Fathering Matters
12 Feb 2010
Fathers As Coach “A useful paradigm for parenting Teens” (2)
Last week we addressed the first foundation of being a good coach to our teens “that we are the best parents for them”.
The next foundation of good teen coaching is to view our teens in a way that will nurture their growth.
It is amazing how our different our feelings and reactions to a person can be depending on how we perceive them. There is much truth in the statement by Eliza Doolittle from My Fair Lady - the difference between a flower girl and a princess is not how she acts but how she is treated.
If you harbour negative feelings towards a person from the beginning, that person usually can never be right no matter what he does or says. If you were to remember every wrong that your teen has committed, you will have a burden so heavy that you will not be able to see any good in him/her.
On the other hand, if we learn to see a person such that his/her wonderful qualities outshine the imperfections, we exert a powerful influence in nurturing him/her. Focusing on our teen’s weaknesses and imperfections is likely to worsen a situation. Focusing on the strengths of our teens not only affirms them but also creates new possibilities for resolving difficult situations. Sometimes it is not that things have changed for you and your teens, just that you are now seeing them differently!
Our teens make mistakes. But they have made great decisions too! They may not be talented in some areas but they are gifted in others. They have great resources to draw from in times of need. They have the potential to do far more than we can ever imagine. They are human and alive, therefore, they are worth all your love!
So start the year right with your teens. Tell them that they are special, no matter what happens!
Edwin Choy
Co-founder & Director,
Centre for Fathering
This article was first broadcast on 'Parenting Today' 93.8FM.
Edwin would like to hear your personal experiences in coaching your teens to help him improve his training workshop for fathers on coaching. Please email him at edwin@fathers.com.sg
Reflection pointers for fathers ...
1. Remember some of the major decisions you made when you were a teenager, how did your parents react to you when you let them know about your decisions. Was their reaction helpful?
2. How do you react when your teenage children share with you their thoughts or decisions? Was your reaction one that is consultative or one that is corrective from the start? What is your wife's view on your response.
3. Do you find yourself looking forward to the wonderful things that your child could do, or just weary of the next time he/she messes up.
Action pointers for fathers ...
For all our Chinese readers... Happy Lunar New Year
1. This year, Valentine’s Day coincides with the Chinese New Year. Do not forget to get your wife a gift and celebrate your love for one another.
2. Besides putting money in the ang pao, put in a note of blessings into your children’s red packet.
Next week's Article:
Fathers as coach (3)
What's happening at CFF ...
Centre for Fathering is celebrating our 10th Anniversary this year. We are grateful for your support in our movement and we are looking to expand our reach to meet more people that believe in getting fathers more involved in their children’s life.
CFF has evolved over the years and have found the obvious truth that the majority of fathers are at their workplaces. We are calling our readers to highlight our services, target our website to their contacts or forward this e-mail to them. We will be more than willing to make a trip to your company to present our services if needed.
Father-Child Bonding Camp
Our June Camp is open for registration now. Encounter the bonding experience of a lifetime to build a strong connection and relationship with your child.
http://www.fatheringmatters.com/dpl/node/25
If you find this e-mail helpful, please forward it to others who are interested. To subscribe or unsubscribe Fathering Matters, please send us an email at fatheringmatters@fathers.com.sg or check out our website at www.fathers.com.sg. Thank you.