I Need a Raise

Dumbledore, I don’t make enough

And I clearly need a raise

This job is thankless and really tough

And the budget you wouldn’t faze

I have to be

In the library

Until it’s way too late

The students here

Don’t hold books dear

And they fill me with hate

I really find it hard

To give a library card

To students that I know will abuse them

And for goodness sake

There are books you shouldn’t take

Out of the library after you peruse them

If I find another note

That a bored student wrote

In ink that I can’t erase

I’ll get real mean

And make him clean

Every desk in this damn place!

Dumbledore, I don’t make enough

And I clearly need a raise

This job is thankless and really tough

And the budget you wouldn’t faze

I really hate dealing

With the screaming and squealing

That always follows Viktor Krum

His fans are crazed

But he sat and gazed

At Hermione and looked kinda dumb

One day I was prowling

I saw Potter befouling

An old advanced potions book

I began to shout

And chased him out

Giving him a parting dirty look

My patience gets tested

When I get molested

By that creepy caretaker

Dunno what McGonagall thinks

When she gives me knowing winks

As she’s playing Matchmaker

Dumbledore, I don’t make enough

And I clearly need a raise

This job is thankless and really tough

And the budget you wouldn’t faze

So I do say

I need more pay

As a small compensation

Every day I stick around

My head begins to pound

From constant irritation

I have to bust

My ass to dust

Every single ancient tome

All I have to live

Are the Galleons you give

So give me more or I’ll go home!