citrus fruit, sleeping past noon, and being on TV for no reason whatsoever.” Kaelin said. “Go charity!” he said, raising his hand into the air.

Dole also said the foundation’s center will be established in LA, at the request of Kaelin, complete with living accommodations for up to 20 people at a time.

When asked about the center’s already finalized design plans, Kato bubbled with excitement over them.

“I really like the TV Lounge. I, well I mean the people we’re going to help, will love the 60” television with surround sound, that I, excuse me, I mean, they, won’t even have to pay for!” Kaelin said.