Birth of Jerish

In the Beginning

1 In the beginning, The Nomad created Nomadland and the Earth. 2 Now the Earth was a blob and it was big and blue. 3 The Nomad was swimming in the waters of this blob, and said, “Let there be land,” and a mass of land appeared. 4 And The Nomad saw that this land was epic, so he split it into ten main pieces with his fist. 5 He called the biggest piece, “Asia” and his favorite piece, “Europe” the only piece without the letter “A.  He created Afrika and made it devoid of water, he created Oceania and put all the Fiji Water there, and he created the Americas and there he hid his secret stash of nose candy. He then made Amoyta and made it holy, he then made the lands of Dingus where he put the dumb idiots, and last he made Goiky where he put the strange creatures. 6 Then The Nomad realized that he couldn’t see, so he created light to shine upon earth. 7 At this point, The Nomad was tired, so he laid down on Europe and went to bed. 

8 On the second day, The Nomad created land and sea animals. 9 He marveled at His creation before he realized the day was over. 10 On the third day, The Nomad created man in his beautiful image, he created a man, and named him, “Gypsy.” 11 He watched Gypsy wander around, before realizing Gypsy was looking for something to eat. 12 Gypsy stared at a dog, mouth drooling. 13 “NO, NO, NO,” The Nomad yelled at Gypsy, “DON’T EAT HIM!” 14 The Nomad realized his great mistake before putting Gypsy in timeout. 15 Then the Nomad created plants to feed Gypsy, but realized they were boring. 16 So The Nomad created carnivorous plants as a side quest. 17 Then The Nomad sat back and rested while watching the Earth spin around, day and night passing. 18 He saw the birds fly, fish swim, mammals walk, plants sway, and Gypsy wandering and adventuring. 19 He saw the clouds drifting and ripples moving along the sea. 20 Then he remembered he created a male and female for everything except for man. 21 So he took one of Gypsy’s kidneysα and stretched it out into a long string. 22 He then took this string and weaved it into a woman. 23 The string became flesh and the woman filled with life. 24 And The Nomad called her, “Itinerant” 24 She then joined Gypsy and he walked her around showing her everything The Nomad created. 25 Then The Nomad set one rule for Gypsy and Itinerant to follow, “Do not eat the fruit of the fanum tree atop Moriah, for it will take your gyatts away, and surely, you will die” 26 The two pledged on skib that they would not eat the fruit.

[α] This is the reason mankind only has 2 kidneys

The Temptation and the Partial Fall

2 Now the cat was more sly and agile than any of the other creatures that The Nomad created. 2 He walked up to the woman and asked, “Did The Nomad really not tell you to eat the fruit of the tree atop that hill?” 3 The woman said to the cat, “He told us we could eat from any tree, but not the fruit of the fanum tax tree for it will kill us.” 4 “You certainly won’t die,” the cat said to the woman. 5 “For The Nomad knows that when you eat the fruit that you will become like him, you will gain power and know good and evil.” 6 Itinerant eyed the fruit on the tree with a curious gaze in her eyes. 7 The cat walked towards the tree and grabbed a fruit before returning to the woman. 8 The cat presented the fruit to the woman and she took it. 9 She lifted the fruit towards her mouth as she prepared to eat it. 10 Just then, Gypsy appeared behind Itinerant and took the fruit from her hand. 11 He looked at the cat before shoving the fruit down its throat and into its stomach. 12 The cat started gagging before it tripped and fell. 13 Then The Nomad’s voice echoed throughout the forest as he appeared before the man, woman, and cat. 14 He looked at the situation before he snagged the cat’s hind leg and hurtled it into a tree. 15 The cat was knocked out for around 6 seconds before it awoke. 16 The cat looked at The Nomad with fear in its eyes. 17 A shadowy portal then appeared below the cat before it disappeared into the portal. 18 “Why have you touched the fruit?” The Nomad turned and asked the man and woman. 19 “The Cat told me to.” the woman responded. 20 “To save Itinerant from eating the fruit.” the man responded. 21 The Nomad heard these reasonable answers but chose to ignore them, “For since you have touched the fruit, mankind will now be mortal and be able to die. 22 9/10 of your offspring will be sinful and rebel against me. 23 Now, depart from me.” 25 So Gypsy and Itinerant departed from The Nomad.

Will and Jacob

3 Gypsy made love to Itinerant, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Will. She said, “I have conceived the first child thanks to The Nomad!” 2 One year later she gave birth to his brother, Jacob. 3 Will was sinful and disobeyed The Nomad, while Jacob was perfect by the grace of The Nomad. 4 Jacob was a shepherd and watched over all his flocks of dogs. 4 While Will ran a monopoly over quick and convenient meals that he prepared in an advanced wooden building (Present-day fast food). 5 One day, while Jacob was watching over his flocks, a lion appeared in the corner of the field. 6 Jacob did not panic but guided his flocks away from the lion. 7 The lion slowly walked across the field in a poised manner. 8 It took a solid five minutes to appear within ten feet of Jacob. 9 Jacob kept calm until the lion pounced forward, trying to intimidate him, and he jumped back. 10 He thought about running away but The Spirit of The Nomad descended upon him, calming his nerves. 11 He looked head-on towards the lion, and the lion showed slight fear. 12 Jacob then threw up gang signs and the lion's image started to become transparent. 13 The lion looked itself up and down before it began to levitate. 14 The Nomad moved his fingers from up in Nomadland and the lion popped like a bubble. 15 The Nomad appeared in front of Jacob and praised him, “Blessed are you who watches over his flocks and protects them, may you have many righteous descendants.” 16 “How could this be? All the women flee from me.” Jacob questioned. 17 “Hmm, you are right. Try looksmaxxing and mewing, then you shall mog everyone else and get all the ladies.” 18 “What? Did you just make up those three words on the spot?” 19 “Uh-huh,” The Nomad said as he wrote down a paper and handed it to Jacob. 20 Jacob looked at this paper and read it, “Looksmaxxing- (v.) The process of making yourself look better. 21 Mewing- (v.) A technique that involves putting pressure on the roof of your mouth with your tongue to try and change the shape of your face by moving your maxilla up and forward with the lateral pressure of your tongue. 22 Mog- (v.) Sizing or dwarfing somebody in having better looks than them.” 23 After he read this paper, he looked up. 24 He did not see The Nomad anymore so he supposed that he left because he had other stuff to do. 25 Jacob then rounded the flocks up and returned to his humble home where he made dinner and rested. 26 Meanwhile, Will was making a fortune off of the new menu options for his restaurant. 27 He lived in extreme wealth and believed that his affluence surpassed any blessings that The Nomad could give. 28 He always dreamt of ruling over everything, including The Nomad himself. 29 The Nomad saw his dreams and thoughts and was heavily displeased but withheld his wrath, for Jacob greatly cherished his only brother.