Heirs of the Perisphere

STARFLEET ORDERS

[Due to a past “incident” involving the USS Enterprise and the Romulan Empire, we have successfully acquired an intact Romulan cloaking device for further research.

As per usual, we have chosen the USS Bretagne for extended study of this device. Enterprise Science Officer Lt. Deirdre Watley [001] will be assigned to supervise installation and operation aboard the Bretagne.

While cloaked, you are to travel along the outer edge of the SOL system in order to test a newly developed passive sensor net designed to beat the cloaking device. This new countermeasure is nicknamed “The Romulan Buster.”

Other Federation ships will be in your area in an attempt to locate you. Your entire crew should be informed of this exercise as soon as possible.]

SEQUENTIAL ORDER OF EVENTS:

TEASER

1. The Bretagne will rendezvous with the USS Lexington, under Cdre Wesley, who beams aboard for a quarterly evaluation.

- He will thank Harper for covering for the Lexington’s assignments while they underwent repairs after the disaster with M-5.

- While the P.A.C.T.S. experiment and the incident on Favos IV deserved commendation, some higher-ups at Starfleet were upset that a higher-ranking member didn’t supervise the mission to Genovia. It seems they don’t appreciate Wesley not having more personal involvement in his own missions; handing them over to subordinates, even though he has every right to do so. “That’s why I asked Captain Spiak to personally recommend your First Officer. You were always in good hands.” =)

- Cdre Wesley tells Harper he plans to retire very soon, “to Mantilles, of all places. I like it there. Maybe I’ll even get into local politics or something. I’ll. . .say hello to your Dad if you want.” He warns Harper that whoever takes his place will try to remove him from command, “Max, let me tell you a little story. When I was a kid, my Dad wanted me to learn how to swim. So he woke me up early, drove us out to the club, and took me to their swimming pool. I stood next to my father alone there at the edge of the pool, looking at the water. It was a peaceful moment. My Dad said to me, ‘Bobby, hold your breath,’ and then he threw me in 9 feet of water. That’s how I learned to swim. It worked for me, it worked for my daughter Katie, and I see it worked for you as well. But Admiral Komack, well. . .let’s just say The Old Man has taken a personal interest. He never approved of my methods, and he doesn’t like you swimming in his pool.”

- Afterwards, Wesley will return to his ship to begin the exercise.

• 1. Lt. Watley [001] is on the way to the engine room to meet with Chief Engineer Schrödinger. She will report that the cloaking device has been installed as per Enterprise specs, and is ready to activate.

1. When the crew of the Bretagne attempts to utilize the cloak, everyone blacks out (maybe a cut-scene in the engine room is in order).

1. The crew wakes up from their blackout. Crew will note the following (HANDOUTS):

- The bridge is powered down/static (no visuals, communications, lights, or sensors) and everything needs to be reactivated. If viewscreen is requested, give visual [002], then do suspenseful music and begin opening credits.

*SFX* Opening theme to Star Trek, minus Shatner’s voice.

INTRODUCTION AND NARRATIVE [Matt]: "Space. . .the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Bretagne. Its standing orders: To maintain off-world peace. To expand science, and test out new innovations. To render aid where all men have gone before!"

- [003] TITLE CARD: “HEIRS OF THE PERISPHERE.” The USS Bretagne has been in perpetual motion in space for nearly 2 days while cloaked, yet still undetected. Passive sensors do not record ever being scanned. In fact, active sensors register no sign of any Federation vessels at all.

- Records indicate that Bretagne was pulled into a temporal rift, and then thrown back into the SOL system on a sublight collision course with the Earth. Navigation must regain control of the ship, presumably towards Earth.

- Acting Chief Engineer Galia reports the following to the Captain: “The temporal rift was caused by activating the cloaking device. Despite all appearances to the contrary, the Bretagne’s new defense field was incompatible with the Romulan technology. The cloak generated a high-powered feedback though ship’s power; causing permanent damage to the dilithium crystal converter assembly. The assembly cannot be repaired. It must be replaced, and can only be refabricated using an industrial replicator. . .like the kind found on a Federation starbase”.

- Communications is working perfectly, yet there is no subspace traffic being received. Only static. Epsilon IX isn’t responding either. There are no Federation relay stations to bounce signals off of. Other channels are working, but all signals are on open frequency. . .and in Romulan.

1. The Bretagne finds itself in an alternate reality. (HANDOUT) The navigational charts show the crew to be in the correct time, but Earth itself appears very different [004]. Space communications traffic indicates this entire sector was annexed by the Romulan Star Empire over a century ago. Earth itself appears almost dead, with vast expanses of desert all around. There is wild vegetation [005a, 005b] located in the major cities, almost as if nature is taking civilization back. The planet has never advanced beyond the early 1990s

1. Life on the planet is very sparse (HANDOUT), with very little signs of civilized technology whatsoever; nothing above simple combustion engines. However, navigational sensors detect a few small satellites in decayed orbit; most of them ionized or ready to burn up.

1. One of these satellites (HOOSAT) is still somewhat functional [006]. It runs on a form of C band microwave transmission/Direct Sequence Spread Spectrum (memory test will recall, “I believe it was called ‘Wi-Fi’), and can only talk with other computers. HOOSAT can upload what remains of its memory into the Bretagne’s library banks.

1. Communications will also discover that HOOSAT is not only communicating with the Bretagne, but also with a receiver on the Earth’s surface, located in what used to be Southern Oregon. Sensors indicate no life on that end, but rather 3 small energy readings. . .now slowly moving North. It would appear that HOOSAT activated them and then beamed the same information to them that it gave the Bretagne’s computer. HOOSAT then proceeds to burn up in Earth’s atmosphere.

1. With all the Romulan space traffic, beaming down is very risky. Sensors indicate a small solar flare approaching the planet in the next 20 minutes, which can mask a transporter signature nicely. Cdr. Schrödinger can give Harper a small window of opportunity for a landing party. After that point, it is suspected that passive sensors on the nearby Romulan space station will attract notice.

1. Before transporting to Earth’s surface, sensors will indicate dozens of life signs now following the energy signatures. Upon beaming down, the landing party will encounter ,

1. At the end of the episode, on arrival in their original reality, the crew of the Bretagne will note that X months have gone by since they left, and the year is now 2269. Each player will have an special “solo” encounter related to their individual character while their duty status is reinstated.

NEW NPCs

MIK, GUF, & DON – Android replicas of Mickey Mouse, Goofy, and Donald Duck. Same abilities as the character by Howard Waldrop.

If asked, MIK, GUF, and DON will state they originated in Southern California after a lightning storm, and decided to head North. Their goal is to find out what happened to the amusement park and locate the guests to fulfill their programming. The last lead given to them by HOOSAT before it burned out was called The Archive, which they guess is a library or database of sorts. They have walked a very long way across the desert, and are now less than 2 km to their goal. They are currenty within sight of a 400 acre orchard. The rusty sign lying in the bushes reads, “Welcome to Junior’s Farm, Southern Oregon’s largest tree orchard!” A totem has been recently carved and posted at the entrance, depicting a thunderbird (colored red, yellow, and blue), a mouse, a duck, and a dog. On top of the thunderbird’s head is an arrow adorned with feathers. The orchard is owned and guarded by the “Latgawa-Modoc Nation.”

Lt. Dierdre Watley – Science Officer assigned to assist with cloak installation and data recovery.

HOOSAT – or “Hemispheric Orbital Observation Satellite.” An old government military intel satellite. Low level AI. Can only talk to other computers.

THE SUBHUMANS – A race of prehistoric-level savages. They are quite violent and travel en masse to bring down prey. No one knows where they originated. They are possibly a primal mass of post-apocalyptic mutants, or a genetic engineering experiment gone wild.

FORD MUSTANG – A post-apocalyptic Native American warrior. Looks like Daniel Day Lewis. He is a 3^rd generation half-Augment and a warrior of his tribe, a mixture of Klamath and Modoc. Sees the Archive as sacred ground, and is assigned to guard it. He calls the Archive “The burial place of his ancestors, and the sacred birthplace of his grandfather.” Believes the year is 2088. Mistakenly believes Captain Harper to be the legendary “Captain Walker” foretold to deliver them all. His wife’s name is Mercedes.

LOCATIONS

THE ARCHIVE – A huge research/lab facility owned by T.G.I. (Tyrell-Gattaca Incorporated). The ground floor contained a wealth of computer data that was wiped out in the EMP of the nuclear war. The floor below it is dubbed “The Creche.” It looks like the inside of a hospital. The Creche is a laboratory of some kind, probably a genetic hatchery/nursery of sorts. One elevator is still operational.

Far below the archive is a vast underground launch base that houses a fully functional Sikorsky MH-53 Pave Low helicopter, as well as a DY-100 Class sleeper ship, still in launch position under a pair of bay doors. It is dubbed the “SS Deliverance.” Its external hatch appears to have been open for some time. The interior reveals some hibernation pods intact; some empty. All the augments within are long-dead, but some are missing. The power plant to the entire facility is inert, but can be activated through an external power source or “jump.”

The alternate history is revealed here as follows.

- According to this timeline, the Eugenics Wars were averted by Khan, who managed to somehow unite the Augment rulers under himself as Emperor, creating The Union of Augment Republics (or “U.A.R.”). The American press dubbed it as “The Kahnsortium.”

- The United States elected George H.W. Bush for a second term, and a bill was subsequently passed banning all superhuman genetic research on U.S. soil.

- Congress declared war on the U.A.R. in 1995. Total nuclear annihilation of all civilization on Earth was the direct result.

- T.G.I. was once a vast international genetics research firm. They specialized in cybernetics, artificial intelligence, and Augment production. T.G.I. was also one of many “hidden in plain sight” corporate fronts that supported Emperor Khan overseas. Though this branch of T.G.I. had been shut down by Federal Agents, they never discovered their secret project hidden far beneath the facility. The S.S. Deliverance, a DY-100 sleeper ship was being outfitted for launch as a U.A.R. contingency plan. Hibernating Augment refugees/escaped POWs would be launched into space at the 1^st sign of nuclear attack. But something went wrong. The S.S. Deliverance was never launched, but rather kept its crew in stasis for 180 years until the ship’s systems began to fail. The few Augments who survived made their way out of the facility, and began a new life on the post-apocalyptic Earth. Many of them mated with the surviving Native Americans; creating superstitious legends around themselves, such as the messianic “Flight Captain G.L. Walker.”

THE FACTORY – A below-ground complex located in Southern California, near a destroyed amusement park. A vast industrial replicator of sorts, housed within a much larger facility of some kind. The Factory creates automatons and machine parts technology of nearly any type. . .all it needs are the blueprints/specifications.

HANDOUTS:

THE BRETAGNE HAS BEEN IN PERPETUAL MOTION IN SPACE FOR NEARLY FORTY-EIGHT HOURS WHILE CLOAKED, YET REMAINS UNDETECTED. THE SHIP IS OUT OF CONTROL, AND APPROACHING EARTH AT SUBLIGHT SPEED. MULTIPLE UNIDENTIFIED VESSELS AHEAD.

PASSIVE SENSORS SHOW NO RECORD OF THE SHIP EVER BEING SCANNED. IN FACT, ACTIVE SENSORS REGISTER NO SIGN IN THIS SECTOR OF ANY FEDERATION VESSELS WHATSOEVER.

COMMUNICATION RELAYS ARE FUNCTIONING PERFECTLY, YET THERE IS NO SUBSPACE TRAFFIC BEING RECEIVED. JUST. . .STATIC ON ALL FEDERATION CHANNELS. EPSILON NINE ISN’T RESPONDING EITHER. THERE ARE NO FEDERATION RELAY STATIONS RESPONDING. OTHER CHANNELS ARE WORKING, BUT ALL SIGNALS ARE ON OPEN FREQUENCY. . .AND IN ROMULAN.

DAMAGE REPORTS ARE COMING IN FROM ALL OVER THE SHIP:

- MINOR STRUCTURAL DAMAGE ON DECK THREE AT THE STARBOARD SIDE, BOTH FORE AND AFT SECTIONS.

- NO POWER TO WARP DRIVE. MINIMAL IMPULSE.

- CLOAKING DEVICE STILL FULLY FUNCTIONAL.

- ALL OTHER SYSTEMS FULLY FUNCTIONAL.

- ENGINEERING SECTION REPORTS TWO CASUALTIES. CHIEF ENGINEER SCHRODINGER LISTED AS SERIOUSLY INJURED. LT. DEIRDRE WATLEY IS REPORTED DEAD.

COURSE INDICATES THAT THE BRETAGNE MAY HAVE BEEN PULLED INTO A TEMPORAL RIFT, AND THEN THROWN INTO THE SOLAR SYSTEM ON A SUBLIGHT COLLISION COURSE WITH THE EARTH. STAR CHARTS CORRESPOND WITH THE CORRECT TIME AND DATE.

PLANETARY SENSORS SHOW THIS TO BE THE “TERRA” OF THE SOL SYSTEM, YET THE EARTH ITSELF APPEARS. . .DEAD; REGISTERING NO SIGNS OF CIVILIZATION.

SENSORS REGISTER VAST CONTINENTAL EXPANSES OF DESERT WORLDWIDE. THERE IS EMERGENT WILD VEGETATION LOCATED IN THE RUINS OF MOST MAJOR CITIES. IT IS ALMOST AS IF NATURE IS SLOWLY TAKING CIVILIZATION BACK.

THE PLANET APPEARS TO HAVE NEVER TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED BEYOND THE MID-1990s.

NAVIGATIONAL SENSORS DETECT A FEW SMALL SATELLITES IN DECAYED ORBIT; MOST OF THEM IONIZED OR READY TO BURN UP. ONE OF THEM APPEARS STILL FUNCTIONAL.

COMMUNICATIONS: THE SATELLITE IDENTIFIES ITSELF AS “HEMISPHERICAL ORBITAL OBSERVATION SATELLITE,” OR “HOOSAT.” IT BELONGS TO THE DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE. HOOSAT COMMUNICATES ALONG A C-BAND MICROWAVE TRANSMISSION/DIRECT SEQUENCE SPREAD SPECTRUM SIGNAL, AND IT CAN ONLY TALK WITH OTHER COMPUTERS.

COMMUNICATIONS: HOOSAT IS NOT ONLY COMMUNICATING WITH THE BRETAGNE, BUT ALSO WITH SOME SORT OF MOBILE RECEIVER ON THE EARTH’S SURFACE, LOCATED NEAR THE BORDER OF WHAT USED TO BE NORTHERN CALIFORNIA.

SENSORS INDICATE NO LIFE ON THE RECEIVING END OF HOOSAT’S SIGNAL, BUT INSTEAD THREE SMALL ENERGY READINGS. . .NOW SLOWLY MOVING NORTH TOWARD OREGON. IT WOULD APPEAR THAT HOOSAT ACTIVATED ALL THREE AND THEN BEAMED THE SAME INFORMATION TO THEM THAT IT GAVE THE BRETAGNE’S COMPUTER.

HOOSAT HAS JUST BEEN LOST DUE TO ORBITAL DECAY. IT HAS PROCEEDED BURN UP ON RE-ENTRY. SENSORS ALSO DETECT A SMALL SOLAR FLARE APPROACHING.

NARRATOR'S ADDENDUM #1 <- This can be heavily abbreviated.

The Night Vision of Harper and T’Val (an aside)

Maxwell's sleep in the cave is rather fitful; interrupted by strange dreams.

One is particularly detailed. Probably the most vivid dream he's ever had.

You find yourself sitting in a lodge of some kind, among a tribe of peaceful Native Americans living in the wilderness. It is night. Surplus hand-crank lanterns light the dirt floor around you.

You are surrounded by tribal memorial poles*, creating odd shadows on the wall. The one near you is made from the branch of a pear tree (you don't know how you know this). The pole has a pair of worn Chuck Taylor All-Stars and a Mickey Mouse doll hanging from it. There is some esoteric meaning to it all.

Everyone's clothing is anachronistic. A hodge-podge mixture of tanned hides and patchwork-manufactured dress from a long time ago. The only shared similarity are the many beads and feathers worn by all.

In front of the group, there is an old man with long gray hair, sitting in a leather Barcalounger. He wears an elaborate headdress, like that of a chief, along with a green Oregon State University sweatshirt. There is a large native blanket hanging behind him.

Everyone sits before the elder in silence. From far away, you hear a coyote howling.

One carries a large plastic bucket turned upside-down, and he begins to beat it as a drum. This appears to be a religious ceremony of some kind. . .very much like that of a cargo cult. A young warrior gets up holding a wooden picture frame spliced to the end of a pole. He holds the frame against paintings on the wall; narrating in a strange language. You seem to know they call it "The Tell." Children sitting in the front row steadily follow him with Eveready flashlights.

The Elder-Chief directs the movement from scene-to-scene by pointing at the pole-bearer with a Sony universal remote, "Click!" His voice is weak, yet still carries authority.

The narrator holds the frame against a tattered wall-map of the U.A.R.-- chanting the ceremony they call The Tell.

"Click!"

The narrator moves the frame--now highlighting a great war of some kind, fought with conventional automatic weapons. The artistic detail is rather impressive. "The few" versus "the many." The "few" are beautiful and mighty, wearing jumpsuits and long hair. The "many" are dressed like the United States Army, circa 1990s.

"Click!"

The Few are slowly overwhelmed by The Many and are finally defeated. The few survivors are taken prisoner; mostly women and small children.

"Click!"

But The Few are too clever for The Many. . .and escape.

"Click!"

They flee Eastward, now thin and shivering.

"Click!"

The next painting depicts a scarred man with a flight helmet, smiling and proud. Several other assorted men, as well as what appear to be robots, are standing behind the man as if they served him. The escaped Few appear to be pleading with the man.

The group begins to chant in a rehearsed monotone.

"CAPTAIN JACK WALKER OF TEE-GEE-EYE."

"HELP US WALKER!"

"I AM HERE TO HELP." HE SAYS. "YOURS IS THE SUPERIOR. I WILL FLY YOU TO HEAVEN."

"Click!"

A record begins to play Frank Sinatra's "Fly Me To The Moon." The scene changes to another map on the wall, clearly the West Coast of the United States.

Chanting: "WELCOME TO TEE-GEE-EYE!

The Elder smiles and nods his head back and forth to the music. He is distracted; no longer paying attention to his ceremonial duties. The scene changes anyway, just as it has for generations.

The next painting shows friendly robots tucking The Few into bed. The "beds" look like they slide in and out of walls, like rectangular cocoons. You can clearly see others already sleeping soundly within the walls, as if it were Christmas Eve or something. The man with the flight helmet is walking away, smiling and waving. Some haven't gone to sleep yet, too excited with anticipation.

"DOMO ARIGATO, MR. ROBOTO!"

"SLEEP, LAUNCH, THEN WAKE UP IN HEAVEN."

"THANK YOU CAPTAIN WALKER!"

"I WILL BE THERE TO WAKE YOU UP."

"THANK YOU SO MUCH!"

"SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE."

"TEN-NINE-EIGHT-SEVEN-SIX-FIVE-FOUR-THREE-TWO--

*suddenly, the record is loudly interrupted as the stereo needle is pulled across it*

Dead silence. The next painting shows the same scene as above, only some awakening from their cocoons-in-the-wall and leaving the rest behind. They appear confused and all alone, with little question marks over their heads.

"WALKER? CAPTAIN WALKER, WHERE ARE YOU?"

The Elder fumbles around the cushions a bit, looking for the remote--

"Click!"

The awakened Few crawl out of a hole in the ground, and out into the sunlight. They are greeted by a Native American Indian.

"YOU SLEPT THROUGH THE POX-ECLIPSE. COME, WE NEED EACH OTHER."

"WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO WALKER."

"WE DON'T NEED THE KNOWING, WE CAN LIVE HERE."

The narrator reverently puts the pole down and turns to a hand-made calendar on the wall. The date reads, "MAY 2088." He chalks a hashmark on another square.

"TIME COUNTS AND KEEPS COUNTING."

You look over to the Barcalounge again and it is suddenly empty. The wall behind it is bare. The lodge is the same, but the dream has changed. This appears to be a funeral of some kind. The tribe has gathered around the chair; placing flowers upon it. The children have grown quite a bit. You notice your crewmates are there with you, watching from a distance.

Someone taps you on the shoulder. You turn to see who is behind you.

It is the Elder.

He stands there wrapped in the heavy blanket. He is smiling at you. He appears to know you well, "Captain, we have waited so long for you. I am relieved to see our deliverance has finally come. Now I can rest in peace."

He walks out the door of the lodge.

. . .

You wake up.

SEQUENTIAL ORDER OF EVENTS (for 2^nd session):

1. Captain Harper slowly wakes up, lying on the floor of the cave. The side of his face feels numb. As he opens his eyes, the first thing he sees is T’Val—looming above him. She is uncomfortably close, her fingers splayed across his face. She stares at him intently, but looking right through him--as if in some kind of trance. T’Val suddenly comes to her senses; wondering what’s going on.

1. The landing party will be attacked during the pre-dawn darkness. MIK and GUF notify Lt. Velez he is tracking over a dozen man-sized objects, possibly more. MIK’s eyebrows raise, “Ha-ha, maybe they’re lost?” GUF wonders, “Maybe we should call security?”

1. Velez will be killed during the fight with the sub-humans. Risk of serious injury is wide-open for the players overall. Monitor injury status closely, and then have help arrive at the last possible minute.

1. Ford Mustang (see full description below) will rescue them, accompanied by his sister. PCs will have no idea how Mustang’s tribe knew they were there. As soon as the fight is over, the Indians will bow in reverential awe of Captain Harper and “his sacred totems.”

1. Mustang will rush the PCs to his nearby vehicle, a modified Jeep CJ-7. His sister drives a Chevy pickup. They will attempt to take the party to their tribe, who currently live in an old Orrco oil-recycling plant. They have converted it into a fortress, as well as a small refinery. They convert junk cars to hunt the buffalo, and to defend themselves from the sub-humans, “which are everywhere,” according to Ford. Mercedes will add, “More every season, at least 10 of them for every one of us.”

1. However, their tribal elder died recently and they’re beginning to feel the effects of the loss of leadership. The crew will realize this is a textbook example of a post-apocalyptic imbalance, or what would happen when the Prime Directive is violated. They’re running out of used oil to recycle, but don’t know any other way to survive. They’re also running out of replacement machine parts. They have been living a kind of 20^th century technological level which cannot be realistically maintained. They must be “weaned off” of technology to survive.

1. There is another problem. While the tribe is incredibly hardy (and strong) for human beings, the children are showing signs of disease. When Nurse McMurphy looks into it, she will find a vitamin deficiency (thiamine/B1). She will also note that generationally, the tribe is making a genetic “swing” back from superhuman to human, and must learn to adapt accordingly if they are to survive. She likens it to colonial Jamestown, “by the time winter rolls around.”

1. Information gleaned from talking with other tribal members would imply the sub-humans are evolving as well; learning to adapt by creating better weapons. Recently, they’ve learned to build roadblocks as precursor to an ambush; cutting off Modoc supply lines.

1. The Pave-Low requires JP-5 jet fuel for flight. The amount in the tank is too degraded for use. However, Fuel Oil #5 can be converted to JP-5.

1. When the crew is finally ready to beam up, they encounter a white buffalo. He stares at them for a moment, and then turns back to the valley below to rejoin the herd.

*FORD MUSTANG – A post-apocalyptic Native American warrior. He is mute. Looks like Daniel Day Lewis. He is a 3^rd generation half-Augment and a warrior of his tribe, a mixture of Klamath and Modoc. Ford is official guardian of The T.G.I. Archive, which is regarded as their sacred birth and burial ground, “The burial place of his ancestors, and the sacred birthplace of his grandfather.” Believes the year is 2088. Mistakenly believes Captain Harper to be the legendary “Captain Walker” foretold to deliver them all.

Ford serves as tribal mystic. He is one of the few in his tribe genetically gifted with psychic power. He can “send” thoughts and emotions, but cannot receive. Ford’s sister Mercedes is gifted with the ability to receive thoughts and emotions, but cannot send. It was she who sensed the crew’s arrival.

Other members of the tribe include the following:

- Steven Mercury Sable, a cousin.

- Elmo John Deere, another cousin

- Sarah Plymouth Sundance, an older woman.

- The Kenworths.

All of whom are very respectful and deferential to the Captain and his crew. As a gift, they offer Harper a Black V8 Supercharged 1973 Ford Falcon XB GT Coupe.

NARRATOR'S ADDENDUM #2 <- This also can be heavily abbreviated.

HEIRS OF THE PERISPHERE: PART FOUR, SESSION THREE

*CUT SCENE A*

EXT. OUTSIDE FRONT DOOR OF ORCHARD OFFICE

*DON and Lt. Caesar Velez stroll around the office together like a couple of old friends.*

Lt. Velez (patrolling the courtyard near the doorway): So, after I won the Columbian Middleweight title, I got out of boxing & decided to finish up where I left off at the Academy.

DON: *nods while making an emphatic ‘And how!’ motion of swinging his fist*

Lt. Velez: But I tell ya, I love this job. An’ it’s not about knocking people around.

DON: *shaking head in agreement*

Lt. Velez: No offense or nothin’, but an android just can’t do this. You gotta anticipate the unexpected. An’ you gotta make sure the space you’re ordered to secure stays exactly the way the last guy left it.

DON: *reassuring pat on the back*

Lt. Velez (grabs tricorder pouch, but hesitates going to all the trouble of breaking out the equipment): Hey DON, what are your sensors detecting?

DON (shrugs): What sensows? Dey bwoke when ah banged mah head!

Lt. Velez: Huh?

*Closeup on DON tapping the side of his head several times to emphasize his point. While he does this, several sub-humans suddenly come into focus in the background behind him.*

Lt. Velez: HEY!

DON (confused): WAK?

SFX: Phasers and fight music.

<END SCENE>

*CUT SCENE B*

INT. BRIDGE OF USS BRETAGNE

Lt. Bianchi (at the conn turning in the captain’s chair to address science station): Status on Romulan Assault wing.

Ensign West: Scanning sir. I count five Birds of Prey and one D7 class command vessel converging on our position. They have split up and are approaching us from both sides of the planet.

Lt. Bianchi: Che cazzo!!! We’re just orbiting here!

Lt. Caldwell: Sir, communication traffic is heavy. It is difficult to sort out. I’m certain they’ve mentioned “us” at least in passing, but we’re not the only thing they’re chattering about.

Lt. Bianchi (visibly stressed): Continue monitoring. Maintain communication silence.

Lt. Caldwell: *Rolls his eyes at the obviousness of that last order.*

Lt. JG Hansen: Sir, should we consider breaking orbit?

Lt. Bianchi: Uhh, no. Hold position as per Captain Harper’s orders.

Yeoman Hepzibah (pouty, le sigh): Ze Captain has been away for days!

Ch’od: Two days, six hours, and (checks panel) nineteen minutes.

[Entire crew just stares at him]

Ch’od (shrugs): If the Vulcan isn’t here to do it, who will?

Lt. Bianchi: Relax gang. Harper’s onto something. Fuggetaboutit.

[chair console beeps]

Lt. Bianchi: Bianchi here

Dr. Warrix: This is Dr. Warrix just letting you know that Chief Engineer Schrödinger has made a full recovery and is ready to return to his duties.

Lt. Bianchi: Music to my ears. Tell that cat to get up to the bridge bada-bing.

[turbolift doors open. Chief Engineer Schrödinger arrives, his fur is visibly singed]

Lt. Bianchi: Am I glad to see you.

Chief Engineer Schrödinger (talk w/lips out, Chume-style): Thank you Mr. Bianchi. Take the helm. [While settling into the chair, he listens intently as Mr. West updates him on the situation.]

Ensign West [tense]: They’re flanking us and in bracketing range.

Chief Engineer Schrödinger [expressionless; tail twitching]: Maintain minimal aspect, Mr. Bianchi.

Lt. Bianchi: They’re in attack position -- but they’re just. . .sitting there.

Yeoman Hepzibah: Do zey see us? [Furrowing her eyebrows] Why do we see zem?

Chief Engineer Schrödinger [resting his chin on his paws]: I think they’re still trying to root us out.

Lt. Caldwell: They’re arguing about something sir. They can’t decide if we’re an unresponsive Romulan vessel in distress, a planetary anomaly messing with their sensors, or. . .

Chief Engineer Schrödinger [ears prick up; curious]: . . .or a Klingon spy?

Lt. Caldwell: Yes, exactly. How’d you know sir?

Chief Engineer Schrödinger [self-satisfied smile]: Lucky guess. Well that, and the fact that we’re sending out a different resonance trail.

Lt. Bianchi [puzzled]: But we have a Romulan cloak just like theirs!

Chief Engineer Schrödinger [shaking finger/claw in correction]: One constantly re-engineered and upgraded under the scrutiny of Federation starships, *purr.*

Lt. Caldwell [Concentrating on comm-unit]: They’re arguing among themselves. If I have this right, their command ship has concluded that since we’re not behaving like Klingons, we’re non-priority, and delaying their planned counterattack on the Klingon Empire. This system, including Earth, is just a waypoint along the way to their destination.

Chief Engineer Schrödinger: Their orders?

Lt. Caldwell [pause]: “Enough bickering! All attack groups, converge on Praxis system, maximum speed. . .leave one sentry vessel to maintain guard.” Apparently, this area of space isn’t a key objective for either side. Their starbase is for resupply and repair only.

Chief Engineer Schrödinger: Now all we have to do is wait for the landing party.