Fathering Matters
16 April 2010
Fathers As Coach “ A useful paradigm for parenting Teens” (11)
Today I shall share one simple but very useful tool in motivating our teens to success. I began this series by sharing the importance of our perception of our youth. If we see only their mistakes, they will be failures in our eyes. If we view them as people with potential no matter where they are in life, our optimism will inspire them for success.
Unfortunately we tend to rate our teens in absolute “they are either successes or failures”. We often miss the progress they have made - especially so when it is small and “not noticeable”.
One positive way to motivate our teens is to rate their progress on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the perfect future when the task is accomplished and 1 a small step at the starting point. When your teen comes to you with anxieties about a challenge or task ahead, you could ask him/her to rate himself on the progress scale.
It doesn’t matter where your teen places himself as long as he makes progress along the way. Your focus, as a coach, then is to help him progress along the scale. The emphasis should not be on what he or she has yet to accomplish.
To focus on progress, you can ask your teen what he has achieved thus far for his rating, say 4. Your role, as a coach, is to flesh out as many things as possible that your teen has done right to be at 4. In other words, you help your teen to see the progress he has made so as to motivate him. Focusing on progress inspires. Focusing on deficit discourages.
When your teen has seen the progress he is making, you proceed to lead him/her to create or visualize the next few small steps he needs to take to make further progress. One simple way to do this is to ask your teen what he thinks he/she needs to do to move to 4.5 (the next small step.) It is the small steps, when noticed, that motivates a teen towards success. Not the giant steps!
Edwin Choy
Co-founder & Director, Centre for Fathering
Certified Solution Focus Therapist
This article was first broadcast on 'Parenting Today' on 938Live, a station of MediaCorp Radio".
Edwin would like to hear your personal experiences in coaching your teens to help him improve his training workshop for fathers on coaching. Please email him at edwin@father.com.sg
Reflection pointers for fathers ...
Action pointers for fathers ...
Make little treasure hunt in your home. Place your child’s favourite things and toys in hiding places and create clues. Make it a game.
Buy a helium balloon for your young child, it is always a great gift for them.
What's happening at CFF ...
1. Father-Child Bonding Camp - June 4 - 5, 2010
Our June Camp is open for registration now. Encounter the bonding experience of a lifetime to build a strong connection and relationship with your child. http://www.fatheringmatters.com/dpl/node/25
2. Eat With Your Family Day 2010
This year EWYFD will be launched on 27th May 2010. We have prepared a line up of programs and highlights to make this an enriching experience for everyone who participates. Make it a point to eat with your loved ones on that day and let that be an impetus to spur you to make family meal an important appointment on a regular basis. Further details will be released to you soon.
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