Fathering Matters
09 April 2010
Fathers As Coach “A useful paradigm for parenting Teens” (10)
One of the greatest struggles a teenager face is that of self esteem. What others think of them is very important. Often, they don’t feel good about themselves and lack confidence. As fathers, we have the opportunities to coach our teens to build confidence and boost their self-esteem. I shall focus the next few articles on how fathers can achieve this.
When your teenager has an aspiration but not the motivation to realize it, it would be helpful as a coach to ask questions geared towards building their confidence to realise the aspiration. Your role is not to tell them specifically how to achieve their aspiration but to guide them in the direction of achieving success in their own way.
For your teen to achieve his/her aspiration, he/she must:
1) have a clear goal
2) see the benefits of their goal
3) believe they can achieve the goal
4) see progress along the way
5) be aware of and be prepared to deal with any setbacks encountered along the way.
As a coach, our task is to set them on the right path with questions such as:
a. What are your best hopes? (general goals)
b. Can you be more specific in terms of what you want to accomplish? (clear goal)
c. How will achieving this goal be good for you? How will this be good for others? (benefits)
d. What gives you confidence that you will succeed? (believing)
e. What similar goals have you accomplished in the past? (past success)
f. What have you already accomplished towards this particular goal? (progress)
g. What next small steps can you take towards this goal? (progress)
h. How will you celebrate when you achieve this goal?
Apart from asking good questions, I will share with you a useful tool that can help your teen make small steps towards their goal in the next episode.
Meanwhile, may you, fathers, hone your skills of asking great questions as coaches!
Edwin Choy
Co-founder & Director, Centre for Fathering
Certified Solution Focus Therapist
This article was first broadcast on 'Parenting Today' on 938Live, a station of MediaCorp Radio".
Edwin would like to hear your personal experiences in coaching your teens to help him improve his training workshop for fathers on coaching. Please email him atedwin@father.com.sg
Reflection pointers for fathers ...
1. What helped you overcome your insecurities as a teenager? Do you see it effective in your
teenager’s life?
2. When was the last time your children share with you their dreams and aspirations?
Action pointers for fathers ...
Make a list if errands that you need to run this weekend. Take your child along with you. Make him/her “help” Daddy get these things done by today. In the process you can exemplify the correct way to do things through your actions.
What's happening at CFF ...
1. Father-Teen Trekking Expedition – May 27 - 31, 2010
Embark on an exciting trekking expedition amongst the mountains of Cameron Highlands. The Father-child pair will take on Bukit Irau and find a time of mutual encouragement and a priceless bonding moment. The element of an adventure with one another will be a shared experience of a lifetime. Please call CFF for further details: 62528408.
This is a partnership with YMCA of Singapore, supported by Council for Third Age & MCYS.
2. Father-Child Bonding Camp - June 4 - 5, 2010
Our June Camp is open for registration now. Encounter the bonding experience of a lifetime to build a strong connection and relationship with your child. http://www.fatheringmatters.com/dpl/node/25
3. Eat With Your Family Day 2010
This year EWYFD will be launched on 27th May 2010. We have prepared a line up of programs and highlights to make this an enriching experience for everyone who participates. Make it a point to eat with your loved ones on that day and let that be an impetus to spur you to make family meal an important appointment on a regular basis.
Further details will be released to you soon.
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