Fathering Matters
23 April 2010
Fathers As Coach – A useful paradigm for parenting Teens (12)
I have mentioned that teenagers struggle with self-esteem. We all do. Part of what builds confidence in us is the constant affirmation that we are doing well. Unfortunately, as parents we don’t always understand the importance of affirmation for our children.
Words are so important. What we say to our teens affect how they feel about themselves, which will determine how they act. To coach our teens for success, we must learn to use our words to build up our teenagers and not tear them down. One important way to affirm our teens is to compliment them when they do something right.
In the Asian culture, we tend to withhold compliments lest our children become proud. But we need to compliment and affirm our teens to help them develop a sense of self worth.
One way to compliment our teens is to keenly observe them and praise them when they are doing well. As coach, we may be quicker to notice the faults in our children and in highlighting them, we demoralize our teens. It is far more helpful to focus on what our teenagers have done well and compliment them as this will motivate them. When you notice your teenager doing well, point it out. Here are some expressions you can use to compliment them:
a. “Wow! I’m so impressed.”
b. “That’s not easy.”
c. “How did you do that?”
The first statement (a) lets your teen know you noticed the good thing he has done. The second statement (b) declares the difficulty of the task and the third (c) is an encouragement to let your teen shares what you as coach do not know. They look like simple statements but they are very effective in affirming and empowering our teens. Say these from your heart to your teens and watch your teenagers glow and grow!
Edwin Choy
Co-founder & Director, Centre for Fathering
Certified Solution Focus Therapist
This article was first broadcast on 'Parenting Today' on 938Live, a station of MediaCorp Radio".
Edwin would like to hear your personal experiences in coaching your teens to help him improve his training workshop for fathers on coaching. Please email him at edwin@fathers.com.sg
Reflection pointers for fathers ...
1. Do you remember a time when you were praised for a piece of good work? How did you feel? Do you want your child to experience that?
2. Affirmation lets your child know that you are attentive and observant about what they do.
Action pointers for fathers ...
There are many interesting movies in the cinema recently. Find out which movie your child is yearning to watch and treat him/her to it. Don’t forget the popcorn and drinks.
What's happening at CFF ...
1. Father-Child Bonding Camp - June 4 - 5, 2010
Our June Camp is open for registration now. Encounter the bonding experience of a lifetime to build a strong connection and relationship with your child. http://www.fatheringmatters.com/dpl/node/25
2. Eat With Your Family Day 2010
This year EWYFD will be launched on 27th May 2010. We have prepared a line up of programs and highlights to make this an enriching experience for everyone who participates. Make it a point to eat with your loved ones on that day and let that be an impetus to spur you to make family meals an important appointment on a regular basis.
Visit our webpage regularly for updates http://www.fatheringmatters.com/sg/ewyfd2010
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