The Extraterrestrials (they hate to be called aliens)

The Extraterrestrials (they hate to be called aliens)

To Molly Bingham, who was there every step of the way.

And to my mom and Lexi Oliver, this wouldn’t have been possible without you.

-M.D.

Maple Leaf Writing Project

Brattleboro, Vermont

Copyright 2019

When you think aliens, you probably think about those little green guys with big heads and black blanked-out eyes. Wrong. The truth is, they aren’t so different from us. They’re like people, just different colors, and with .… abilities that normal people do not. They come across the same problems you might in everyday life. So let me tell you the story of these extraterrestrials, and you’ll find they aren’t so different from you…….

Teela

“But I don’t wanna go!”

Hi. My name is Teela McGross. I’m a slime extraterrestrial. I live on planet Uuz, sector G-0, in the plasma galaxy. You most likely have no idea what that means, but just think of it as an address. A very long address.

The reason you may have just heard me whining is because I just found out that yours truly is being sent to a school on EARTH. That’s right. Earth. Chock-full of humans, which are, in my opinion, the most disgusting creatures in the universe (and believe me I’ve been all around the universe). The universe is run by a mean dude named zombie chump. He does mean things to people who make him uncomfortable. So my mom thinks it would be, and I quote directly, “An educational experience to go to school on Earth for a while”. Which basically means, “the president is going to get mad, and so you have to run away”. Blech.

Seriously? Even if it’s a school for extraterrestrials, I’m not sure I would be like, the all A’s honor roll student anyway. And yet still, I found myself climbing into the backseat of my mom’s dark green UFO (it actually stands for Universal Flying Object, like an AWD or something), and zooming off into space.

I guess since you’re here, I should tell you a bit about myself. When you first meet a person, you probably start with name, age, date of birth, stuff like that. But when it comes to extraterrestrials, you start with color, place of birth, and power. So, my name is Teela, and I am NOT green. My name in Russian means “parakeet”, because that is the color I am. Not green. Parakeet. PAR-A-KEET. Is it really that hard?

Anyway, My hair is multi-colored, and I have a little red diamond in the middle of my forehead. I have 2 black triangles under each of my eyes, which are a little too big for my face. My power is, as you most likely guessed, slime! I can shoot any color of slime out of my hands.

Anyhoo, enough about me. We touched down in front of a HUGE glass and steel building with glass towers and turrets and domes and all kinds of stuff. Then there was the biggest playground I’ve ever seen. Crazily elaborate climbing structures, monkey bars that spanned at least half the length of a football field (I’d done some research on Earth sports), jungle gyms as high as the suns-- wait, what? Only one sun? Uuz has three suns, and-- well, that just isn’t right. Anyway, I’m not sure I can handle this much change.

Suddenly, my stomachs (which I have 9 of, like a normal person) felt queasy. I didn’t wanna go here from the start, but now I REALLY wanted to leave. And so, stepping into the gate, I knew this was going to be a very long year. Thanks a lot, Flump!

ZJ

Hi. My name is Mesopotamia Jane Methieis. I am a gender neutral alien. But you can just call me ZJ. The only people who call me by my my full name are the following: Teachers, especially those who don’t know me or are doing roll call; my sister, when she’s making fun of me, and my mom when she’s mad. Like right now.

“Zigopotamia Jane! I can’t believe you! I told you to clean your room before you went down, and what do I see? Your room is a complete disaster!!”

Well, actually, I like to think of it as an incomplete disaster. “No it’s not!” I protest. “It’s just neatly spread out, and I don’t want to mess it up!”

“Well I suggest you ‘mess it up’ real soon or else you’re grounded.” But how can I be grounded when I’m going down to Earth in… 7 MINUTES!!!!??? Holy mother of Ethereal, I really do need to get organized. So I “tidied up” my already perfectly neat room, packed my duffel bag, and ran outside to meet my mom and sister. My power is crystal. Yep. Huge shards of the stuff tower over my backyard had bunches of bushes with crystal berries hanging off it. I plucked a couple off and shoved them into my bag for good luck. “Alright, honey crystal,” my mom said.

“You can call me if anything happens, okay?”

“Okay.” I made a chute out of amber going down off a cliff at the edge of my yard. It had been roped off the year before when a few of us had nearly died while playing palm tag. I stepped up.

“Bye! See you next year!” and I slid down.

The tunnel was orange and translucent, so I could see everything happening as I went head first. I saw kids running around and playing, grandparents sitting in rocking chairs on porches, adults chasing their toddlers, and I realized I really was going to miss home.

Ash

‘Sup. My name is Ash. I should probably tell you now about my powers since they are fairly lethal. My mom has some a lot of rules about what I can’t do because of my powers. For example, the following:

1. No sneezing
2. No burping
3. No vomiting
4. No exhaling sharply
5. No coughing

And so. Many. More. So when I found out that I was going to Earth for school this year, you can imagine how excited I would be. For once, I think the president was on my side (more or less). Little did I know how long that would last. My mom, AKA the dream crusher, just had to pack a list of all the things I couldn’t and shouldn’t do on Earth. The thing took up three quarters of my backpack!

Now I really couldn’t wait to just hop on that comet and zoom right down to Earth. Even if it was filled with a bunch of other, sweaty people and smelled like a monster’s…. you get the idea. Just in case you haven’t figured it out yet, I breathe fire. White hot columns of flame shoot from my mouth. My skin is….ah….ah…. Oh, phew. I was about to sneeze there.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. My skin is the color of ash after a campfire. Really light gray. My hair is made of flame, almost as if it’s on fire. So, um, don’t try and french braid my hair unless you’re of the same species.

I walked out towards the CometStop and waited with a bunch of other kids who didn’t look as excited as I was to go to Earth. I didn’t care. I’m gonna make new friends, meet new people, it’ll be just the best. I hopped in a crater that nobody was in, and I couldn’t stop smiling all the way there. So just as I walked out into the courtyard, you can imagine my surprise when a duffel bag landed on my head.

Skylar

My planet is cold. I mean, it’s a water planet, so the “sea breeze” is pretty harsh. Somebody from another planet would have to wear at least 2 coats to keep you from getting hypothermia, but I, being from planet

( it’s pronounced Nero) had no trouble packing my bag, putting on my fingerless gloves, ( I need 4 of those by the way), and walking out the door. I’m blue. Sky blue to be exact, with indigo hair and antennae sticking up out of my head. I have four arms, which also means I’m super strong.

It’s kind of a burden. I break almost everything I touch. Which is why I get especially nervous around glass. I got in huge trouble once when I went to a museum when I was little. I tipped over a glass statue of some famous dude ( I hadn’t been paying much attention to the tour guide, you know, 5-year-old inferior attention span), and my mom was sure not happy,

unless you take being grounded for a month as an indication that my mother was happy. Anyway, what I love about my planet is that you can get anywhere by way of water.

So I said goodbye to my family ( which consists of my mom, my dad, my two annoying brothers, and one other super girly older sister), and hopped into the lake behind my house. It connects to a river which connects to the ocean which somehow gets me to Earth. Don’t ask how. I heard Earth is like, 71% water, so that probably has something to do with it. I popped up in a pool on the far right side of a playground. I pulled my backpack out from under me, and swam out.

Immediately, I was greeted by a lavender-colored girl with a sledgehammer. Talk about first impressions. I admit I was nervous because crystal is like glass, and I don’t like glass. She grabbed me with a grip like steel, and explained that she was friendly and her name was ZJ. I sat next to her in biology, apparently. And that was when we heard the thump.

Teela

THUMP! SHWUKSHW! We heard the strangest noise during biology class. I was sitting next to some new friends I had made ( Skylar and Ash, in case any of you people want to know), and we were working on a project together, when all of a sudden, THUMP! SHW UK! The school shook. There it was again! Our teacher was all like, “It’s okay, calm down. Kora, stop doing that.”

Kora is a rock alien. So every time you hear a loud noise, it’s probably going to be her.

But this time,

“ I swear it’s not me. If I was doing it, I’d have to be concentrating really hard.”*

Kora speaks a different language and has to have a translator. An alarm went off. Evacuate the building. Evacuate the building. “Alright, class, let’s exit in an orderly fashion--”

Everybody rushed out the door. Unfortunately, that was the wrong way to go, and we found the source of the noise.

“What is that?!” I asked.

“It’s a freakin’ giant octopus!!” screamed ZJ.

“ Really? I didn’t notice!”

It was a giant octopus, and do you want to know what else it was? It was trying to grab my friends, and had succeeded in yanking two of them off the ground.

“Ash! Skylar!” I yelled.

“Are you okay?”

“Whaddaya think?”said Ash.

ZJ ran up to the octopus and smashed one of it’s tentacles with her hammer. It screeched as ooey-gooey guck oozed out of a new hole in it’s tentacle. Unfortunately, that just made it mad. It was about to grab at me when a huge rock bashed it on the head.

“Go! Kora yelled. “I’ll distract it!”

I ran up another of its tentacles and grabbed hold. Ash and Skylar were just above my head.

“Ash!” I yelled. I didn’t even have to finish my sentence.

“On it!” she said.

I got out of range, but I still felt some of the hair on my arms being signed. I looked down and realized I was cut and bleeding in several places from when I’d fallen.

Skylar wasn’t so lucky. The tips of her hair were smoldering, and a little piece of it stuck up with a flame on it like a candle. She didn’t care. The octopus forgot that Skylar was in it’s hand, and when it went to touch it’s eye, Sky took that chance to pummel it. There was a sickening SCHLOP! As it’s eye fell out and rolled out the gate. As for the octopus itself, it keeled over into the play structure.

Sky and Ash just had time to wriggle out of the limp tentacles and jump out of the way before they were crushed.

“That was…” I started.

“Disgusting?” Sky suggested.

“Mentally disturbing?” Ash put in.

“Just overall yucky?” said ZJ.

“Interesting.” I said.

ZJ

Getting attacked by (and attacking) a giant octopus was not on my bucket list. But it was a fun experience, albeit a disgusting one. I wonder where it’s eye went, though. Maybe a human will see it and think, What an interesting pebble. Ha. Humans. It seems like their brains are wired to see anything but the truth.

Anyway, the teachers decided it would be best if we had the day off. I was super excited, because I wanted to spend some quality time with my friends, but the principal said, “Um, not you girls, come with me.”

Oh, boy, I thought. The principal asks you to her office on the first day of school.

Whoop-de-do. We walked inside.

There were a few scratches on the walls, but nothing a janitor couldn’t fix. And it turns out, we weren’t going to her office. We were going through a tiny door I hadn’t noticed before. We entered a room the size of a gymnasium, with a domed roof and an atrium with little islands of garden. Ivy grew up the walls. In the corner was a lagoon, where Nerians made speeches.

“Oh, yeah!” Skylar said.

“Water, water, here I come!” she executed a perfect cannonball.

“WHEEEEEEEE!!!!”

SPLASH! Water got all over us. I didn’t mind, but it looks like Ash did. Thankfully, she was being subtle about it. “Ina splaflak! Tuyoe reuvb bunowy ert wjeei nfnnfnieji!!” which I’m guessing, in Fierian, is severe profanity.

“Now I know why they say fire and water don’t mix.” she seethed.

“This is the ‘gifted and talented’ program.” said the principal.

“What are we gifted and talented at?” I asked.

“Killing giant octopuses?”

“Yes”.

“That’s very specific.”

“Indeed it is. Less specifically, the ‘self-defense’ area.”

“It’s hidden so people can’t--”

“Pretend to be special?” I asked. “Cool.” I said.

“Have you ever tried changing your weapon?” she asked. “Just out of curiosity.”

I didn’t know. Where I was from, one day a weapon just appeared to you out of nowhere, and it would be there for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not. Only one person that I’ve ever heard of has been able to do that, and it didn’t end well for them. “I don’t know.” I said.

“Well, try. It’d be good for extra credit.”

“Um. Okay.”

I concentrated. I thought about change. Butterflies coming out of cocoons, leaves changing color. And then there was a battleaxe. I was about to test the edge with my finger, then thought, maybe not. As if reading my mind, the principal pointed towards a straw-filled dummy.

I swung it. I thought I’d have to hack at it a few times, but it went through like butter. It’s stuffing flew everywhere. Teela spit a clump of straw out of her mouth.

“What’d that poor guy ever do to you?” she said.

Ash

Did I happen to mention that I don’t like water? I don’t. For obvious reasons. If I get drenched, my flaming hair turns to smoke and I have to wash it with Lava Shampootm and believe it or not, they don’t have that on Earth. Luckily, I brought some just in case. But it. Took. hours.

Thanks a lot, Skylar. I mean, really. It seemed…. superfluous to me. (Look it up!) Skylar came up and apologized, but she looked impenitent (you better be keeping track, guys).

That night, we slept in the dorms upstairs. The beds were…. less than comfortable, and it was hard to sleep with ZJ snoring. And boy, could she snore.

I sat up, hitting my head on the bunk where she slept. She snorted, rolled over, and mumbled something about goats. I walked around the room. It was still dark, so I kept walking into walls and tripping over things. I stubbed my toe on something long and hard. I looked down and saw… a battleaxe?

That’s new. But it could have been much worse. At least I still had all of my extremities. I think. I sighed. Fiera was so much brighter than this. I missed fire surfing there and I miss my firecat, Caldera. She’s adorable! But I didn’t get to take her with me. I was sitting at the window, sulking about home, looking into space, when my eyes focused and I saw a large black shape barreling towards the wall. “Wait, whaaaaat??”

I blinked. I pinched myself. Still there. (This is the the part where the readers yell, “Run away!” but nope). 2 curved, black horns pierced the wall in front of me. I stumbled away. Then, I heard a loud THUMP-THUMP! Everybody (except somehow for ZJ) woke up. Skylar sat bolt upright, and said

“What? Who? Where?”

“Not my weasel--I mean, nothing!” said Teela.

ZJ finally opened her eyes, yawned, looked outside and said “Cows of rage!”

Skylar

Hundreds, I think even thousands of huge black metal bulls were stampeding toward our school. Almost everything about the bulls was dark as night. Black metal hides, dark horns, opal hooves. The only thing different was their glowing blood red eyes. They were 2 times the size of regular bulls, and their hides looked impossible to pierce.

Yikes. I readied all 4 hands for a whole lot of punching. I licked my knuckles (it stings your enemies), and we all charged out the new hole in our wall. It must have been a strange sight, 4 extraterrestrials in their PJs charging out against about 10,000 heavily armed cows.

I summoned the most powerful swell I had. A 100-foot tall wave waited overhead. I yelled “Tsunami! Heads up!”, and thrust my hands forward.

The good news, in front of me lay a legion of fallen Blackbulls, all sparking and twitching. The bad news, I forgot to check behind me.

“Skylar, look out!”

Teela

I watched with horror as a Black Bull charged up behind Skylar and tossed her into the air. She flew up, up, up… then down like a baby bird pushed from the nest too soon. In that moment, inside me, something snapped. Destroy everything you want, but nobody messes with my friends like that. The ground rumbled.

Oh no, I thought. More trouble. But then, a gigantic slimy hand shot out of the ground. And it was parakeet green. I flexed my hand. The hand flexed itself.

I smiled. “Alright, Flump. Time to bust some bull heads.”

I brought my fist down. CRUNCH! The sweet sound of crumpling metal. Now the whole school was out here. I saw lightning and rocks, plants and sun, CRUNCH! CRUMPLE! BANG!

Eventually, there were only about 10 bulls left, and a plant girl named Chartreuse took care of that quickly. Now we have 10 topiary bulls in our gardens. I walked over to Skylar. Her eyes were closed, and she was bleeding from her torso. Water, slowly spreading on her shirt. Blue goopy tears streamed down my face.

Then, something amazing happened. Her eyes opened. “What? Who? Where?”