Fathering Matters
07 May 2010
Fathers As Coach – A useful paradigm for parenting Teens (14)
Today I shall share some building blocks for raising confident and resilient teenagers. As coach it is not good enough to be there only when they are in trouble or discouraged. If we are ever going to raise confident and resilient teens, we need to have building blocks for that to happen.
The first building block is appreciation. Our teens need to hear us, as parents, speak appreciatively of them. Let them know what you appreciate about them and commend them for the efforts they made in their endeavours in school and at home. Speak appreciatively of them even in their absence. When teens know that their parents notice what they are doing well, they feel affirmed and will be spurred to do even more.
The second building block is to have fun with your teens. Fun not only creates fond and pleasant memories for your teens but also evokes positive feelings towards the family. By having fun with them, you are letting them know that you enjoy being with them regardless of their abilities.
The third building block is to promote feelings of success. Take into account not only major successes but minor ones as well. In fact, it is the accumulative effect of many small successes that enables your teen to accomplish major ones. So when you pay attention to the minor achievements made by your teens and celebrate with them, you are building their confidence for bigger challenges.
Last but not least, express your care and concern for your teens so that they will feel loved. One of the most important tasks of a father is to raise children who feel loved. Lack of love drives people to seek it in the wrong direction. When teenagers feel loved, they feel secure and rooted in the family. They are assured that they will never be abandoned. Teenagers who feel loved are more likely to be able to show genuine love to others and be able to form healthier relationships in future.
May you have success in putting these building blocks for raising confident and resilient teens!
Edwin Choy
Co-founder & Director, Centre for Fathering
Certified Solution Focus Therapist
This article was first broadcast on 'Parenting Today' on 938Live, a station of MediaCorp Radio".
Edwin would like to hear your personal experiences in coaching your teens to help him improve his training workshop for fathers on coaching. Please email him at edwin@fathers.com.sg
Action pointers for fathers ...
The month long school holidays will begin in about 3 weeks' time (starting May 28). Do plan to do something fun with your family and also spend time with each child on a one-on-one basis. Don’t forget to set aside time for your wife too. Do consider the list of programmes below which we have lined up for you.
What's happening at CFF ...
1. Father-Child Bonding Camp - June 4 - 5, 2010
Our June Camp is open for registration now. Encounter the bonding experience of a lifetime to build a strong connection and relationship with your child. http://www.fatheringmatters.com/dpl/node/25
2. Eat With Your Family Day 2010
This year EWYFD is on 27th May 2010. Visit our webpage regularly for updates http://www.fatheringmatters.com/sg/ewyfd2010
There will be an arts exhibition that features works that are inspired by eating with families. We strongly encourage your support for this exhibition as it depicts family meals from an alternative point of view.
Date: 17 to 31 May 2010
Venue: THE ARTS HOUSE, Print Gallery 1 OLD PARLIAMENT LANE
3. “The Armour of Love” a public talk for married couples
Discover the key elements of building lasting relationships and learn practical tips on how to identify and deal with the major challenges faced by married couples today.
Speaker: Mr Harold Burke-Sivers
Panelists: Mr Adrian Lim Peng, Mr & Mrs Daniel Ee, Ms Juliana Choo, Ms Joanna Koh-Hoe, Mr Wong Suen Kwong, Ms Han Yah Yee & Mr Bernard Yu
Sunday, 23 May 2010; 3.00 p.m. to 6.00 p.m.
DBS Auditorium, Shenton Way
Refer to http://familylife.sg for more information
4. Y Treks: Cameron Highlands - Intergeneration Bonding Series by YMCA
Conducted by YMCA, this is a physically and mentally gruelling eight hour climb to the summit of Gunung Irau (2,110m) from Gunung Brinchang; experience a different side of the Highlands other than strawberry farms and tea plantations.
This trek is suitable for father-teen. Support and encourage one another to preserve to reach the top.
Date: 10 to 14 June 2010
Refer to http://www.ymca.org.sg for more information or call 65862255
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