Don't Look Back

Don’t Look Back

By: Aleksa Secrest

.

Dedicated to my family, including

Dexter, my hedgehog

copyright 2016

maple leaf writing project

brattleboro, vermont

.

September 14, 2098: Amadahy Smith

Everyone has a fear of something, mine is….

I shut the lid on my laptop as I heard Lisa coming. Lisa and Rick were my fourth foster parents. My parents died in fire when I was 7. I’d been given away countless times, so I wouldn't be surprised if they gave me away too.

I heard three knocks on the door. “Come on honey, it’s time for dinner!”

“Okay, thanks!” I rolled off of my bed and walked downstairs.

I sat down and looked at what Lisa was wearing today: A sequined green shirt that fit her slender body perfectly and black leggings with 3 inch wedges to top the look. Rick is basically the opposite. If they were vegetables Lisa would be a carrot and Rick a tomato.

The chef put a big plate in front of me. UH, I almost puked. Coconut spazania, my enemy food. It’s spaghetti inside lasagna with coconut shredding on top. It’s absolutely disgusting. I've had it so many times, either the chef hates me or he thinks I love it.

Rick took a spoonful of his and declared, “Perfect!” in between another spoonful of that horrible stuff. More like perfectly disgusting, I thought. Sadly, coconut spazania was Los Angeles main dish now and almost everyone loves it.

Then I did what I do every time we have it.“Can I go to the bathroom?” I asked. Lisa nodded, but I knew what she was thinking. Why always during dinner? I got up and went to my room. There I had a mini fridge and a microwave, a stack of pizzas and other foods. It may seem weird that I have those in my room but Lisa and Rick are rich. Which isn’t actually that fun. I think a battle occurred between a colorful house and a white house, guess who won? White. Every single room is that boring old plain color, even the furniture. Thankfully, my room is actually interesting.

I had secretly rebelled. My walls were a beautiful, lush forest. Sometimes I’m back in the forest playing hide-and-seek in the trees with my mom, but then I’d come back to reality and remember she’s dead. The ceiling was a midnight black sky, full of luminous glow-in-the-dark stars. The moon outshone everything else though, it’s silver face smiling down at me from above. Lisa and Rick didn't know I painted my room. I had asked them to not go in it so I could have a private space and they agreed.

I think Lisa and Rick felt bad for me because my parents died, so they let me keep my polar bear dog, Bambo, and my sloth, Mr.Pickles, even though they don’t like animals. Bambo is white, has the head and backside of a dog, and the front side of a polar bear.

******

At 7:00 in the morning my alarm went off. I attempted covering my ears with my pillow, but failed. I whammed my hand down hard on the alarm clock and the constant beeping finally stopped. Then I remembered, today was my first day of high-school, I can’t be late! I thrust my covers off and jumped out of bed. I threw on a pair of worn out jeans, a shirt, a purple hoodie, and a pair of too big green hightops, avoiding the giant walk-in closet full of expensive, uncomfortable, sparkly clothes.

I quickly combed through my shoulder length black hair. I made the mistake of looking out the window and watching the cars and occasional hover car race down the street, competing for space in the lanes. I shuddered as I sprinted downstairs, grabbing a muffin on the way out.

“Bye!” I called. Doubting anyone even heard me. “Come here Bambo!” The creature came bounding down the steps. I hopped on her back and we dashed down the street full of mansions, towards Beverly Hills High.

******

When we arrived at the school, I kissed Bambo good-bye and stared at the three story high building. I thought it looked more like a fancy jail than a high school. I slowly started walking up the steps but someone shoved me. She had bleached hair, a ton of makeup, a short, tight, pink skirt, pink tank top, and 2-inch heels.

“Move loser,” she sneered. I quickly stepped away. The girl strutted up the stairs with a trail of people sashaying behind her. Then another girl came up to me, with cocoa skin and soft eyes.

“Hi, I’m Athena!” she said.

“Um… I’m Amadahy.”

“That’s cool, what does it mean?”

“It’s a Cherokee name, it means forest water.

“Awesome!”

“Thanks.” Athena followed my gaze toward the girl that had called me a loser.

“Oh, that’s Tara, she’s the principal's daughter and thinks she’s better than everyone. Once she got a B+ on a test and had that teacher fired. So now all the teachers give her an A+ in all her classes even though she’s really stupid. What's your first class?”

“I have English. You?”

“Same!”

We walked up the steps and into the school together.

When we got to class, Athena beckoned me towards two desks in the back. When we sat down, a huge man walked up to the front, with a huge, fake smile. “Hello class, I’m Mr. Normandac and will be helping you understand and improve your English,” Athena giggled. “Now, can someone please give me a sentence using the word egotistic? Tara?”

“I’m egotistic.”

It took everyone a second to realize that she didn’t really know what it meant,but thought it was something like perfect.

Mr. Normandac decided to play along with it. “Yes Tara, you are very egotistic.” Everyone burst out laughing because the real meaning was conceited, which fit her perfectly.

I had invited Athena to come over to Lisa and Rick’s mansion to do homework, and Bambo greeted us by barreling through the door, causing us to topple over.

“Hmm, chic house, very white.” Athena said said as she at down on the sofa that was so long it was almost half the room. Mr.Pickles quietly came up behind me and clung onto my arm. When Athena saw him her eyes widened. “You have a sloth?” I bit my lip trying not to laugh.

“Yeah, this is Mr.Pickles”

“Can I…?”

“Sure.” I said handing her his little fuzzy body. “Want anything to drink?”

“Do you have any eggnog?”

“yep, coconut, strawberry, bacon, or original?”

“Original please.”

I went to the kitchen to get us some. When I came back, Athena was looking through a box of photos I had stashed under the couch. “Wow, you're good at gymnastics!” She said, not looking up.

“Was,” I said sadly.

“Spill.”

I sat down and hugged my knees to my chest. “When I was six, I was playing outside, and I saw a polar bear dog in the road.”

“Bambo,” Athena realized.

I nodded and continued. “Then I saw a red sports car coming and I didn’t want it to hit her, so I ran into the road and…” My voice trailed off.

“The person hit Bambo and she got injured?” Athena asked. I shook my head, “It hit me and broke my leg, my fingers all got twisted and bent. They didn’t even get out of the car to see if I was ok, just drove on. It took me a year to fully recover.” I said quietly.

Athena was silent.

“It’s just, I’m terrified of cars now, and there’s a lot of cars, and people will make fun of me…”

“Hold on,” Athena said, a new look came over her face. If we were in a cartoon, I bet a lightbulb would’ve popped up over her head. “Tomorrow, at 6:00 in the morning, meet me in the parking lot at the donut shop.”

“But...school…” I protested.

“School shmool, just come. Bye!” She shouted as she darted out the door. I sat down and hugged Mr.Pickles.

******

In the morning I got up and crept down the stairs, careful not to wake up my foster parents. I slipped out the door unnoticed, grabbing a hoverboard. Soon I was gliding down the street, in between dew soaked lawns.

I immediately regretted my choice as I arrived in the giant car-filled parking lot, full of groggy people who relied on coffee and donuts each morning to keep them awake all day. I heard someone calling my name over and over again. I eventually found the source, which was Athena. I drifted over to her and hopped off of my hoverboard.

“Good, I thought you wouldn’t come.” She breathed a sigh of relief.

“Why are we in a parking lot? I thought you cared about what I told you yesterday.”

“I do, and so I brought you here to conquer your fear.” She announced.

I sighed, “What do I have to do?”

“Well, we’ll start off by walking around the parking lot a few times, and then you'll do it yourself.”

“No.” I said sharply.

“Pleeeease,” She begged, “Do it for me, and your parents.”

I sighed again, “Fine.”

We started walking very slowly, and I tensed every time a car came , but the more we did it, the more relaxed I became. After going about 5 times around the lot, Athena suggested I try it by myself. I was reluctant, but she eventually persuaded me to do it. As I walked in between the cars, a bright red sports car stopped right in front of me. I suddenly remembered everything like it was yesterday. Bambo, the car, the pain, how I had tried to scream for help, but had felt like I was swallowing daggers while burning alive. The flashback made me scream, and I wouldn’t stop. I wanted the world to hear and feel the pain I had felt eight years ago. I wanted them to understand how awful it had been. I only stopped when a woman got out of the car and shushed me.

“Honey, are you alright?” She said in a smooth, calm, western voice.

I sobbed hysterically. “No! I’ll NEVER be alright!” I screamed at her.

Athena was immediately at my side. “Amadahy! Um…” She said quietly, “Do you want to go get a drink and some donuts.”

I nodded like a little girl. The woman looked at us with amusement, but she went back to her car. “Well, nice meetin ya!” She called, and drove off.

Athena and I walked into the donut shop, and the warm smell of coffee beans and fresh baked pastries hit me like a bullet, I started to calm down. Athena hugged me and said we should try to name all the words we thought sounded weird;

1. chuckle
2. slurp
3. fart
4. bibble
5. wabbit
6. barf
7. moist

After a while we went our separate ways and I jumped into my bed. But soon the dread filled me again as I replayed the incident from 8 years ago in my mind over and over, like a ferris wheel that wouldn't let you get off until it was satisfied with how many times you went around...

Which was never.

******

The next day, school was horrible, here's why…

1. I tripped over Tara’s foot and fed the floor
2. Athena was sick so I was all alone
3. Tara insulted me throughout the day

When I got home, (sorry, I didn’t mean to call it my home, it’ll never be) I ran upstairs and flopped onto my bed, causing my pets to wake. I hugged them. I struggled to forget today, but couldn’t .

Later that day, I went over to Athena’s house to give her the homework. When I got there and rang the doorbell, I was expecting one of her parents or Athena to open the door, but instead, a fat, gray cat with green highlights greeted me by saying in a gruff voice.

“I'll let you in if you give me a can of tuna.” I stumbled back in surprise, but then noticed the dark green collar with a small flashing light on it, an animal speak collar, it says what the animal is thinking. I should get one for Bambo and Mr. Pickles.

Athena then opened the door and invited me in. Her house was a lot like Lisa and Rick’s, but the opposite color. Everything was bright and happy, when I sat down, Athena motioned to the cat, “That’s Yoda, we named him after the very old, but popular movie at the time, Star Wars.” I nodded and handed her the assignments. Athena took a deep breath like she was going to give a big lecture or something. Apparently she was. “Amadahy, I know that you got totally freaked out at the parking lot when that car came up to you… but I would really like it if you tried again.”

“Now way. I’m not doing that again.”

“But Amadahy, you’re parents would have wanted you to…”

“DON’T TALK ABOUT MY PARENTS!” I screamed at her, and ran out the door. I didn’t stop until I got to a huge tree, climbed as high as I could, and sat on a thick branch.

After a while of thinking, I had made my decision.

I quickly made my way down the tree and sprinted over to Athena’s house. She was sitting in an egg chair, doing her homework while looking depressed. “Hi” I said quietly. “I’m sorry that I went crazy on you.”

“That’s ok, I shouldn’t have told you what your parents would have wanted for you.” Athena said in return.

“Can you guys hug it out and then get me some tuna?” Yoda said in an annoyed voice.

“Yes master Yoda,” We said and bowed.

“Oh, stuff it,” he replied.

That got us in a fit of giggles and soon we were on the floor laughing our heads off.

“Hey, Athena.”

“Yeah?”

“I was thinking about what you said… and I decided that I’ll try again with that whole car thing.

She grinned and hugged me.

“Let’s do this thingy.” I announced.

We ran out the door with Yoda behind us screaming “YOU NEVER GAVE ME MY TUNA!”

When we got at the parking lot again, we went near a patch of grass that was under a maple tree. As Athena was lecturing me about how strong and brave I was, I

picked up a maple leaf off of the ground and turned it around in my hands, thinking that this innocent little leaf is going to choose my fate. If it flutters away and hides forever, that’s what’s going to happen to me. If it holds it’s ground and doesn’t let the wind take it away, I’ll do the same, the wind acting as cars. The poor small shriveled leaf chose the latter. The leaf, I don’t know how, seemed to get stronger and bigger, filled with more color.

“Amadahy, did you listen to a word I said.”

“Huh?” I mumbled

“Whatever” Athena answered.

I slowly got up and brushed off my pants for no reason. Then I took a deep breath in, and got ready to face my worst fear.

Keeping as much distance between the vehicles and me, I slowly crept along the edges of the parking lot, becoming more and more confident with each step. I kept telling myself over and over again, don’t look back, don’t look back. I didn’t, and before I knew it, I was casually running around the lot with a huge smile.

The next thing I saw, was Athena in front of me with her hands out. I crashed into her and we tumbled to the ground.

“You did it Amadahy!” She screamed at me, and gave me a super tight hug. “Now for the real test. Meet me at my house tomorrow at your lunch time, ok?”

“Sure.” I giddily said and went back to the mansion.

When I went to school the next day, I got an A+ on a math test and Tara, who sat behind me, whispered in my ear “nerd”. I don’t know how, but I somehow found the confidence to turn around and say “you know what Tara, I’m not a nerd I’m just smarter than you” and turn back around. Thankfully, that shut her up for the rest of the day.

When the bell rang for lunch, Athena and I headed for her house to do whatever she planned for me.

We stood outside their garage, and she told me. “My dad's going to drive us around the block a few times, to get you used to being in cars.”

“But I haven’t been in a car since… I don't know, forever” I protested.

“Well we’re going to change that, c’mon, my dad's waiting.” We hopped in and I sucked in a breath as we started moving. You can’t really hold you breath for a long time though, so I had to eventually breath. It was actually a lot easier than I thought, you know, riding in a car. It glided along the jet black streets so smoothly that I barely noticed we were moving. After about 6 times around the block, we stopped back at Athena’s house and got out. She immediately gave me a bone crushing hug and screamed with joy, that made me do it to. Soon we were 2 teenagers screaming in someone's driveway.

“You did it!”

“I did it!”

We celebrated by getting delicious foods at an all you can eat dessert buffet. When I got home (yes i’m so excited that I called it home) I went to see Bambo and Mr.Pickles. I gave them both a hug and went to bed with a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction.

******

In the morning I skipped downstairs, ready for school. I was surprised to see Lisa standing in the doorway with a pair of keys dangling from her hand. “Want a ride to school?” She asked.

My heart lept at the offer and I smiled. “Oh yeah.”