Fathering Matters
01 April 2010
Fathers As Coach “ A useful paradigm for parenting Teens” (9)
Teenagers live in a state of ambivalence in their lives. Sometimes, teens feel like they are invincible “nothing is impossible”. At other times, they can feel absolutely hopeless “everything is impossible”. Fathers who have good relationships with their teenagers will need to coach them during such days.
When your teens come to you for help, they are confused, discouraged or disoriented by some events in their lives and their focus tends to be only on the problems they face. They are unable to see possibilities in this state. This is a good opportunity to help your teenagers regain clarity in their lives.
The task of a coach is not to take over but to help your teens focus on building solutions. To shift their focus away from problems, ask them “what do you want instead of the problem?” By describing what they want, your teens have a clearer picture of what this new preferred future is for them. The more detailed the new preferred future is, the clearer the picture and, therefore, the greater likelihood of achieving the solutions. Questions that will help fill in the details are: “What difference would it make for you if this new preferred future happens?” and “What else would be different?”
Sometimes all it takes is to help your teens build a clear picture of their new preferred future to enable them to find their own solutions. If your teens still lack confidence in reaching this new future, then you, as a coach, need to help your teens draw on the strength which they used to overcome similar challenges in the past. This sends a powerful message to your teens that you believe in them.
Finally don’t forget to celebrate when your teens succeed in achieving the new preferred future!
Edwin Choy
Co-founder & Director, Centre for Fathering
Certified Solution Focus Therapist
This article was first broadcast on 'Parenting Today' on 938Live, a station of MediaCorp Radio".
Edwin would like to hear your personal experiences in coaching your teens to help him improve his training workshop for fathers on coaching. Please email him at edwin@father.com.sg
Reflection pointers for fathers ...
Action pointers for fathers ...
Do something to brighten your wife’s day. Buy her some flowers on the way home from work. It will also show your children how you love their mother.
What's happening at CFF ...
1. Father-Child Bonding Camp - June 4 - 5, 2010
Our June Camp is open for registration now. Encounter the bonding experience of a lifetime to build a strong connection and relationship with your child. http://www.fatheringmatters.com/dpl/node/25
2. Father-Teen Trekking Expedition – May 27 - 30, 2010
Embark on an exciting trekking expedition amongst the mountains of Cameron Highlands. The Father-child pair will take on Bukit Irau and find a time of mutual encouragement and a priceless bonding moment. The element of an adventure with one another will be a shared experience of a lifetime. Look out for more details next week.
3. Vacancy for a full time 'Counselling & Family Life Educator'
Our Centre is looking to fill this position. Please refer to NCSS (National Council of Social Services) website http://www.ncss.org.sg/social_service_jobs/job_list.asp?jc=18&vi=V00060#srch under "vacancies in vwos" for the full details.
4. Centre for Fathering is celebrating our 10th Anniversary this year. We are grateful for your support in our movement and we are looking to expand our reach to meet more people that believe in getting fathers more involved in their children’s life.
CFF has evolved over the years and have found the obvious truth that the majority of fathers are at their workplaces. We are calling our readers to highlight our services, target our website to their contacts or forward this e-mail to them. We will be more than willing to make a trip to your company to present our services if needed.
If you find this e-mail helpful, please forward it to others who are interested. To subscribe or unsubscribe Fathering Matters, please send us an email at fatheringmatters@fathers.com.sg or check out our website at www.fathers.com.sg. Thank you.